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I had a weird but wonderful thing happen to me last night. I bumped into an ex-boyfriend I hadn't seen in 9 years. [This guy was a real jerk and a loser, but for some reason I kept going out with him anyway, from about age 16 to about age 22. I persisted because he had a really sad family story and I (incorrectly) figured that if somebody cared about him, he'd start to care about himself. Well, eventually, I got fed up and went on with my life.]

Now I see this guy last night (now a successful chef), and he pulls me aside and tells me that he's been thinking a lot about me in the last few months, and it's been bothering him, and he had promised himself that if he ever saw me again he'd apologize to me for everything mean he ever did and said to me. He said "you cared about me so much and I was really mean." [He is right.] He also told me that he's a different person now. )He also appeared to be checking me out, so I made sure to mention that I am married. Smiler )

I have to say, that was a wonderful moment. (And not just because he is now large and bald and I'm married to a cute guy.) Because not only was I validated, but it seems that there had been some semblance of a human being in there, after all. After wondering if he had said that as part of a 12-step program, I did say that yes, he was really mean back then, but it was thoughtful and unexpected of him to realize that and apologize for it, and I accept his apology.

It's the kind of thing that has my brain going today...not just because of the fact that even this total loser has managed to become relatively respectable, but it gets me wondering about "people you've known in your life who you wish would apologize to you for something, and/or people you have wronged in your life and want to apologize to someday." (Kinda like Keifer Sutherland in the movie "Flatline.")

Remember folks, OUR PARENTS are the obvious ones...I mean people outside your family.

I'd apologize to the Swedish student in third grade, Christine. I was pretty mean to her. I asked her if she wanted to go on a scavenger hunt, and put little notes all over the playground that just kept her looking all around for nothing, and I invited every kid in the whole class to my birthday party that year except for her.

The only major outstanding apology I'd need, came last night.

Others?
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As some of you know until pretty recently I was a member and secretary of a local theatre group.

During last year the group split straight down the middle over a big financial decision. During that time an old friend returned to the group, we had been very close in the past and had kept in touch even when I moved away for 4 years.

Well to cut a long story short she made out that she supported myself and the committee 100% and then turned round at the AGM mouthing off at us (including me personally). I felt stabbed in the back. If she had problems and misgivings I thought she would come to me. I was wrong. I left that night telling her that I felt betrayed. She never came back.

I guess an apology is outstanding there.....but I don't know if I could face her right now without still being a bit angry.

I even got a Christmas card but no word of the incident. Maybe she was working up to it.....I dunno Roll Eyes
back in 1976, when i was a mere 13 year old more interested in footy than footsy, a girl we shall call jacqui asked her pals to present me with a valentines card from her. jacqui peeked into the room, the biology lab at school i seem to remember, to watch my reaction. i was surrounded by sniggering mates who were all calling me gay 'cos i was getting a valentines card from, yeukk, a girl (there was pre pubescent logic afoot). i could smell the distinct aroma of some cheap readily availble fragrance, almost certainly 'smitty', wafting up from inside the card and i realised, gulp, that, gulp, a girl had romantic feelings, gulp, for me. what could i do? all my mates were there, i was only 13 for gods sake.......

to my eternal shame i tore the envelope into many tiny pieces without even opening it. she had probably spent all weekend composing poems (roses are red, violets are blue, i'm a schizophrenic, and so am i too. you know the sort of thing...), surrounding my name with hearts and flowers, colouring in all the dots above the i's and j's and t's (we went to a rubbish school) and generally pouring as much teenage love into my gift as her big big heart would allow. and i tore it up. without even opening it.

poor jacqui was distraught. but me? i was a hero, with the lads. hoorah! but punishment was swift and came but a few short months later. jacqui was one of the first girls at school to sprout boobs and as fate would decree it was just about the same time my twinges towards the female of the species started. i, of course, was very much persona non grata and was not invited by her to the library store room where teenage fumbling was rife. her attentions had by then turned to my mate, chris. d'oh!

my shameful act festered in my memory long after we'd all left school. 15 or so years later i met her out one night in a packed bar and, wracked with guilt and plied with lager, i recounted the whole sorry episode and apologised to her profusely. she said that she'd actually forgotten about the whole thing but thanked me for reminding her and then, in a scene from a stale romantic comedy, she poured what was left of her drink over my noggin before introducing her knee to my unsuspecting 'nads Mad . all the lads were looking on at that incident too. ah, sweet justice.

so perhaps, maybe, in some cases we shouldn't rush to apologise. however, in a strange kinda way i was glad i did.
Okay Heidi, speaking of chefs...
I'd apologize to the man i was in love with for four years a long time ago. We had what i thought was the greatest relationship ever...we were so in love.
Well, naturally some bizarre things happened, one in the form of a harpie who stole him away from me with no shame. But I would apologize to him for doing whatever i did that caused him to want to leave me for her. Because, from what i hear, she is a very unpleasant person.

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