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What's the most amusing or best few lines you've heard in a song? Apart from the Finns and Enz, that is.

My votes go to the following:

1. "Sweetness, Sweetness I was only joking when I said I'd like to smash every tooth in your head" (Bigmouth Strikes Again - The Smiths)

2. "Son I'm thirty/And I only went with your mother 'cos she was dirty" - (Happy Mondays, forget which song)

3. "Hear you got a new girlfriend/how's the wife taking it?" (Moving The River - Prefab Sprout)

4. "You used to laugh about everybody that was hanging out/now you don't talk so loud, now you don't seem so proud/about having to be scrounging your next meal" (Like A Rolling Stone - Bob Dylan)

5. "I used to think that if you had an acoustic guitar it made you a protest singer/ oh i can laugh about it now but at the time it was terrible" (Shakespear's Sister - The Smiths)


Any more? Smiler
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Just found out which CD is my funniest one - how could I ever forget?? It's of course a bit ...well... not for under 18 years people but from time to time I can't get it out of my mind and sing it all day long - luckily nobody understands what i am singing over here in Germany then, hehehe...

As far as I remember Jackie and me sang it a lot while stumbling (me on crutches with a freshly broken toe AND awesome cobble stones everywhere - yay) after a Midge Ure show from the prime club to the central station of Cologne...

"Sit on my f*** (part of the head) and tell me that you love me - I sit on your f*** and tell you I love too..etc." from Monty Python sings - brilliant CD!

"Isn't it awfully nice to have a *****, isn't it frightfully good to have a ****" (self censored...)

Big Grin

Good old Monty Python still rules!

Silke
Yeah, that Monty Python song is hilarious. Big Grin

My faves are generally from the Flaming Lips:

"He couldn't tell the right side of his brain just lost all interest in his left."(This Here Giraffe---The Flaming Lips)

"It's hard to read the writing through the flames."(Lightning Strikes the Postman--The Flaming Lips)

"All of the animals agreed they're not happy at the zoo. But they preferred to save themselves, they seemed to think they could."(Christmas at the Zoo--The Flaming Lips)
Flaming Lips...I think i saw them once on TV using a 'theremin'....looked and sounded great, bit like early Enz. Any more info on them appreciated.

Anyway, back to the silliness.....

How about this for a lyric.

"Home improvement expert Harold Hill of Harold Hill/Of do-it-yourself dexterity and double glazing skill/Came home one day to find another gentleman's kippers in the grill/So he sanded off his winkle with his Black & Decker drill"

R.I.P. Ian Dury.
Ian Dury - wasn't he the one who did, "Hit me with your rhythm stick, hit me slowly, hit me quick, hit me, hit me, HIT...ME"?
Or am I thinking of somebody else? Anyway that's a line that's always made me laugh, too.

I mentioned Tim Finn's most amusing lines elsewhere (Tim Finn forum, "Rest...") so I won't repeat myself, and anyway this isn't about the Enz-related stuff.

Like Silke, my funniest stuff probably shouldn't go anywhere except on an over-18's forum (I had a friend who liked to sing that "Sit on my..." one loudly on Brisbane trains, Silke!!! Frightened the locals no end, I can tell you!)... but the Australian band Doug Anthony Allstars come to mind. Anyone who's familiar with either their "Live In London" CD or with the long-deleted "Icon" album will know this to be true. Some of their cleaner ones include:

"If you're happy and you know it
Put on a dress
And pretend you're Margaret Thatcher.
- It's what HE does" (DAAS, "If You're Happy")

"Go to church, where you can go and see
All the pretty people,
If you've never been before - it's the building with the steeple...
So come on all you sexually-impotent, drunken, drug-pushing scumbags..." (DAAS, "Go To Church")

