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Sometimes when a person has suffered for so long, they become incredibly adept in suffering in silence. Depression is always a very personal ordeal, so in the illogical mind of the sufferer, it's often best to keep it under your hat. (Side note: And what a funky hat Paul had.)

This is what i've found a lot of people cannot comprehend. Unless you've tasted it, really tasted it, then it's almost impossible to understand how depression can consume you. It distorts reality, it drastically alters your perception, and it can make every thought turn to catastrophe. Everyday functions become rehearsals for disaster. IT'S A VERY FRIGHTENING PLACE TO BE.

That's what it comes down to today, dear readers: fear. Absolute paralyzing fear. And once fear overwhelms you, rationality and sensibility go out the flippin' window.

It's relatively easy to take on and play a more people-friendly character, the happy clown that everyone loves. The crux of it, and quite often the point of failure, is carrying on living that character. It simply can't be done.
You nailed it skip. Unless you know it, it's merely an abstraction. But once you know it you can see it in others (sometimes), unless they are good at covering up. But even when covering up there's always inconstencies... sometimes I can feel when someone is depressed... even if they seem happy I can feel it.. which can be confusing as I first of all wonder, 'why am I feeling so depressed?'... and sometimes it might be me... others times it's the other person.
Lot's of people can do this.. but often won't acknowledge that they feel anything anyway.
I don't want to think about what was in Paul's head.. it's probably pointless but anyone who's had serious depression knows something of what he was feeling in in his heart and in his gut... like sinking/drowning in pain/fear/the unknown.
Very very sad. "Drummers...we're all mad", he said to me once, not joking, and I, being one too, felt relieved to know there were others.
But, it never goes all away: they get you in the end.
Shame we don't hang around in packs and people who ought to know, claim to know, are unkind.

See you in heaven when I get there, brother.
I'll bring some plates from Rome.
I feel like I should be doing something but I'm not sure what. I also had a strange dream last night that made me sit up in bed..my heart was pounding and my next waking thought was the absolute disbelief that Paul had left this place. My mum was 47 when she passed and I was 7. I remember thinking...how come the sun is still coming up and people are still going about their business when she is not here anymore. I can only imagine what Pauls family is going through now,not to mention his tribe of global mates and "the rest of us" We all love you Paul...always will...from one of the rest
It was with great sadness that I heard of Paul's death . It is especially sad that his life ended in such a way. If any one out there has had close experience of the suicide of a friend or family member , then you will know of the feelings of guilt experienced among those closest to the departed friend. It is not a nice feeling . It takes a while to realise that we each have control over our own lives and except in extreme cases no one else can be blamed.Paul was loved and loved life , something just went wrong one day. Depression is a very complicated and puzzling illness. To all his close friends and family I express my deepest sympathy . Paul was part of two of the greatest bands this part of the world has ever produced and will be remembered in his music by fans world wide. New Zealand mourns an Aussie brother . RIP Paul.
Hi everyone, I just thought I would express my thoughts about Hessie�

I am really shocked and saddening deeply by the tragic death of Paul Hester. I feel that we all haven�t just lost Australia�s most talented, inspirational, funny musicians, but I honestly feel as though I have lost a great close mate and a role model. I�m only 19 and although I didn�t grow up listening to Split Enz or Crowded House, I absolutely love their music and the unique, funloving personalities of all the band members as shown in their music videos. My favourite member was, of course, Paul Hester � the unique, funny, silly drummer with a smile from ear to ear, making everyone else laugh.

Paul Hester was an inspiration to me, not only through his music but in his life. I always listen to Crowded House in the car. I just don�t get sick of their music (as if it were possible). The songs and music are so unique but so filled with talent. However, I think Paul made them great � his drumming but also his background vocals made the songs all the better. As a student, I always admired Paul in that, although �he was the first student in the Victorian education system to be petitioned by teachers to leave�, I was always so inspired that he managed to fulfil his dreams and did what he loved doing � becoming a famous and loved musician, being a great dad, living in the city and country he loves � his strength and his determination were truly great, and I hope that I can, one day, fulfil my dreams like Paul.

But mostly, it�s Paul�s personality and sense of humour that was truly entertaining and made everyone feel as though he was an old best friend that you could laugh and have fun with. That�s why I think, I especially, I�m so effected by Paul�s death � it�s like losing a mate but also a talented personality that can never be replaced. I think he could never ever be replaced, and his memory will never be forgotten. Right now, I just wish that Paul would have had the strength to get through his most recent obstacles. He had so much to live for. I wish that he would have known that although he touched so much of a generation of fans, his music, career and life were a true inspiration to a newer generation of fans, such as myself. Paul and his music are so truly special that they could never become unpopular. I also wish that I would have had the opportunity to meet him in person.

