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Like Scully (posting above) I saw CH at WOMAD in Chicago when they escaped from the rain (and the exile of the 2nd stage) and came into the main stage to finish out their set. That was definitely my magical moment (everyone's got one, eh?)

To Paul's family, to the Finn's, to everyone of the fans that are pouring out their hearts, my sincere condolences.

Kia Kaha.
I heard this horrible news on Easter Monday morning travelling back from Dunedin. We had the radio on in the background when and I just caught part of it and it shocked the hell out of me. When I finally got to listen to the six o clock news and they said it was suicide, I couldn't believe it. It just didn't seem real.

I've spent the past two days reading everyones posts and trying to think of the right thing to write. It hasn't sprung to mind yet.

I saw CH live twice (once with Paul in 94) but never got to meet Paulo. But I don't think I can remember ever reading or hearing a bad thing said about him by a fan. Aside from his unique and amazing drumming, his one of a kind on and off stage humour, he was just a throughly decent guy.

The world hasn't just lost a great musician, but a great human being.
I now listen to every song with a different feeling in my head...nothing will ever be the same again...the world has lost a brillaint man, a rare class. I cry for you and your closet family and friends.I selfishly cry for myself and how none of us will ever get to see you again so full of love and life. Thats how I will remember you Paul with happy memories and a well used drumstick from 10 years ago. You were adored by so many people and this world will not be the same without you in it. Your spirit will live travels Paulo
Hope you dont mind me joining you all...feel kinda guilty that this tragedy has brought me here for the first time, but I cant get Paul Hester's death off my mind since I heard the news on Sunday.

When I heard the first sketchy report on the radio I assumed he must have had a heart attack. Then as more information emerged that it was a suicide my first though was 'But he was always the funny one!"

Other thoughts flashed thru my mind of suicide being such a selfish and cowardly act. (Please read on.)

Like many of us here, I struggled to understand it - how could you leave your children? What about the poor person who has to find you? What about those who love you, you leave behind?

Then I read a post here about trying to find some good out of all this. Since reading Stuart Diver's autobiography a few years ago his philosphy for life, and surviving hard times has always stayed with me...

"For every negative, find an equal or greater positive."

What could possibly be a positive in this? I have found one for myself, and hopefully you may too, so that it does not seem such a tragic waste.

For me, it is beginning to gain a better understanding of depression, and suicide, and wanting to continue to educate myself and others more about the issue.

I simply could not comprehend, as a mother of 2 wee ones, how anyone could deliberately remove themself from their child's life? I figured it had to be something bigger than we know.

I came to understand that depression is a very sinister disease in the way it twists your mind into believing that it is OK, in fact that it is the best or only solution, to totally take yourself out.

A rational brain would never think that way! That is the scarey and dangerous side of a depressed mind, that it actually changes the way you think. It must be like a black oil seeping through your brain.

I see now that my old views on suicide were so naive and ignorant.

Sorry to ramble, but 2 more quick comments...

This morning my son's school had a Teddy Bears Picnic in Elsternwick park. There were about 80 kids running around and laughing amongst the trees. The contrast was extreme. It was a weird feeling.

One last thought, anyone remember an ABC program, Sat or Sun mornings about 20-30!(gosh, I am getting old) years ago, with Andrew Denton, I think it was called Beatbox? I remember the Crowdie boys presenting their favourite songs one morning and they were so funny it was hilarious.

Love their music.
Deep sympathy to those close to Paul.
A terrible loss.
It's really weird listening to the Paul Is Dead CD, staring at the cover and realising that the statement made by the title is no longer a cute little joke, but the truth. Still a kind of dark, sick joke, but horribly, the truth.

I watched the CH reunion on Hessie's Shed last night. I, like many had hoped one day it could be a full-blown 10 year anniversary reunion, with Mark and Tim.

That snare with the hat on it is a chilling image.
Farewell, Paul. I can only say that I'm so sorry you no longer had the strength to argue with your demons. You were a part of a band that got me through so many hard times (still do) and my heart breaks for you. I wonder are you somewhere now reading how many of us loved you and valued your contribution to our lives? We aren't just a sea of nameless faces, you were a part of something that made a difference to many people.
Be at peace. Frowner
Well I am back again tonight after a day of explaining why I was so down today. It's hard to explain to people why the death of someone in a band you loved should hit you so hard. But I'm sure all of you understand that.

