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I've now joined and can post my feelings. I'm still in shock after hearing that Paul had died :'( I can't believe he's gone.

I met Paul in February 1994 after Crowded House played at Raiders Niteclub in Queanbeyan. The gig was just amazing and 'Hessie' decided to headbutt his microphone during 'Sister Madly' and the audience were in stitches. Paul was actually gracious enough to let me kiss him on the cheek and I got the band's autographs. That is one memory I'll cherish.

My heart goes out to his daughters, Mardi, Neil, Nick, Tim, Peter Green and everyone here.
Apart from watching the Finn Bros. Wellington concert on Chanel 4 (UK) on Monday night (which even though it was recorded before this happened it made me feel a bit raw, especially the CH numbers)I haven't gone yet and visited my Crowded House videos and records, don't quite know why.

But I work in a bar which has a private room to let and just as I was showing some customers around "Don't Dream it's Over" came on over the sound system. I had to excuse myself for a few moments as it just hit me so hard - all I could concentrate on was the drum track.

I logged on to the site on Monday when I heard the news because even though I haven't followed Paul's career as closely as Neil & Tim - he has obviously touched my life in a greater way than I had realised. The outpouring from all the other fans has been raw, heartfelt, humerous and comforting. It's good to know that Paul will be remembered in the hearts of millions for many years to come.
Originally posted by Florance:
[qb] Hey suzanne,
weet je al meer over het al dan niet doorgaan van het concert in utrecht 6 april? [/qb]
I'm not Suzanne... but I just called the venue, they still don't know for sure...

appologies for the thread hijack, I think we should discuss canceling or not of gigs in a seperate thread!

As an Australian living in the States, I have to tell you this horrid news has reached many people and the out pour of shock, grief and love for Paul is amazing.

I am 46 years of age myself. I feel like Paul, Tim, Neil, and all the guys have been part of my life forever. I have gone from the fantasy of youth to the age of maturity all along with their music as a constant back drop.

Paul was special. Perhaps it was his clowning around and sense of humor that endeared him to us.

Words are hard at a time like this. I would like to extend my condolences and send my love to his girls, his parents, his musical family members and all the many fans out there.

Take pride in the love and respect that the world is showing him as a person and for his incredible talent that luckily for the rest of us was blessed to have found a group of gifted musicians that produced music for it to be showcased.
Writing from Spain, I have to say that news haven't reached here really hard.

Just a small piece of news in the newspaper El Mundo, one of the most important here, but nothing about it on TV or radio.

It seems only the listees of the Finn mailing list (Spanish Frenz/TiTM list) really know/care about this fact.

Indiference and lack of information feel just so cruel and cold, here in South-Western Europe.

Originally posted by Piglet:
Originally posted by Florance:
[qb] Hey suzanne,
weet je al meer over het al dan niet doorgaan van het concert in utrecht 6 april? [/qb]
I'm not Suzanne... but I just called the venue, they still don't know for sure...

appologies for the thread hijack, I think we should discuss canceling or not of gigs in a seperate thread!

Piglet, you are right of course. I'll try to figure out how to start at thread!


[/hijack] [/qb]
Thanks Paul for your entertaining commentary on JJJ in the early 90's, and then your guest spots on the Fox FM Martin/Molloy. He was a wonderful radio personality, where his irreverent humour was put to good use (much better than some of those who make it their full time job). He was very open and honest with his opinions, very no-holds-barred, and consequently I feel like I've lost a long-time friend. And I never knew him personally.

The way he lived his life far outweighs the way he died. Hopefully his death won't overshadow a unique personality. I think that is the major reason why there is so much saddness and grief over his passing, because he was a one-off personality. There has never been anyone like him, and probably never will be.

He gave so much positive energy to society and to those he met and loved. Such a wonderful man, a contagious spirit, he deserves to rest in peace.

Love ya Paulo
My first memories of Crowded House date back to when Recurring Dream was released.

I bought the best of album because I had heard the singles. From then I developed a passion for their flowing music. I promptly bought the other albums and began to develop a love for the lesser songs. No other band has been talented enough to captivate me in the way CH have.

I will never forget going to my friend�s house and spending the night listening to all the CH classics over a few casual beers. In my opinion that is what CH are all about. Reminiscing.