And the song which was my personal all-time favorite for singing in chorus with a few of my drunken rowdy mates on late-night trains in Melbourne, circa 1990:
"Well it's a broad lic nic
And I'll tell you while I'm able
Or I'll smash your skull - if you don't drink
Enough Black Label
It's a hard man's drink, and though the bottle's broken,
Put your money on the table - strain the glass through your teeth.
Well we grew up lean, mean, kings of the street scene
Without a mother's guiding hand to keep us clean
So down your rum, we'll take life as it comes
And all you blue-rinse critics - lick our literary b*ms
I drank my first pure malt before I was three
I smoked a pack of Dutch cigarettes my pappy left for me
And I romanced a little lass who was 12 years my elder
At the age of six I held her
I (*deleted out of consideration to young minds*)
And before I was seven, my first child was born
I told a pack of vicious lies as a politician
I heard my own confession as an act of contrition
I fought Mohammaed Ali, I seduced Mata Hari
I even wore a sari when I impersonated Ghandi
And I dare any man here to call me a liar
And I swear I've seen Ezekiel, I swore I saw Isiah
Toasting marshmallows on Beelzebub's fire
And when you ask what Zarathustra spake,
HE SPAKE THUS:
Drink drink drink
Drink until you're drunk
Drink Until you can't stand up
Til you're rolly poly stunk
Til your bladder's burst
Til you throw up - it's a curse
Til they lift you up still comatose
And slam us in the hearse." (DAAS, "Broad Lic Nic")

...whew! Those guys were funny though. (They did a great cover of Hunters and Collectors' "Throw Your Arms Around Me"... now that was another band that came out with some funny lines... you had to look a little harder for them, though).
Hard to go past these for a giggle:

"I'm a little airplane nyowww,
Yes I'm a little airplane nyow, nyowww,
and wangity wang, wangity wang
I'm a little airplane now (Oh the propellors)

Jonathon Richman and the Modern Lovers

"Sittin here in Queens
eatin' refried beans,
readin' magazines,
gulpin' down thorazines

The Ramones (We're a Happy Family)

Later at the party,
all the MPs rave
'bout the hummers she's been giving
and the money that they save

Australian Crawl (Boys Light Up)

It stood there all shiny, sparkling and clean,
she said 'That's what I call a thrashing machine'

Chad Morgan (Sorry only Aussies will know that one)

I also still find myself humming 'Sit on my face, the Lumberjack song and Spam by the Pythons.

I know it's stretching things a bit, but I often recite to myself 'the Guns' by Baldrick (Boom Boom Boom Boom...etc)

Also "D'oh a Beer" by Homer Simpson

I must say I've been enjoying these last few threads - all good fun.
For some reason, matthew, you reminded me of another one (apologies in advance to Winnipeg thirsty-doc... anyway I'm sure your patients don't get treated like this)

"Doctor Parkinson declared, I'm not surprised to see you here
You've got smoker's cough from smoking, brewer's droop from drinking beer
I don't know how you came to get the Bette Davis knees but
Worst of all young man you've got indusrial disease.
He wrote out a prescription, said You are depressed
I'm glad you came to see me, to get this off your chest
Come back and see me later (DING) next patient please
Send in another victim of industrial disease - ha ha" - Dire Straits, Industrial Disease
I think if we're going for humour, I'm going to have to pick The Rutles. Smiler I'll have to pick the middle bit from "The Knicker Elastic King":

His rubber business kept expanding
but then disaster...

Ee bah gum!
The price of raw materials
coupled with inflation
squeezed his global holdings
his liquid assets bottomed out
and shrunk his retail outlet operation

...And that's the story of The Knicker Elastic King...
and market forces


Anything by the Rutles of course, but here, I'm shooting for just funny and not like super intellectual clever. That'd be nearly anything by Elvis Costello.

Deb
Actually, I should re-post with an anecdote since I'm not sure what's funnier than this.