I give my deepest sympathies to his family, especially to his parents and his two daughters. I cannot imagine that grief they are going through as they are the ones that knew Paul the best and the ones that were the closest to him. I hope that their joyous memories of him will help them through, and always make his loving presence felt for them.

Thanks for everything Hessie. Rest in peace and may you enjoy eternal happiness where you are now.
I was at the Royal ALbert Hall on Mon night and it was truly an experience of life and love. The hat on the snare drum, the great rendiitons of some old and memorable CH songs, and as for Italian Plastic (one of Paul's) - it was magic! Yay to the Finns and Mr Seymour for making it a memorable and emotional night. THANKS
It's so comforting to read all these beautiful messages and memories at this difficult time. It provides reassurance that I am not alone in my enormous sense of loss. I think it's a brilliant idea to collate these messages and at some later stage, present them to Sunday and Olive so that they can experience and understand the 'magic' their dad possessed, as well as providing an insight into how widely he was loved around the world.

I think it's really important that there is some sort of public gathering to celebrate Paul's life. Is it true that the public memorial tribute at the Prince of Wales hotel has been cancelled due to fears of overcrowding? Are there any plans for an alternative location? Has anybody heard anything?

We should do something together to show Paul (and everyone else for that matter!), how MUCH we all loved him and to remember, honour and celebrate an unforgettable life that ended way too soon.

R.I.P. Paul
***********
Words always seem so inadequate at times like these, but I want to try and express how very sorry I am for Paul and his loved ones. This situation is sad beyonds words. Frowner

I never met Paul personally, but the Split Enz concerts in the late 1970s at The Roundhouse in London were the highlights of my youth. The music of Split Enz was a real passion which I was fortunate to share with my brother and my best friend at school. Since then the Finn music in one form or another has kept me company through my life as I've brought up a much loved family of my own.

On Sunday I came online to read about the Finns excited at the prospect of attending the concert on Monday, and read with disbelief and horror the earliest indications of this tragedy. Frowner

Last year I was lucky enough to do the very early morning tour of the Sydney Opera House. As we sat having breakfast I mentioned the Crowded House concert, as being a Londoner I have had to rely on my video to capture that. It must have been awesome.

My best friend from school and I attended the concert on Monday, and it was the most poignant concert as you can imagine. I have tremendous respect for all the musicians that played that night. There was no formal announcement about Paul. The music just spoke for itself and it was really a privilege to be there that night. Starting with the pantomime horse raised a much needed smile to be followed by tears during that most poignant of tributes. That's grief though, the smiles are all the more precious because of the sadness. It was a fun moment hearing Tim Finn admitting that he was a Royal Albert Hall virgin, and I kept thinking that Paul would have found that amusing too.

The music was such a comfort that night and from the amazing response to this tragedy, it just demonstrates the affect that people and their music can have on people's lives. When my Dad was dying of cancer I latched onto Tim Finn's Before & After CD. The music seemed to help at a time when very little could, and the concert on Monday night was similarly comforting. I hope it helps Paul's loved ones to know that so many people have been touched by his life and by his music.

Speaking as a mother my heart particularly goes out to his children who face such an immense loss. I am so so sorry. Frowner
someone posted something on here in the last couple of days (I think it was yesterday) about a tribute show on TV, I think on Saturday night but I can't remember the details and I seriously can't find the post anymore. I had intended to come back to it. if whoever posted it is reading this could they please re-post the information?....sorry!
I posted some comments yesterday at http://alifeonthenet.com and have now updated it with some audio from Monday night's show with Neil, Tim and Nick on stage.

They are totally unofficial recordings and very poor quality as I recorded them on my mobile (although you get used to it!). If someone thinks they should be removed then I will do that but in the absence of anything better I hope you will enjoy the chance to hear some of what was said.

I only found out about Paul's death about 10 minutes before going in to the show. I saw CH about a month after Paul left and was gutted that I would not enjoy the stage banter that the guys had.

Monday night was as close as I will get to witnessing him on stage. My thoughts go to his family.

Thanks, Paul.
Oh, my Everyone Is Here CD with DVD arrived this morning. Not home til Saturday but I am almost nervous about watching the bits with Paul playing with Neil and Tim.