Reading everyone's posts, esp annglennmovie, together_alone and annefrancis', has really been a moving experience and I would like to thank everyone for contributing and sharing their thoughts. It's so helpful to those like me who are trying to make some sense of Paul's death.

I listened to CH all day today and when "When You Come" came on for the first time I was in the subway and I just started crying at the end with Paul's brilliant playing. The same thing happened in my cab home listening to his amazingly moving work at the end of "Kare Kare." I wish he had known how deeply loved, talented, and appreciated he was, not only by his fans, but by his family and colleagues as well. I don't know if this would have helped but I can still wish it, can't I?

I have been reading all about last night's concert in London and heard it was simulcast on Channel 4 there. I am in the US and was wondering, does anyone know if it is available on a torrent or anything like that? Or if anyone has a copy and can send me one? It would mean so much to me if anyone could help me see this moving show. I only wish I could have been there myself.

I am off to buy the last concert on DVD. I know it will never be the reunion I hoped for but I've heard such wonderful things about it I must see it, especially now.

Here's to you Paulo. I hope you found the peace you so desperately sought.
This is my first time here, as it is with alot of people it seems.
Paul Hester, where could you possibly start.
He was a person who made alot of people laugh & cry. Crowded House were the first live band i ever saw at the Horden Pavillion in SYD way back when, and i was hooked ever since. As every one else the stereo has been playing the old familiar tunes, the tears come and go and life goes on.
Paul committed suicide on my daughters 12th birthday and she said last night that she will never forget him because her fav song "Dont Dream its Over" always gets played on her birthday, so she says she'll share something every year with him by herself.
These things are sent to test us and he'll be up there playing his heart out, naked more than likely.
But one thing stays in my mind that a friends mother whos son committed suicide 20 yrs ago said
"Suicide is a permanant solution to a temporary problem".
"Please let me stray far from familiar things"
I have been numb since I heard the news via email Monday morning local...sympathizing with the other US fans who have a hard time trying to explain what these guys and their music means to us. I finally found the words I was ready to share.

Thanks to all the postings of the Parting Glass...they are comforting. They also remind me about Finnegan's Wake. I think Paul might have liked the parody in that one.

First learned about Split Enz watching what was probably a tape of a farewell concert that was broadcast on the Showtime in ~'81. At 11 I was hooked. My Mom was working that night and I used to think my sister and I were so sneaky that we had tricked my Dad into letting us stay up late, listen to crazy music and jump all over the furniture in our living room. It only recently dawned on me that he was probably getting a terrific kick out of watching us having such a great time dancing ourselves into a frenzy over the Enz. I was overjoyed a few years later when I found Crowded House.

It doesn't matter how you lose someone you care about, it still hurts like hell. And then you forget they are gone and remember something you want to share...and they aren't there and you remember the void. Over time it becomes less raw and you can remember the good times without pain, and especially the funny times. A fortunate thing for his family is that they will have lots of fun to remember, and because of who he was they have a lot of it recorded so they don't have to worry about the memories fading.

My father's name was Paul too. I lost him to cancer almost 6 years still hurts. As I was getting ready to try to get some sleep I remembered that when my Dad died my cousin had remarked that Dad was the only one in the family who could have brought us all together like that, and I think the same applies here. Paul has brought us all together to remember the fun and talk about things that matter most and often go unsaid.

I am not sure who wrote this but here is the most pertinent part of a poem that helped me when I lost my Dad:

And if my parting has left a void, then fill it with REMEMBERED JOY
My life's been full, I've savored much: good times, good friends, a loved-one's touch.
Perhaps my time seemed all too brief--don't shorten yours with undue grief.
Be not burdened with tears of sorrow.
Enjoy the SUNSHINE of the 'morrow.

RIP Paul, I hope there is lots of sunshine where you are. Prayers to the family and friends as they are missing him.