I couldn't sleep one morning about 2 weeks ago, so I got up and started downloading songs from AudioGalaxy. I thought about downloading music I remembered studying in one of my uni classes, so I decided to download "Che Faro Senza Eurydice," a HORRIBLE piece of crap song. It's from an opera Gluck wrote in 1762 (pre-Mozart, folks), and it's so repetitive, uninteresting, and ALWAYS sung flat. A real gem, and here I am download it to try and remind myself just how awful it is. Smiler

I find a file with the right name, and download it. BUT. It's not this opera bit. It's misnamed, and somehow, I have downloaded "Popozuda Dos 500" by Furacao 500. It's a Brazilian dance song, and I soon find out thanks to some internet sleuthing that "popozuda" is a recent Brazilian slang term for "big-assed woman" or "com bumbum grande" as one site put it.

PLUS the guy singing sounds SO earnest, yet he's in a different key than the background music and out of tune for his own key. And there's a suave guy who keeps coming in with lots of reverb and saying "popozao" all sexy and "hey popozuda!" So it is hands-down one of the FUNNIEST things I've ever accidentally heard.

It's around 3MB and you can download it with it's incorrect original name here. I hope you enjoy it as much as I have.

Debbie
For some reason, Deb's story reminded me of the gloriously awful singer Margarita Pracatan (UK and Australian readers might remember her stupendously dreadful - but entirely serious - singing, and self-accompaniment on the electric piano, from the Clive James shows a few years back... once seen, difficult to forget.) Roll Eyes Roll Eyes
But I don't think she sang originals so that's probably off-topic...
Just thought I'd dig up this old thread as I heard a great set of lyrics tonight that I hadn't heard for ages. It's 'Heartland' by The The. Matt Johnson was a great lyricist..this song was written about Britain in the midst of recession, at a time of high unemployment, and political and social conflict (the 1980s). A lot of is still valid today.

Beneath the old iron bridges
Across the Victorian parks
And all the frightened people running home before dark
Past the Saturday morning cinema
That lies crumbling to the ground
And the piss-stinking shopping centre in the new side of town
I've come to smell the seasons change and watch the cities
As the sun goes down again

Here comes another winter
Of long shadows and high hopes
Here comes another winter
Waiting for utopia
Waiting for hell to freeze over

This is the land where nothing changes
The land of red buses
And blue blooded babies
This is the place where pensioners are raped
And the hearts are being cut from the welfare state
Let the poor drink the milk
While the rich eat their honey
Let the bums count their blessings
While they count the money

So many people can't express what's on their minds
Nobody knows them
Nobody ever will
Until their backs are broken
Their dreams are stolen
And they can't get what they want
Then they're gonna get angry
It ain't written in the papers
But its written on the walls
The way this country's divided to fall
So the cranes are moving on the skyline
Trying to knock down this town
But the stains on the heartland
Will never be removed
From this country that's sick, sad, and confused

Here comes another winter
Of long shadows and high hopes
Here comes another winter
Waiting for utopia
Waiting for hell to freeze over

The ammunition's been passed
And the Lord's been praised
And the wars on the televisions will never be explained
All the bankers gettin' sweaty beneath their white collars
As the pound in our pocket turns into a dollar

This is the 51st state of the USA
(Repeat and fade)
quote:
Originally posted by Betty:
[qb] Brudder bought a coconut, he bought it for a dime
Sister had another one, she paid it for the lime
She put de lime in de coconut she drank 'em bote up
She put de lime in de coconut she drank em bote up
She put de lime in de coconut, called de doctor woke em up

etc.
etc. [/qb]
Yeah, but you know that song is awesome.

edit - Whoops, forgot this wasn't the 'bad lyrics' thread.
"Birthday party, cheesecake, jelly bean, boom!" from "It's The End Of The World As We Know It (And I Feel Fine)" by REM

Although the whole song is pretty funny.