I should have said that the chorus of Italian Plastic that was played on Monday was one of the most joyous musical experiences of my life. I was listening to the track over and over on Tuesday and welled up every time.
I went to the Albert Hall on Tuesday and left smiling (remembering Paul) but with tears streaming down my face. What a great man with a great talent who will be sorely missed by thousands. How many people can claim that.

I went to see CH before they were really popular in England in a Sports Leisure Hall and absolutely LOVED IT. Saw them again as they became more well known at Wembley Arena a few years later. Will never forget the tremendous banter and Paul coming out front of the drums for Sister Madly.

Love to Paul's family and closest friends. I can't begin to imagine how much of a loss you have suffered.
I was at the final RAC concert in London last night and I wanted to post and tell you all that the most beautiful, heart wrenching tribute to a friend that I have ever seen...

The dignity and even humour with which Neil, Tim and then Nick approached the whole concert was just amazing to see. I managed to last until the end before I, along with most of the audience, broke down in tears during Peter Green's request from Melbourne for 'Better be home Soon'. To hear the whole audience gently singing this song for Paul, without music accompaniment nor a lead from the Finns or Nick, I just... there's nothing I can say to describe it...

Even now, tears are welling up in my eyes (and I'm supposed to be working). I hope that, as I felt last night, the love for Paul that we all displayed at the concerts this week, along with the beautiful posts on Frenz.com that we have all been reading go some way to helping his friends and family heal...

Thank you to the Finns, Nick, the techies, other musicians and the audience for an experience last night I will never forget...

And finally, thank you to all the other Frenz out there who through this website have shown me that there are people who do understand how I feel...

God bless Paul...we all love and miss you...
quote:
Originally posted by Purpleams:
[qb] Still thinking of you Paulo ....

Just one thing and I know we've mentioned it already, but does anybody know about Paul's dogs? People keep asking me and we're all really concerned. I know a lot of you might think it's not important, but I just can't bear thinking of those poor sad dogs along with everything else. [/qb]
I was worried about the dogs too, as I'm a doggie person. I totally agree.
I was introduced to the music by an Australian guy I worked with when living in Germany in the 80's. Since then I have been a huge fan, and saw the boys in concert many times all over Germany, and more recently in Oxford UK.
I have struggled to learn many 'house' songs on my guitar, and I can honestly say they are a big part of my life.
My abiding memory of Paul is of him in Munich, center stage with snare and brushes playing 'sister madly' a real Star!
Edible flowers is playing now on the radio and I feel choked and heartbroken for all his family, friends and associates.. God bless you and thank you for making my life so much richer!
Shaani sorry I dont remember anything about a TV tribute being mentioned here. There was a post about Triple M radio in Melb having a tribute at 12pm tomorrow arvo, and MusicMax have been playing stuff all week but that's all I've heard about.

And whoever asked about the Prince of Wales- yeah it is to be an invitation only affair. (I was wondering how they would fit everyone in.) There are suggestions of a public thing later on, but no details.

On that, I am coming to Melbourne the week of the 26th April- I know its a ways off but just in case anyone else was considering the trip thought I'd mention it. Don't know any of you of course but I'm sure we could raise a glass somewhere anyways. PM me if you're interested.

I went searching for my 'envelope of stuff' (10yrs of fan club stuff, badges etc) but I think I have moved too many times and I have lost it somewhere. I haven't cried as much today but that really upset me. bugger.

Again, there have been so many beautiful words on here today. Thankyou to david1 who posted the most gorgeous picture matched by some perfect words.
From Northern Ireland thanks for the memories (that live on) Paul,

Crowded House have meant so much to me since the few depressed years when I went to college back in the 90's. I remember the elation I felt listening to a live concert I recorded off the radio from Coventry, England. I remember the wit:

"The Ultimate Committment. Complete, Unrelenting, will succeed where talent falls short............ Somebody said that to me once....... Great comfort..... Great comfort."

It was their optimism, the joy they expressed that makes it so hard to believe that Paul would ever burn out like this.

Crowded House and music gave meaning to my life when I didn't really think that life wasn't worth living. I picked up the guitar and sang and I've often thought it saved my life.

Paul, the joy you brought and the love you gave lives on. It means more to us than you probably ever imagined, as the posts here show.


"In time you'll see that some things travel faster than light,
In time you'll see that love is larger than life."
Its taken me 4 days to try and get my head around this. Still it just isnt sinking in. I was lucky enough to meet the 'great man' twice and was absolutely lovely.
I feel like ive lost a family member-i guess i have. Enz and Crowdies music have been a big part of my family's life.
Just so so sad Frowner
Thankyou Paul for the music, the laughter and for giving a 15yr old girl (and my mother!) 10mins of your time and memories that will last a lifetime.
Sincere condolences to pauls family, friends, colleagues and fellow fans.