I have memories of Paul�s Hessie Shed. I can recall watching it with a mate and laughing hysterically because we were really into Crowded House then and couldn�t believe that Paul has his own show.

I would like to thank Paul for his influence on my musical taste. Without him CH would not have been so humorous and enjoyable. I wish that he has found peace in his new life.
Have love Paul since Deck Chairs o/board (forget their song/hit's title) with deb conway. Have always loved the EnZ. Was so glad when Paul joined the EnZ at the end. Was so thankful the House was created and left such a different breath in our world of music. Remember laughing out loud reading a Juke article from Paul, when he first toured the states, and people staring at me on the tram. Been to 3 crowded house gigs in my life, and all have special places. Have always stopped and read or watched mostly everything he was in, missed his shed though. Had a b/friend who went to high school with him, a year behind, and another ex b/f who, a year back or so, was involved in a small project with him. Through both, I got to know personal stories of Paul. He was always so in your face with his offbeat personality that anyone who love his music feel they know him. My radio went on at 7am on Monday, and heard the news he had died. I went to my stash of concert and special event t's and grabbed my Farwell t that came with the video. And Max went to a tribute, that was the power of the loss. My eyes, like many around the world, have hurt from the tears they have shed. The question of why, from people who have never experienced, or never had someone directly lost from suicide is a reaction of the grief we all feel. *hugs* and warm comfort to those who asked, to those who understand and to the families, , the fans who have voiced the feelings of loss and memories, as I have read these pages from the beginning to now, from all over the world, the friends of his and the many in the music community who all hold at least one special story of the man who made us all laugh in the middle of a song. To his girls, this book of tributes is who your dad was. Like many before me, a have a wish that I still lived in melb, or could have afforded to have flown down to the gig and the prince tonight. I may have got in (with my ex, who is still a friend). I had a cry tonight when I saw a pic of the hat on the snare, and many times again, again, when I read the rest of these pages. We are blessed with his leaving behind such a wicked and wonderful tribute in his playing, and what he gave us of himself, and we all know we're different when they hear his music now. Another star playing in the starZsupergroup to look at when I gaze at the clear night sky and remember. And another one lost to the bitterness of suicide.

Loved U so much Paul. *kisses to the sky*. you made so many people laugh and enjoy your wicked drumming so many times around this wonderful planet.

Thanks for the memories. Rest now in Peace.
dear all,

the first and probably the only post i'll do in here. i'm currently lucky enough to be travelling the world.

I was first exposed to CH when listening to 'American Top 40' on radio on a Sunday night, in Melbourne, as a kid. Casey Casem (spelling?) described them as "the band from downunder trying to catch the deluge in a paper cup". I remember it distinctly. I was hooked on the song immediately. To me, "Don't Dream..." remains the greatest recorded pop song I've ever heard.

A love of the rest of the band's music came soon after. The debut album was the first album that I actually went out and purchased with my own pocket money, and remains an absolute favourite. CH's music remains so important to my life. Almost 20 years on and the songs are still listened to often - be they the albums, or some of the live CDs and bits and pieces that I've picked up over the years. CH were so good at writing songs, so good at recording those songs, and pure genius at creating new interpretations of those songs live.

In that time, I have also been exposed to the effects of suicide in my immediate family. It is within a week of 14 years since my father took his own life.

I can not express in words what it is like to be one of the people 'close' to the person who has made the decision to take their own life. I could spend pages trying to describe it to you all, but I still probably wouldn't do justice to the emotions and effects that a person goes through, when someone close to you makes that decision, and goes through with it.

You can only hope that the person has found some form of peace from the hell that they must have been living through. Unfortunately, in making the decision to take their own life, the burden of pain does get transferred to those 'close' to them. That to me is the saddest aspect of it. If the person ultimately knew the pain it would cause in trying to take their own pain away, then I am convinced that in most cases, most people would change their minds on taking their own life.

As a fan, I am personally saddened that I've lost a 'friend' that I didn't actually personally know. Selfishly, something has been taken away from me. The chance of being entertained and energised and emotionally grabbed by a live performance of CH has gone forever. Secretly we were all hoping it was going to happen weren't we....

I feel a little guilty for having those feelings, but they can't be helped, as the music of CH became so important to me over the years.