I'm listening to "Don't dream it's over" as I type this, everytime i hear the opening riff, i get a cold shiver down my spine, now it means so much more now Paul is gone, still can't believe he did this Frowner

The Music Max Channel in OZ did a tribute to him by playing the last concert of crowded house, and most of the crowded house videos which was great.
RIP Paul Hester, at least he's in a better place, i suppose.
I think Maximoo, trying to find the positives is an important step. And one I can probably now take after so many tears.

For me, I have been humbled, comforted and honoured by the love and support all people here have shown for one another (lurkers included!). Most of us have never and will never meet in RL, or have even talked on line, ever. Yet we are supporting each other in our grief as if we are old friends. For me this will help maybe get me to some level of acceptance. (Whatever that means).

The spirit and compassion Paul's passing has evoked is certainly a wonderful, wonderful example of what we are capable of.
IMPORTANT INFO re: Prince of Wales tribute

For those of you who were interested in going on Wednesday night - I'm really sorry to pass on this email, which I received from Emily Ulman of the Prince Bandroom...

"An invitation only memorial wake is to be held in honour of Paul Hester at the Prince of Wales hotel in St Kilda on wednesday the 6th of April. The loving and emotional response to Paul's unfortunate death has been overwhelming. A public memorial event in support of a charity yet to be decided will be organised at a later date. The family request any tributes to Paul be in the form of donations to Mirabel Foundation, P.O. box 1320 St Kilda South, Victoria 3182.

Thanks and best regards,


[QUOTE]Originally posted by Crowdieman:
[QB] One lyric that is really tearing me at the moment is from the Finns song 'Won't give in'

'even if time is just a flicker of light
and we all have to die alone'

Just makes me think of how Paul was a so alone with no one beside him when he died in that park.

These lines are constantly running through my head too. I keep seeing him in my mind, walking through that's heartbreaking, so much pain and such loneliness...
i was introduced to crowded house by a girlfriend (Kirsten Orwick, if she reads this forum) who waxed poetic about going to the shows in southern california and meeting the band. i remember now her telling stories about how funny one of them was, and how much fun it was to talk to him while the rest of the group bantered in the background. it was mostly these stories that got me started listening to the group, but the music kept me.

in any event, i realize now that she had to be talking about paul. an example of one of the reasons why CH wasn't quite the same after he left. and why the earth spins a little slower now.

i've been searching for any comments from those who watched the channel 4 (television) broadcast of the royal albert hall concert, to see if it included the entire show. viewing that will probably be the closest to an epitaph that i'll be able to see.

till then, i thank you all for being a wonderful monument to his life's positive expression and a place of communal support.
I have loved Crowded House for a long time. The music, the people and the shows smoothed the way over a difficult period of my life, for which I'll always be grateful. I still listen often to the warmth of the music and the beautiful lyrics and it adds such quality to my existence.

I am so sorry about Paul. I am so sad that he could see no way to mend his own life in the same way that he did for me. What a loss...
I was so sorry to hear the news and so angry that the radio stations here aren't making more of it. I was introduced to Crowded House by my ex, a Kiwi, and I fell in love with the beauty and depth of their lyrics and the energy and musicality of their performances. I only got to see them live once but it is a concert I will always remember and yes, Paul was a character on stage.

I feel sad for the loss of a vibrant person, a great musician and the ever present hope that the band might come back together again one day. However sad I feel though, I know my ex will be feeling worse. Much worse.

Steve Jack, if you are out there, my thoughts are with you.
CH was part of my growing up, it's all tied to my personal memory of a driving holiday up the coast with some close mates during our coming-of-age years. And of the mischiefs we got up to in our juvenile exuberance.

In the following years, seeing more of Paul on telly I couldn't help thinking what a likeable guy he was. You know, the sort you'd love to have a beer with.

Like everyone else, I'm shocked and deeply saddened, as if it was personal friend. At the same time, I'm thankful to have had the stunningly beautiful youthful experience made all the more so by the music. Now that I'm older and overseas, it's the music that brings all the memories back.

Paul, thank you for the music, the laughs. You were a top bloke and it's a great loss. RIP.
Mates in Hester tribute
Nui Te Koha

A PUBLIC memorial is being planned for Paul Hester amid revelations he had an 18-month stockpile of songs stashed away.