R.I.P Paulo, you will be greatly missed
xxx
Do you think it would be an appropriate gesture to somehow print and bind these posts as a gift or tribute for Paul's daughters?

yes, definitely, though there may be some editing to do.

i did feel i had to send something to the family, friends and other fans too. as everybody here, i do find some solace in reading others' messages. at least you don't have to explain "paul, who?" or why it matters.

To his family, forgive him. two people close to me have taken their own lives, and i know all the contradictory feelings you must be going through. i like to believe in these moments that we are able somehow to communicate with our beloved ones and that we can make peace at last.

to paul: i keep amazingly good and funny memories from the times we met. pain and sorrow i know time will soften. but happiness, nothing ages like it, it stays bold and strong and as shiny a memory as ever.
i have written about those moments here (in french, cos monsieur, that is where i am from):
http://www.blogotheque.net/article.php3?id_article=842

and i added that great version of "weather with you" paul did with neil, i really loved his sort of pixy voice and the way he did the harmonies!

whether you kneel, pray, sing, scream or dance, we're all doing it now, and it is for you paul.

thank you for having been around and being a good person.
lilou...I absolutely agree with your comment about having to explain why it matters. It just does!! Some of the comments I've had from non-frenz have been "oh gee, that's no good" or "which one was he again?" or even from one person (whom I'm not sure I'll ever speak to again) "what's your problem, you didn't know him"...they do not understand how painful it is to hear that right now but all you guys on here do understand and I can't imagine what it would have been like without this forum.

I was getting into my car after stopping at a shop yesterday and happened to be wearing my CH shirt with the burning building on the back. A ute pulled up behind me and a guy got out. I didn't hear what the other guy in the ute had said but the one getting out said, "yeah, there was some band and one of 'em's dead now, can't remember who they were". My first reaction was to turn around and have a big say, but then I got in the car and thought...well, you poor individual for not having experienced Paul and CH and all other related joys. How dull your life must have been.
um......this is sooo much harder than I expected. I didn't know Paul personally nor the CH boys but that doesn't mean I didn't have a sometimes, I think, unhealthy obsession for their music. I wish someone could explain why then, do I feel crushed by this man's death? Not sure if this is healthy. I am listening to and watching as much 'stuff' as practicable. 'It' comes in waves...... How do you miss someone you never knew????

These words are for Mardi.........
This insidious disease affected my family in '92 and ended, tragically, exactly the same way, also leaving behind an 8 and 10year old. Mardi, you will be pleasantly surprised how resiliant your children will be - they WILL be your strength and you should use them to your advantage - the road is wide enough for all three. Each night, when you scream and wail into your pillow....when you think no one hears - Paul does! And it is he, who you will feel giving you the strength just to get you to the next day. He will surround you and cradle you at all times but you know that already. No one can take away this pain - ever!!! BUT, rest assured, it gets....not easier.....just different, more managable and not such a struggle. My heart aches for you, sister, good luck.

...............PEACE, PERFECT PEACE............
Hi everyone, I just thought I would express my thoughts about Hessie�

I am really shocked and saddening deeply by the tragic death of Paul Hester. I feel that we all haven�t just lost Australia�s most talented, inspirational, funny musicians, but I honestly feel as though I have lost a great close mate and a role model. I�m only 19 and although I didn�t grow up listening to Split Enz or Crowded House, I absolutely love their music and the unique, funloving personalities of all the band members as shown in their music videos. My favourite member was, of course, Paul Hester � the unique, funny, silly drummer with a smile from ear to ear, making everyone else laugh.

Paul Hester was an inspiration to me, not only through his music but in his life. I always listen to Crowded House in the car. I just don�t get sick of their music (as if it were possible). The songs and music are so unique but so filled with talent. However, I think Paul made them great � his drumming but also his background vocals made the songs all the better. As a student, I always admired Paul in that, although �he was the first student in the Victorian education system to be petitioned by teachers to leave�, I was always so inspired that he managed to fulfil his dreams and did what he loved doing � becoming a famous and loved musician, being a great dad, living in the city and country he loves � his strength and his determination were truly great, and I hope that I can, one day, fulfil my dreams like Paul.