It's The End Of The World As We Know It (And I Feel Fine)

That's great, it starts with an earthquake, birds and
snakes, an aeroplane and Lenny Bruce is not afraid.
Eye of a hurricane, listen to yourself churn - world
serves its own needs, dummy serve your own needs. Feed
it off an aux speak, grunt, no, strength, Ladder
start to clatter with fear fight down height. Wire
in a fire, representing seven games, a government
for hire and a combat site. Left of west and coming in
a hurry with the furies breathing down your neck. Team
by team reporters baffled, trumped, tethered cropped.
Look at that low playing! Fine, then. Uh oh,
overflow, population, common food, but it'll do. Save
yourself, serve yourself. World serves its own needs,
listen to your heart bleed dummy with the rapture and
the revered and the right, right. You vitriolic,
patriotic, slam, fight, bright light, feeling pretty
psyched.

It's the end of the world as we know it.
It's the end of the world as we know it.
It's the end of the world as we know it and I feel fine.

Six o'clock - TV hour. Don't get caught in foreign
towers. Slash and burn, return, listen to yourself
churn. Locking in, uniforming, book burning, blood
letting. Every motive escalate. Automotive incinerate.
Light a candle, light a votive. Step down, step down.
Watch your heel crush, crushed, uh-oh, this means no
fear cavalier. Renegade steer clear! A tournament,
tournament, a tournament of lies. Offer me solutions,
offer me alternatives and I decline.

It's the end of the world as we know it.
It's the end of the world as we know it.
It's the end of the world as we know it and I feel fine.

The other night I dreamt of knives, continental
drift divide. Mountains sit in a line, Leonard
Bernstein. Leonid Brezhnev, Lenny Bruce and Lester
Bangs. Birthday party, cheesecake, jelly bean, boom! You
symbiotic, patriotic, slam book neck, right? Right.

It's the end of the world as we know it.
It's the end of the world as we know it.
It's the end of the world as we know it and I feel
fine...fine...

(It's time I had some time alone)
A House's I Am The Greatest.


1 2 3 4 Whatever happened to good music? You know in the days when you could feel it?
It was almost sexual, sending shivers up your spine. This, I believe is
because songwriters were not restricted by the small music dictatorship which
now exists. Let's hope the future holds something better than the present and
let's leave the past alone. The music business is incapable of bringing music
to the future, as it sits just waiting to pounce on any third rate trend,
milking it to death, once again putting money where the music is not. I only
wish I was born before all the great ideas were used. While I struggle to
working around this, the most annoying thing is watching other people succeed
through stealing them. I could have been a legend in my own time; I could
have sold a lot of records; I could have enjoyed it as well. I could have
been a lot of things. One thing that I know I am and will always be: I am the
greatest.

I bumped into this bloke the other day we used to know in school. We didn't
say 'hello' because he had his hair slightly perked and I had all mine shaved
off. He was always a bit of a clown. He used to be a hard man, but he did
his homework, because he knew that one day he'd be going places. I knew I
should have asked him there and then 'was he happy now that he'd finally got
there?' He goes to bed thinking of ways to fiddle ten more pounds on his
expenses. Me? I go to bed thinking of all the reasons why I am the greatest.

We always use other people as the mirror in which we judge ourselves. So, we
are constantly changing to meet their expectations. Maybe we've forgotten the
meaning of the word 'individual.' It's as if everything we do or think is
valued for its conformity. Anything fresh or original is hacked down and
always brought down to size. You don't even think for yourself, as a life
that is led for you is some kind of problem. You wouldn't recognize a new
idea if it spat in your face and screamed out [???]. Who am I to
talk? Who the hell do I think I am? I am the greatest.

Welcome to the wonderful world of show business. The dark and dank place
rarely lit by the harsh light of reality. I look around and I see big
mouthed rock stars with opinions on everything and answers to nothing.
Burnt out old men with money to burn. Bandwagons full of bands with
sycophantic fans with no lives of their own. A place where image is king and
music is a poorer relation that I can relate to. I am the greatest.

I am the greatest.

I am!
I think They Might Be Giants have some of the funniest lyrics in music. Extremely clever puns and utter silliness.

Some examples:

"If it wasn't for disappointment, I wouldn't have any appointments."


"Someday mother will die and I'll get the money. Mom leans down and says 'My sentiments exactly, you son of a bitch.'"