Hester, 46, was working on new music until last Friday. A day later, the Crowded House and Split Enz drummer was found dead in a park near his Elwood home.
It emerged yesterday that apart from musical collaborations with Richard Pleasance and Penny Flanagan, Hester was working on solo material.

He recently wrote and recorded a batch of solo songs for the Split Enz and Crowded House fan club, Frenz.

But Peter Green, from singer Neil Finn's office, and a Hester confidant, confirmed the drummer had worked solidly for 18 months on new songs.

In that time, Hester also wrote and recorded tracks for, and with, his former girlfriend, Kiwi-born singer-songwriter Kashan.

Hester's recording room is called Sunny Studio.

"Paul had done a lot of recording with a lot of people," Mr Green said. "But there are a lot of Paul songs Paul had put down over the last 18 months."

However, it is unlikely the secret songs will see the light of day. Mr Green said Hester had no plans to release a solo album.

Hester always poked fun at his own songwriting efforts, although one of his tunes, Italian Plastic, made the Crowded House album, Woodface.

When he left Crowded House in 1994, Hester told the Herald Sun: "I'll be bulls----ing about doing a solo album for the next 10 years." Mr Green had no comment on his recordings with Kashan.

Hester, the father of two girls with photographer Mardi Sommerfeld, split amicably with Kashan in December. Family sources say the split did not cause Hester's dark spiral.

Hester's funeral, to be held on Saturday or Sunday, will be private.

His Crowded House mates Neil Finn and Nick Seymour are expected to fly into Melbourne from London at the weekend.

Finn, on a British tour with brother Tim, is likely to cancel dates in order to honour Hester.

"Neil and Nick will do everything in their power to get back here," Mr Green said. "This is incredibly personal for Neil."

Musicians Kevin Garant and John Clifforth are planning a memorial event at the Prince Of Wales Hotel, St Kilda, on April 6.

Dror Erez, of the Prince, said the event would be open to the public.

Garant and Clifforth are working on a concept that may include music performances and anecdotes about the fun-loving Hester.

Neil and Tim Finn opened their London dates yesterday with a stirring and emotional tribute. Dublin-based Seymour joined the Finns for emotional readings of Don't Dream It's Over, Fall At Your Feet, Four Seasons In One Day and Hester's Italian Plastic.

The encore included a tearful cover of Hunters and Collectors' Throw Your Arms Around Me and wrapped with Better Be Home Soon.
This is all just so sad.
To Pauls' family and loved ones: You are in my heart and my thoughts, as well as thousands of others' around the world.
As a long time fan of the Enz and CH, I was privelged to see the ENZO gigs of 10 or so years ago, plus be at the "Farewell to the World" gig almost 10 years ago. Like everyone else, I fervently hoped for a 10 year reunion, but sadly now any re-union will not be the same.
No disrespect intended, but I remeber where I was when I learnt of Michael Hutchences' passing, and I remember the affect it had on me. Paul's passing has hit me 10 fold.
Paul, I hope now you are free of your demons.
So incredibly sad for us all to lose Hessie. To fans of Crowdies, Enz and the Largest he seemed such a hilarious, vibrant, wonderful guy. I guess only those closest to him had any idea of the depth of his pain.
No-one is to blame here, it's just a terrible tragedy for someone to lose sight of any hope.
RIP Paul, your music and your humour are an amazing legacy.
Though I am far far away from the place where Crowded House emgerged, my first memory Crowded House was in 1991 when I first saw their video "Weather With You" and instantally I fell in love with the music and Paul's antics ... since then I have been fan of them following every album of their's though they never toured India.

When I heard the news my heart sank into my stomach ... it is hard to believe that Paul's gone leaving so many memories of his among his fans.

May your soul rest in peace & lots of courage to your 2 littly kids.