One thing that personal experience has given me is the knowledge that those who were closest to Paul, will be feeling extraordinary pain. Especially his two young children.

Another point I'd like to mention. The person's life should not be summarised or categorised by their last act. Those who suicide should not be remembered for how they died. They should be remembered for how they lived, as their last act is often the tragic end of a major 'trough' in the ups and downs of their life, rather than what the gusto of their life was about.

So for goodness sake if you are a fan, remember Paul as an entertainer, a magical musician, and a bloody funny bloke. From what I read, they were the aspects of his life that he truly loved, and thankfully what I saw over the past 20 or so years as a fan.

My thoughts go out to his family and close friends and those personally effected by what has happened over the past few days. I hope Paul has found some peace, and I hope those close to him find their own in the future.

Now I shall toddle off, and listen to those songs again just quietly and remember the joys I experienced from the life of a very telented man.
I still can't quite believe it. Paul was a wonderful performer. I'll never forget his 'flat note' (Neils words - not mine!) at Portsmouth Guildhall, UK, all those years ago, and the spectacular performance of Sister Madly that followed it. It still gives me goosebumps today when i listen to it on the greatest hits album.

God Bless Paul.

L x

This is my second post (my 1st is on pg 11).
What I want to say is directed at everyone who has posted encouraging words for people (like me) suffering from depression.
There are far too many quotes to mention, but some of you have sent messages urging sufferers to "hang on", "there are people who love you", "please seek help" etc.
I have to say that I have been having another depressive episode over the last couple of months and these words have honestly lifted me a lot.

I'm not near suicide or anything like that but you'r words have made a lot of difference to me.

Some of you have said that people should look closer and give more support to people with depression, and there has been talk of setting up some kind of trust or making donations to help people at risk of this 'silent killer'.

I can't think of a better thing to come out of Paul's death. Knowing the kind of guy he was, I'm sure he would be honoured and pleased to know that his fans' new awareness and donations will go towards helping some other people who are suffering like he did.

Anyway, was just wanting to thank those of you who've conveyed kind words to sufferers, and urged people to be vigilant. Reading these posts really has made a big difference to me.
Hello there,

I found out about Paul's passing on Easter Sunday but have held off joining the forum and posting anything until now because I've just been too sad.

I guess, like all of you, this event has made me realize how much the Crowdies have meant to me for all these years. Their music provided the soundtrack for my late teens and 20's and I've never put it away.

And that probably explains why, even though I was never lucky enough to meet Paul, I feel like I have lost a dear and constant friend this week.

I can relate to what so many of you around the world have been feeling, marooned in our own little outposts of grief as we are; it's actually a comfort to know that you are all out there.

At this point, all I can do is offer my love & sympathy to Mardi and the girls, to Paul's immediate family and to Neil, Nick, Tim, Peter and the many others who knew and loved him.

Ciao Paulo, Bella Bambino. We won't forget you!
I am so sad. Articles say that Paul�s friends didn�t even know he had a problem with depression. And sadly, this is so often the case, as severely (& suicidally) depressed people usually don�t want to burden others with their pain. Obviously his pain was so great the only way he had to end it was to end his life. It is a sober reminder of how serious a problem depression is in the world, and how many lives it ends and how it tragically changes the lives forever of the survivors. Depression is a silent killer and ruins lives as much as guns, poverty and violence do. I hope we all can be more supportive of others struggling with the illness of depression, so that one more life -- and the creative gifts it would give to the world -- will not be snuffed out before its time. I hope Paul is in a happier place, and finally at peace.
Still struggling to come to terms with this.

My sadness is compounded by the fact that my brother, with whom I shared three Crowded House gigs, and a couple of Neil's shows, hung himself just over a year ago at the age of 45. My brother had had a 20 year cycle of deep depression followed by long spells of relative calm and happier times. I take some comfort that my brother's inner torture has ceased, of course I would love him to be alive, but this is just as selfish as suicide appears to be.

The hardest thing for the people left behind is not knowing why, but this also helps avoiding pointing the finger at a person or a certain event in the person's life.

The first few weeks were horrible, but it does get easier, but there are still CD's in my collection I cannot revisit given my brother's influence on my music preferences.

Rest in peace Paul - you will never be forgotten.
I gotta agree with the sentiment about this entire thread-man, if his family and friends could read this...some really lovely posts here from fans. Amazing how one person can have such an effect on so many people, isn't it?