"Her face hangs in portrait on the post office wall. She's stuck in my heart now, where my blood belongs. She's actual size but she seems much bigger to me."

"I've been leaving on my things, so in the morning when the morning bird sings, there's still dinner on my dinner jacket til the dinner bell rings."


***************
Also, the Trash Can Sinatras (when you can understand them) have amazing lyrics. Very clever.

Some examples:

"rubbing shoulders with the sheets till two
looking at my watch and i'm half-past caring"

"he harbours thoughts on personal grief
i said your hardship's
only one of a fleet
that didn't go down well"

"i know she doesn't play the field
but she likes to know the strength of the team
she says she doesn't like my style
but i loved her in my own fashion"

"once upon a sign i read a warning and it said
'when in rome don't feed the lions'
what it meant i can't hazard a guess"

"long in the tooth and short on wisdom
up to here with the ache of it"

"so typical - a battle of wits
and i've come half prepared
i know all the ropes
but i haven't a hope
of pulling you back to me"

"over the moon and under the influence"

"you're out of sight and out of your mind
i cannot tell you how you should drive
but i've seen them rehearsing, reversing the hearse in
i know you must try
to overtake the undertaker
by putting your foot down and closing your eyes"
Yes Grace, They Might Be Giants, very funny indeed. I bought a copy of Flood a while back and my kids and i just can't stop playing it, especially Birdhouse in Your Soul, Istanbul, Dead and Particle Man, which they seem to get the biggest kick out of. I won't repeat any of the lyrics here, but check them out if you want a laugh. Well, okay here's an example:

Particle Man, Particle Man, doing the things a particle can. What's he like? It's not important. Particle man.
I just couldn't let this thread go by without mentioning the tragically missed Kirsty MacColl

Amongst many sheer gems - maybe the funniest is

England 2 - Columbia 0

Oh you shouldn't have kissed me and got me so excited
And when you asked me out I really was delighted
So we went to a pub in Belsize Park
And we cheered on England as the sky grew dark
Oh you shouldn't have kissed me cause you started a fire
But then I found out that you're a serial liar

You lied about your status
You lied about your life
You never mentioned your three children
And the fact you have a wife
Now it's England 2 Colombia 0
And I know just how those Colombians feel

If you hadn't passed out while I was talking to your friend
It could have really ended badly cause you very nearly had me
If he hadn't taken pity on my heart full of desire
I might never have found out you're a serial liar

You lied about your status
You lied about your life
You forgot you have three children
You forgot you have a wife
Now it's England 2 Colombia 0
And I know just how those Colombians feel

It is not in my nature to ever pick the winning team
Sometimes I think I'm happy then I remember it's a dream
Now it isn't in my nature to ever pick a winner
I always pick a bastard who would have me for his dinner*

I can never possess the object of my desire
Cause he's bound to turn out to be a serial liar
OK I didn't mention my kids, I thought I'd wait a bit
But I am free and single and he's a lying git

Cause he lied about his status
He lied about his life
He forgot he had three children
He forgot he had a wife
And it's England 2 Colombia 0
I know just how those Colombians feel

So I got into a taxi and sobbed all the way home
Called my friend up in Sao Paulo and cried down the phone
I played some tragic music and I lay down to die
But later I woke and I hadn't stopped crying

You should never have kissed me, you tasted of deceit
Your perfume was Adultery but I'm not a piece of meat
So I'll be the one that you couldn't acquire
I found out in time you're a serial liar

You lied about your status
You lied about your life
And I pity your three children
And I pity your poor wife
Now you can go to Hell
I'm going to Brazil
Still it's England 2 Colombia 0


Someone else who always makes me smile is Tom Morgan
either with his band Smudge or as a part of the Lemonheads...lots of fun songs that are gone within 2mins 30 secs..

Like....