Krishna (India)
Paul was a very generous host when I met him in Melbourne in July 2003. He was doing me a favour by agreeing to be interviewed for a radio documentary about Split Enz, yet he insisted on picking me up at my hotel, shouted me a drink at one of his favourite cafes, and then drove me to his house where we talked for hours with a cosy fire crackling in the background, before he dropped me back at my hotel at the end of the day. All the time, Paul was upbeat about what he was doing now and all he had done before. He proudly showed me his amazing recording studio and gave me a CD of his still-unreleased solo material. And yes, it was titled "Hairy Nuts". I still remember the sketch ideas for the CD's cover, hanging on the studio wall Eeker Before I left, he posed for photos, standing next to his MTV moonman award. In his hat and glasses, Paul looked a little like Elton John, though I never said so.

Paul, thank you for a very entertaining afternoon. As my first interviewee for Enzology, you made everything so easy for me. We had intended to meet up again before I flew back to Auckland, but we didn't get time in the end. I've always wished we had.
I am just devastated. My heart goes out to his family My brother suffered depression, attempted suicide three times before drowning 12 months ago. We still don't know if it was suicide or just a tragic accident. I know what his family are going through and send my most sincere condolences. I have been a Split Enz and Crowded House fan since my early teens and just can't believe it. Rest in peace Paul.
I couldnt find my own words so I used some of ed vedders.....

"And where ever youve gone...
and where ever we might go...
It dont seem fair, you seemed to like it here...
Your light is reflected now...
reflected from afar....
We were but stones, your life made us stars!"

Dearest Paul, I hope the pain is gone and the lights are brighter where you are now.

Thoughts and kind feelings to Paul's family.
All wish anyone close or loving towards Paul Hester strength and sharing togetherness.

Just logged in to wish to say, that in my Oz time I think I saw Paul Hester play in Deckchairs Overboard. (Is that right ?) They were a fresh and great band. And I would like to thank Paul for his share in that. Specially thinking of Nick Seymour and the others around him in music, to be able to carry this big loss.

I've read Paul Hester in an interview, and he was so specifically mentioning life and losing it (after Cobain's passing away), that it is hard to understand that that happened to him now. I hope, that people who are going to hard, dark times, come through and find strength and joy in life and each other. Through these and other times.

I finally made myself sit down and listen to Crowded House. I put on my winamp Crowded House playlist and let it go was weird the songs it picked, Skin Feeling first up, How Will You Go live bringing me the closest to tears.

Then I watched the Dreaming DVD, and laughed my way through it. Paul's antics are so wonderfully amusing -- and it was good to think of him in the moments I so wish to remember him, instead of the one moment we all cannot forget.

I just wanted to post again to say, will really live on forever, that infectious grin shall bring us all through this. My heart goes out to you, and everyone who has posted's nice to know that we can all share our grief together.
I have been a Split Enz/Crowded House fan since I was 12, I am now 35. I have been flattened by the news of Paul's death. I met him many times and his personality did not change, he was always a happy go lucky guy. I convey my deepest sympathies to his family and friends. I especially would like to extend my condolences to his two daughters, who, to them he is not Paul Hester from Crowded House,he is only their Dad. Today I pulled out my Frenz Of the Enz badge and wore it as my tribute to the very lovable, very well loved man that was Paul Hester. RIP Paul.

Ghost Girl1469
Oh you know GhostGirl I have one of those badges and I shall search for it madly!

I was just watching some of the Farewell TTW concert and it occurred to me that I could pretend this never happened. I would (probably) not ever have met him and certainly would never have known him, even if this never happened. He will always be on my CD player or my telly, same as ever, and if I didn't know, well, I wouldn't know.

Trouble is, I do. And as a few have commented today it is not a nice place your head goes to when it tries to imagine that pain and loneliness.

Please forgive so many posts from a newbie, but it has helped me work through my grief and I hope perhaps helped others as their posts have helped me. I have been coming here to read whenever I feel in need of support. (I hope to wean eventually.)
Like so many of you out there, I never met the great man. Yet I too, wish I could have spoken to him in his last few days.
When my Mum first told me the awful news on Easter Sunday morning - she remembered that CH and the Enz were my 2 all-time fave bands - she told me that one of Tim's band mates from Enz days had died in Melbourne. Instinctivly, I knew it was Hester the Jester, and that it was suicide stemming from depression. My thoughts were "Please not Paul, he's my FAVOURITE!!! He's so sweet and funny!". But it's true and sadly, nothing's going to change it.
It's ironic, but I've been a bit of a lurker here, but never in my life have I posted a message in a chat room or anything of the ilk. But I just had to get on-line & share my overwhelming grief with the Frenz community.
If my words could reach Paul now, I'd say "Paul, please come home. We all love you."
Funny, but in all the tributes I've read here, I haven't seen any mention of "Locked Out". I always loved that song, and I'll always remember the immortal lines, which now have an added poignancy for me:
"I've been locked out
And I know it's true
But I can't begin to face up to the Truth"

Much love to all

LJP Frowner [/LIST]
I have already posted, but felt the need to do so again. The age old axiom "talking helps" is true here.