Originally posted by HawkeyePierceNeilfan:
[qb] I have already posted, but felt the need to do so again. The age old axiom "talking helps" is true here.[/qb]
Hey, I'm with you here...I've posted so many times in this thread, hopefully nobody's sick of my ramblings yet. But like you said, talking it out helps.

Originally posted by HawkeyePierceNeilfan:
[qb] I don't know if I can ever bear to sit and watch the DVD again-especially Something So Strong-that cartwheel! and Chocolate Cake-Mrs Paul Hairy Legs.
I guess I will watch it again, but not now. I can see Paul and I think, My God, he's dead.[/qb]
I couldn't sleep last night, so I decided to finally break down and try watching a few Crowded House things I had on tape. Baby steps and all, you know?

And yeah. It was an odd experience.

hello again. I posted a couple of nights ago when i first found out. I didn't sleep very much that night and had strange dreams... (I know it sounds a pathetic comparison, but the last time i had such a poor nights sleep was when my cat was dying.) Frowner

What a great tribute this forum is. Old fans and new, newbies and long time posters... And hopefully most have played something to remind them of Paul's talent, humour and exuberance and laughed out loud. An even greater tribute.
Dear Paul,

Thanks for sticking around as long as you did. I wish you'd have stayed longer but I'm sure you know that already.

We so much appreciate all that you shared during this life. Your humor and talent will never, ever be forgotten.

I hope that your spirit is now free, happy and enjoying the view.

one of us

P.S. Come back soon! The world needs more people like you.
Had a day of work today so i decided to make it my own Personal Paul hester tribute day!

I wore my Together alone tour shirt all today in honour of the great man Paul hester.Also been singing my heart out to all the crowded house albums and videos all day leaving my throat sore but i don't care.

I think singing the songs i love in my bedroom with the stereo on full blast is just how paul liked his music,loud!!!!!!!!I feel alot better for it too just like i hoped Neil and Tim feeled after their concerts in London.

RIP Paul
I don't know what to say. Havent done this before, but thought I may sleep better if I wrote my feelings down. I am truly devasted that this wonderful man felt so alone when there are so many people who feel more like friends than simple fans. I have had the pleasure of meeting the boys on a few occasions, after concerts and spending the day with them when they filmed the clip for "Four seasons in one day". I agree with everyone here, my friends and family dont understand how I feel so I sneak on here so many times a day just so I am sharing it people who do understand. I feel like I have got so much to say but dont know where to start.... I will miss you, Paulo. Thankyou for the memories, thankyou for the music, thankyou for the laughs, thankyou for being such a huge part of my life, and my growing up...oh, if only you had known. RIP, you lovely man.
WARNING: The following post may qualify as "too much information". Only read it if you're sure you want to hear it. That it is about me isn't important or even relevant. I just hope it will enlighten someone, somewhere, and just maybe it will make a difference.

Just look at the optimistic name I have. my glass half full? You bet it is. I have a wonderful husband and two beautiful children. I see the good in people and the positive that comes out of adversity. I don't think the world and humanity are doomed. Surely someone like me doesn't suffer from something like depression.....WRONG!

I have been battling depression since early adolescence. I attempted suicide at the tender age of 13. It comes in the dead of winter when I'm deprived of adequate sunlight. It attacks when life snowballs me with more than I can handle. It comes out of nowhere, when things are good, and I'm left wondering "why is this happening...what do I have to be depressed about?"

Depression can get its hooks into people like me, and life loving jokesters like Paul Hester. It makes it hard to wrap your head around, when someone so upbeat is found hanging in a public park. It isn't logical, but there is nothing logical about depression. And there is nothing logical about the thought process of someone in that state.

I can only imagine what Paul must have been thinking. Probably similar things to what I was thinking that very day. The morning after having had a random thought that Paul Hester was dead, I found myself unable to get out of bed. It was a sunny spring day, yet I was trapped in a dark cloud, that appeared out of nowhere. I lay in bed for hours, thinking of the many times I have found myself in this state, and wondering how many times I will find myself here again. I thought about my two children and wondered if it would be easier for them to not have me at all than to repeatedly witness me in this state. Which is more harmful to my two beautiful babies? I had an overwhelming desire to just die...