Don't Want To Be Grant McLennan

Just want to be myself
But it all sounds like someone else
Everytime i play
Here comes that musical cliche
And it gets from bad to worse
Round the time of the second verse
Heres a great song i wrote
So good it doesn't rhyme

Want be like Robert Forster and rock and roll from heaven
But the songs i write in the middle of the night make me sound like Grant
McLennan
Don't wanna be Grant McLennan
Don't wanna be Grant McLennan
Paul Mcartney Ringo Starr
George Harrison and John Lennon
Don't wanna be Grant McLennan
Don't wanna be Grant McLennan
Don't wanna be

And the song has slowed down a pace
Got this pained expression on my face
Easy come easy go
Cos i want you to know
That i didn't know someone could be so lonesome
Didn't know a person could give off so much emotion

Want to be like Robert Forster and rock and roll from heaven
But the songs i write in the middle of the night make me sound like Grant
McLennan
Don't wanna be Grant McLennan
Don't wanna be Grant McLennan
Paul Mcartney Ringo Starr
George Harrison and John Lennon
Don't wanna be Grant McLennan
Don't wanna be Grant McLennan
Don't wanna be

And...

The Outdoor Type


Always had a roof above me
Always paid the rent
but I've never set foot inside a tent
Can't build a fire to save my life
I lied about being the outdoor type

i've never slept out underneath the stars,
the closest that i came to that was one time my car
broke down for an hour in the suburbs at night
i lied about being the outdoor type.

Too scared to let you know you knew what you were looking for
I lied until I fit the bill god bless the great indoors
I lied about being the outdoor type
I've never owned a sleeping bag let alone a mountain bike

i can't go away with you on a rock climbing weekend
what if somethings on tv and its never shown again
its just as well i'm not invited i'm afraid of heights
i lied about being the outdoor type

Never learned to swim can't grow a beard or even fight
I lied about being the outdoor type


=neil=
'Vatican Broadside' by Half Man Half Biscuit makes me smile....

The singer out of Slipknot went to Rome to see The Pope
The singer out of Slipknot went to Rome to see The Pope
The singer out of Slipknot went to Rome to see The Pope
And The Pope said to his aide . .

Who the ****ing hell are Slipknot?
Who the ****ing hell are Slipknot?
Who the ****ing hell are Slipknot?
In relation to me getting out of bed?

Big Grin
I always find that Weird Al is so terribly clever in lots of his parodies.

Some of my favorites:

Generic Blues:
"Well I ain't got no money, I'm just walkin' down the road
Said I ain't got no money, honey
I'm just walkin' down this lonely ol' road
Well I wish I could get me some money
But I forgot my automated teller code...
I got the blues so bad, woo
Kinda wish I was dead
Maybe I'll blow my brains out mama
Or maybe I'll, yeah maybe I'll just go bowlin' instead"

She Drives Like Crazy:
"She's a demon
Behind the wheel
Thinks she's driving
The Batmobile"

Dare To Be Stupid:
"You better squeeze all the Charmin you can while Mr. Whipple's not around
Stick your head in the microwave and get yourself a tan"

And finally...

Christmas At Ground Zero (1986):
"It's Christmas at Ground Zero
The button has been pressed
The radio just let us know
That this is not a test

Everywhere the atom bombs are droppin'
It's the end of all humanity
No more time for last minute shoppin'
It's time to face your final destiny

Well, it's Christmas at Ground Zero
There's panic in the crowd
We can dodge debris while we trim the tree
Underneath a mushroom cloud"
I always like the following Rhett Miller lines...

From the Old 97's song "Barrier Reef":

"I sidled up beside her, said my name's Stuart Ransom Miller, I'm a serial ladykiller...."

From the Old 97's song "Designs on You":

"I won't tell anybody except the people in the night club where I sing..."

I like Duran Duran's chorus to "Playing With Uranium":

"Come on over to my place (playing with uranium)
If it blows up in my face, sit on the other side..."

...and I always get a kick out of Lyle Lovett...

From "If I Had a Boat":

"Kiss my ass, I've bought a boat, and I'm headed out to sea."

From "That's Right You're Not From Texas":

The line where his girlfriend asks what's the big deal about Texas and he dumps her off at the side of the road for having done so...