The papers have a lot of small articles about it. It's amazing how one man, in such a style of music that the younger generation wouldn't know much about, has influenced the young, and public feeling. I never knew he was admired that much. My younger brother has always stated "Mrs Paul Hairy Legs is my favourite Crowdie" was sobering. I was recently talking to a friend of mine in grade ten and she was close to tears.

There's been a lot of stuff about CH reforming, and I know that as a person who was a. out of the country and b. too young to attend the farewell tour, I woulda been to ANY CH related gig in a shot. Now, it can't happen, not without Hessie, Paulo, the crazy drummer dude. My favourite has always been Neil, but I am really amazed and surprised at how much Paul's death is affecting me. Don't get me wrong, I love Paul, who doesn't?'s like someone woke me up from a pleasant dream in which CH music was predominant into an icy cold hole in Antarctica.

Now, as I listen to my playlist on my computer, I realise just how much of it is the Crowdies, and just what a difference Paul made to the music. Some songs I have to's just too Paul for me.

I don't know if I can ever bear to sit and watch the DVD again-especially Something So Strong-that cartwheel! and Chocolate Cake-Mrs Paul Hairy Legs.
I guess I will watch it again, but not now. I can see Paul and I think, My God, he's dead.

Again, my heartfelt, most sincere condolences to all his friends, family, fans, and every bugger who didn't, will never, and cannot know about Paul-they cannot know what a great man they missed.

It never used to be that bad
But neither was it great
Somewhere in the middle than
Content and much too safe
Ooh tell me please
Why it takes so long
To realise when there�s something wrong

Love ya Paul.
Today I went out and bought 2 Ch cd's and a dvd.
I listened to "She goes on" for the first time from woodface.
I have no idea who neil wrote it for or whatever but it means a lot more to me now

pretty soon you'll be able to remember her
lying in the garden singing
right where she'll always be
the door is always open
this is the place that i loved her
And these are the firends she had
long may the mountain ring
to the sound of her laughter
and she goes on and on
In her soft wind i will whisper
in her warm sun i will glisten
till we see her once again
in a world without end
I sit here reading everyone's posts Paul has touched so many lifes. I can remember 1986 changing my life because of seeing Crowded House 15 or so times over that few years at The Venue Tropicana club Festival hall to name a few. I was 16 at the time I was always in "trouble" at home because I was out till 3 in the morning seeing them. I met some great friends with Avril Justin Ashley. (I am sure these friends are feeling the pain now we have unfortunately lost touch over time it was 17 years ago) What can you say about the man that gave you your first beer? (Paul) On Myer's roof top I remember giving Mardi photos.
I am deeply saddened by this words can not express how I feel.
Paul made all us friends feel special.
I feel for his girls and family.
What a terrible loss.
We were listening to the Finn Brothers proir to this happening my daughter said is that the Finn Brothers mum we were talking about when I used to go see them she wants to go too.

take care everyone and thank you for sharing!!

Today I read in the paper the Finn`s will probably cancel their shows in Holland. It would have been the first time I`d seen them live. It makes such an impact on all which is hard to believe. After reading all of the posts in this forum I have been searching the net on news of his death, and come to realize the importance of Crowded House and the contribution of Paul Hester. As I have written before I have lost a friend who was suffering from depressions before and went under the same circumstances. I am in a band myself and a commitment to a band goes a long way in personal relations as you spend a lot of time with each-other. Man, I can see what Neil, Nick and Tim might be experiencing let alone his family and close relatives. The world has just become another place. Let`s treasure his music and the funny moments he gave us. Life is not fair

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