Then I somehow found it in myself to just get out of bed. I went to my computer, and turned it on. I went online and learned the news about Paul Hester. I imagined him dying alone, having the same thoughts I was having mere moments earlier. I thought about the random thought I had the day before....that Paul was dead. Where did it come from?

Something changed in me. Though I was overcome with the shock and grief of what happened to Paul, my personal crisis seemed to subside to a more manageable level. It felt like a wake up call. Maybe Paul's death prevented mine......who knows. Who knows how much further I might have sunk, and what I might have done, if I hadn't just been shocked back into the real world.

Break the silence? Well, I just did it. It's not easy to hear, is it? Well, I assure you, it's even harder to tell. People like me are really good at putting on the happy face. We don't want to bring down the people around us, yet it's difficult to carry the load alone. People suffering from depression need to know that someone wants to hear them and help them. And that they won't be judged.

So if you want to do something in memory of Paul.....change. Change how you view people with depression. Change how you deal with people who are depressed. Choose to want to listen and help. Accept them. Love them. And let them know that they are worth going through the tough times with.

"I would love
To trouble you in your time of need
Lose your way
It's a pleasure when you're in my command"

I guess this is why I feel such affection for Neil finn Smiler
Just the vague beginning of an idea, maybe someone closer to Paul or this forum could work on...?

Do you think it would be an appropriate gesture to somehow print and bind these posts as a gift or tribute for Paul's daughters?

I know they are so young right now, the pain too unbearable and the loss too raw and recent, but I am thinking that in the years to come when Paul's 2 daughters are older they may like to know how much their dad meant to so many people around the world?

Maybe it would ease the pain a fraction, and maybe help them see their dad in a different light?

I may be way off track, but I will be brave enough to put the idea out there for your opinion.

What a terrible tradgedy. Paul Hester was a gift.
If anything can be learned from this is if anyone reading these messages is feeling desperate and that things are too much to cope with, PLEASE, PLEASE remember there are a whole lot of people out there who love you, admire you or would simply feel very sad if you were to leave us.
Condolences to every one affected by Paul's passing.

Be at peace Paul, you will live on forever in our hearts and ears.
For all those who may be interested.

Radio Triple M DJ Mick Molloy is having a tribute to Paul on his radio show 'Tough Love' tomorrow (Friday) at 12pm Australian Eastern Standard Time. His former side-kick Tony Martin will be joining him.

For those that don't know, Molloy and Martin used to have a top rating radio show on another station a few years ago, and Paul would join them regularly and when he did they would always talk and laugh about anything and everything (I remember transcribing one interview for the TITM list in 1997 and vaguely remember Paul saying something about Noel Crombie and manssieres - I must try and find that tape).

I assume that tomorrow's tribute will be a collection of all the interviews they had together over the years. I'm pretty sure you can listen to Triple M over the net - the address is

I've also heard that the wake at the Prince of Wales has been cancelled due to fears of overcrowding (just shows what an impression he has made over the years) - hopefully a service can be planned for his fans in the general public to pay their respects.
I just heard about this and I am still in a bit of shock here at work, with CH now playing in the background. It's changing the way I react to some of the lyrics, a natural reaction I guess. What a tragedy.

My heart goes out to Paul's young girls, so similar in age to my kids. I wish I could ease the grief they must feel. And to the Finns...the comments on the Albert Hall show were very moving. And to all of you fellow fans who realize the the world has lost a fine musician. I'm glad I've got a long walk home from work today....time to reflect. Thanks Half Full, I haven't been as far down the path as you, but I've been down it, and I appreciate your comments.

Now there's another 'hole in the river'. Good bye Paul.
Originally posted by Maximoo:
[qb] Just the vague beginning of an idea, maybe someone closer to Paul or this forum could work on...?

Do you think it would be an appropriate gesture to somehow print and bind these posts as a gift or tribute for Paul's daughters?

I know they are so young right now, the pain too unbearable and the loss too raw and recent, but I am thinking that in the years to come when Paul's 2 daughters are older they may like to know how much their dad meant to so many people around the world?

Maybe it would ease the pain a fraction, and maybe help them see their dad in a different light?