Pretty much that whole song about the long-winded preacher (don't know the title offhand).

If I had the "Live in Texas" CD on me right now, I'd be a lot better about quoting and knowing song titles...plus I'd have scads more examples.
"one town, is very like another when your head's down over your pieces, brother!"

"so you better go back to your bars, your temples, your massage pahlahs..."

(I saw Chess live on broadway in London with the original cast, by the way...LOVED IT, the only reason it didn't do better was unfortunate timing at the END of the Cold War...I hear they're trying to re-vamp it a bit and bring it back with the same cast! COOL!!!!! )
I just got John Mayer's CD Heavier Things, lots of good lyrics on here....I like these lyrics from "Home Life":

See, I refuse to believe
That my life's gonna be
Just some string of incompletes
Never to lead me to anything remotely close to a home life
Been holding out for the home life
My whole life


Wonderful lyrics, but it's ouchy too...

Here's some great lines from the song "Something's Missing":

I'm dizzy from the shopping mall
I searched for joy but I bought it all
It doesn't help the hunger pain
And a thirst I'd have to drown first to
ever satiate

Something's missing
And I don't know how to fix it
Something's missing
And I don't know what it is
At all


Made all the more meaningful for me considering the shopping mall was exactly where I was this weekend - double ouch! Frowner

On a lighter note...I've been listening to The Cars Greatest Hits again! I love Ric Ocasek's lyrics, he has a clever turn of phrase. Some favorites:

You think you're so illustrious
You call yourself intense


And once in a night I dreamed you were there
I canceled my flight from going nowhere


Can I bring you out in the light
My curiosity's got me tonight


They want to crack your crossword smile

Heidi, I bet seeing the original cast performing Chess was fantastic....too bad that Mama Mia was so incredibly hideous...sometimes musicals just make me nauseous. Wink
I love The Bad Touch by The Bloodhound Gang. It's so completely juvenile, it makes me laugh everytime. And the chorus is like a really bad pick up line, "You and me baby ain't nothing but mammals..."

As for best lyrics, I sometimes find that hard to pick when you separate lines from the music. I feel the best lyric are tied to depth of emotion. Alex Lloyd's Backseat Clause is an example, "I'm still running away with you". Not the most groundbreaking lyric in the world but beautiful in performance.
Here's some from Rasputina's upcoming album... even funnier if you here the music that goes with it:

Wickied Dickie
(A story about a man and his cow)
"If you mourn for Dickie I�ll tell you right now
There was an old man and he had but one cow
Over hedges and ditches and fields he had plowed
He ran for his life just to get to his cow
Oh, whoa, wicked, wicked dickie done died
Oh, whoa, oh, wicked dickie done died �"

and this one:

"In a prehistoric dried up lake
A million years after the last earthquake
There lived a little girl who loved to bake
The only thing she made was cake
The only thing she used was salt
The only thing she had inside her vault
Saline the Salt Lake Queen... "

... I won't even go into the song "Momma was an Opium Smoker" Big Grin
LOL well I just listened to Baby Got Back for the first time in a while. Oh man it makes me laugh for some reason. But what really makes me laugh is the parody of it called "Baby Got Snacks" Here's my favorite lyric from the song.

"I seen her huffin, chokin on milk and muffins,
With butt, and gut, she's shaped like a Nissan truck."

LOL, oh well one more that really is my favorite.

"To the break of dawn, baby got the food on,
There's really not much to say;
Neck's so thick she could eat a brick,
If it's made by Frito Lays."

Big Grin bwahahahaha
"though i respect that a lot, i'd be fired if that were my job, after killing jason off and contless screaming argonauts" T.M.B.G - birdhouse in your soul

"yeah i'm kinda like han solo always stroking my own wookie, i'm the root of all thats evil yeah but you can call me cookie" bloodhound gang - fire water burn

the entirety of "all by myself" by green day

"cor baby thats really free!" john ottway - cor baby thats really free

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