But mostly, it�s Paul�s personality and sense of humour that was truly entertaining and made everyone feel as though he was an old best friend that you could laugh and have fun with. That�s why I think, I especially, I�m so effected by Paul�s death � it�s like losing a mate but also a talented personality that can never be replaced. I think he could never ever be replaced, and his memory will never be forgotten. Right now, I just wish that Paul would have had the strength to get through his most recent obstacles. He had so much to live for. I wish that he would have known that although he touched so much of a generation of fans, his music, career and life were a true inspiration to a newer generation of fans, such as myself. Paul and his music are so truly special that they could never become unpopular. I also wish that I would have had the opportunity to meet him in person.

I give my deepest sympathies to his family, especially to his parents and his two daughters. My deepest sympathies go to his two closest friends and colleagues, Neil Finn and Nick Seymour. I cannot imagine that grief they are going through as they are the ones that knew Paul the best and the ones that were the closest to him. I hope that their joyous memories of him will help them through, and always make his loving presence felt for them.

Thanks for everything Hessie. Rest in peace and may you enjoy eternal happiness where you are now.

- David
Hi all...Been spending the week in total bewilderment. Long time fan who tragically let his club membership expire a couple of years ago, it takes something like this to jolt you back and make you realise how important the 'Enz Family' is to you.
It's taken me a few days to try and write something. And I still don't know what to say. Been driving around a lot listening to the Fan Club's Concert CDs. Enjoying them again, loving the entertainment and music...Then suddenly jolting back with the horror of what happened. It still seems like a horrible dream, so surreal. In a few days I'll play some old Crowdie concerts and Hessie's shed episodes...But not yet.
Deepest sympathy and love to all- Mardi & the kids, Peter, The Finns, and all the extended family. To fellow fans like myself who never met him yet whose lives were touched by this wonderful human being...It's so so hard at the moment, but I raise my glass for Paul, and appreciate the impact he had on my own life, and the life of so many others. Hugely missed, but never forgotten. RIP.
I was sent this about a year after my husbands suicide & to me it made sense so thought i would post it on the forum it is called
THE CUP ANALOGY
There is a cup of water sitting on a table.It is so full, it is rounded at the top.One or two drops of water are addded to the cup & it spills over.What caused the water to spill? We want to blame the last one or two drops, but in an empty cup it would not spill.
It was not the water in the cup prior to the drops being added, because if left alone,it would not have spilled.It was a combination of all the drops of water in the cup that came before it & the last one or two drops that caused the water to spill.
In a person's life, the water in the cup is symbolic of all the hurt, pain, shame,humiliation,& loss not dealt with along the way.The last couple of drops symbalize the "trigger events","the last straw",the event or situation that preceded the final act of taking one's own life.
Often we want to blame the trigger event, but this does not make sense to us.Like the water, these events all by themselves would not cause somoeone t end their life.It is the combination of everything in that person's life not dealt with & teh last one or two things that caused our loved ones to lose hope.
For us, we must find a way to pour out the water along the way.This may be through talking it out, writing it out,sometimes yelling it out, whatever works for you.We must learn to deal with our pain in a way our loved ones could not.
`````````````````````````````````````````
this analogy does not give us the answer many of us are looking for, but it made sense for me & has been helpful for many suruvivors of suicide. i was able to get go of my asking "WHY WHY WHY" & find another way to help with my grief
Another multiple poster but...

I finally bought the Dreaming DVD last night. It was just brilliant seeing all the guys in their younger days mucking about and making great music. Paul as always played the clown in most of the videos and it watching it just made me realise what a vital part of my life CH's music have come to represent. Even without watching the videos again, I knew the images by heart(and I am sure most everyone on this board do also). It was a real happy/sad evening for me in front of the TV, singing the songs and remembering Paul.

CH's first album was the first cd I ever owned and I still remember thinking what an amazing song Don't Dream It's Over is listening to it for the first time in the car on the way home one afternoon when I was about 11.

Thank you for the music Paul (and Neil and Nick). I will be watching you again tonight and for many nights to come, treasuring the memories and wonderful music you helped to bring into all of our lives.
I have to say I was totally gobsmacked by the news. I havent listened to crowded house for a few years and I was really surprised at how the news effected me. That's the kind of effect the boys and their music has, especially paul.

There's a kind of seeping friendly intimacy you feel with the music.

While I have left school years ago and dont speak to many of my old friends as much as I'd like to, I still consider them great mates and always an important part of my life. I feel the same about crowded house's/finns/hester music. I know it's sounds wierd but it's really true. Losing hessy was like losing an old mate. Probably a bad analogy but the only one I can think of to describe it.

sorry guys, I'm not good with words.

I just want to express my deepest sympathies for Pauls family, friends, fans and admirers.
A damn fine drummer, and impeccible taste in clothes. rock on.

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