I may be way off track, but I will be brave enough to put the idea out there for your opinion.

xox [/qb]
Originally posted by Maximoo:

Do you think it would be an appropriate gesture to somehow print and bind these posts as a gift or tribute for Paul's daughters?

xox [/qb]
I love this idea, it would be a lasting memory of how many people his life has affected and the wonderful influence he had on us all. It would be a special reminder for his girls, at the right time.
Paul, you must know by now how much you were loved by so many. It's heartwarming to see how you've affected the lives of so many around the world. You talented, funny, lovely man. I hope you have now found peace. I'm sure you're looking down on us all, & I hope it makes your soul rejoice. Keep joking, keep laughing.. and keep happy. We love you Paul, and will miss you so much.

For anyone contemplating suicide in their darkest moments, remember that your life cannot stay in the dark hole forever. There's always a good moment around the next corner to hang out for.

Condolences to family, friends and fellow fans.

"I hope 'he' was, dreaming of glory.. Miles above, the mountains and plains.. Free at last....."

Hi Folks,

Miami checking in.

Devastated by the news, condolences to everyone who ever was touched by the man.

Now for my fault. I only wish I could have convinced my friends to like this band in America. Paul might not have got discouraged and left the band. Imagine putting ten years in with a band and not getting your deserved recognition. Crowded House STILL rocks my world and anyone else with half a brain for lyrical beauty and functional melodies. I have never known a band to make so many great songs that fell on such a lukewarm reception.

The band was to good for my country!

But over half voted for our President.

Perfect math!

I have known deep depression. The kind where your emotions hurt so bad, you curl into a ball and ache. This band helped me out of that I only wish I could have returned the favor.

Lovin this life,

Pete in Miami

P.S. Let the joy Paul showed us continue in our daily lives. Go make someone laugh, share that smile- this world is too sad without clowns.
I'm with Angela when I ask that I hope you all don't mind those of us who are posting many times on this thread.

To Maximoo: that had crossed my mind too, I was thinking also that I would like Neil, Nick, Tim, (maybe etc etc) to know what a beautiful outpouring of compassion and love for Paul there is here. I did think though that with Peter G. being aware of this thread, if he deemed it appropriate it might be something he may do in the future. Smiler

To annette p and half full and many others today, thank you for sharing your words of comfort and experiences.

To Diane in Manchester - yeah I have never been so aware of the drum tracks b4! My partner remembered trying to learn the drums and paying special attention to Paul "He had something special, he was good - unique. Yeah I always noticed the drumming on CH tracks, there was something about it,- one-of-a-kind." (Interesting that it took this tragic event for me to gain this insight into my partner, I thought wow I never knew that about you)

We had a long chat last night and I was saying do you remember that 'Hessie's Shed"? Do you remember that little, um,well, *shed* where he would interview people? Like, WTF was that about?lol And Paul was like 'we all need a shed I reckon". So happy in his little We laughed and laughed at the memory of him interviewing people in that shed.

I hope the ABC replay those eps. Lets all email them!!
Man, what a tragedy.
He must have felt mighty bad, as anyone does when they do what he did.
What a nice bunch of people on this forum I must say. Often people blame the person themselves for being whimps or for taking the easy way out or "how dare they do this to us". But here people are being understanding and empathetic, even to the point where other forum goers have discussed the stupid things that come out of the mouths of people who are asked to comment on a recent death... especially the comments of one woman in the press... and then forgave her as lots of people say stupid things when under pressure.
Anyway, enough patting on the back
For anyone to get to the stage where Paul got to they have to be feeling so bad inside.

I am glad that media attention since Paul's death has been placed on the psychological problems prevalent today, even if for only a few days. Psychological problems are viewed by most people as something that happens to someone else.. so thereby projecting their own insanity or depression onto someone else (that's if there is something inside them of that nature, which, by the stats there often is). So we end up with lots of people in denial about their problems on one side and and on the other those who either honestly recognise their problems, those who have passed the threshold of denial to the point where they've had no choice but to face up and those who are so obviously fkd up they know and everyone else knows so there's no use in denying it!
But most people in society (as seen or reflected through government policy) would rather sweep those sufferring under the carpet... with medication management... there's so much more to psychological therapy than the right combination of pills... though they can help...
Paul Hester was a hell of a musician, an inspiration to me and my mates...and I'll miss him.
Fucque this sucks.

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