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I've taken my time to write something here...but thats only because i havent known what to write. i was woken at 6 am by the sad news, one of my friends that knows me all too well broke the news, 3hours earlier when feeling a little down and not knowing why was listening to dont dream its i know why it is that i was feeling so down, Paul Hester and the music he's contributed to is indeed a part of me. The music has shaped me to what and who I am today. I'm glad i got to meet him and see how much of a genuine person he is. He will be missed. Condolences to all that feel the same as I do, friends, family, fans and fellow musicians.


just now i saw the words "Crowded House" in a news headline and immediately thought 'good video, vault release or something' and then read the absolutely shocking news.

terrible. god bless his daughters and family and peter and neil and nick and all who loved him. how devastating. period.

stunned here monday evening in the U.S. - been traveling and away from news until today.
I couldn't write yesterday when the news was still so raw, this seems surreal and I ache with grief, not just because Paul is gone but because of the knowledge that he must have been in such desperation and pain at that time.
We will not rememember you for this tragic end but rather for your wit, your music and your passion for living. Thankyou Paul, for all you meant to so many of us.
My condolences to all
The loss of Paul is indeed tragic. It is the saddest thing when someone feels the only, or best, solution is to take their own life. But so many of us know it is all too easy to end up in that place.

I think Hypnogun has hit on something really positive that could come from this loss - to make something beneficial rise from this tradegy. A great idea and one I hope that grows in remeberance to Paul.

Walk you path well, Paul. Find your own journey.
When I woke up this morning I was watching CNN. When I saw Paul's face fill the screen and heard the news of his death, I burst into tears. I have loved Crowded House since I was 14, when I bought the first album. They have been my all-time favorite band ever since. Their music made a huge impression on me, and is a part of the person I am today. I mourn for Paul and his family, as well as his "extended family", which as this forum shows, is huge and loving.
Dear dear Paul. Words can't express how I feel about this horrible horrible tragedy. I can't stop crying, I feel empty, I don't know how to deal with this. I feel so much for his two little girls, how awful for them. My thoughts and prayers are with them, his family, friends, the CH/Enz family. I hope that God helps his family and friends to get through this difficult time.

I heard the news on Monday morning. I was lying in bed with my husband, the TV was on, but i was still half asleep, not really listening. I heard someone say something about the Finn Brothers. I sat up in bed straightaway when I heard their name. That was all I heard, nothing else. They had finished talking about them. My husband laughed at me because my ears always prick up when i hear something about CH or anything related. Then about 5 minutes later the news was going across the bottom of the screen that Paul Hester had died. I bolted upright in bed and screamed, 'OH MY GOD' 'OH MY GOD'. That was all that was written on the screen. I ran to connect to the internet to find out what the heck was going on and came straight here.

I am absoulutely devestated by this, as I know that everyone else is too. I have been watching Music max for the past 2 days and think it is really nice they are doing such a great tribute for Paul. Even though it is starting to repeat, I feel so guilty if I don't keep watching. I feel if I stop watching that i am being disloyal.

Crowded House music has meant so much to me, got me through so many difficult times. Now when I listen I just cry. But I can't drag myself away from the TV.

I was saying to my husband last night that you know a band is truly great and special, if they can move millions of people with their music. How true this is. Crowded House have made their mark on so many people through their songs and lyrics. I can be quite certain that not a lot of bands have done that. Crowded House have meant so much to so many people for many different reasons. From what I can gather here from the messages, their music has got many people through a lot of things. Their music has always been my safe haven and cheered me up.

Paul I will miss you so much. I will always remember you for your smile, your wit and infectious personality. Listening to Crowded House music now is very sad. In time, I hope I can listen to it with happiness again.

I hope you are at peace now Paul, and I hope you look down on us and see how much you meant to the world.
My wife just told me that she heard Paul had passed on the radio this morning. I am so completely shocked and saddened that this great player with so much talent and spirit has taken his own life. I feel as bad as when the great Stuart Adamson of Big Country committed suicide in late 2001. Both of these men made music with my favorite bands and created art that has had a profound impact on my life. Paul�s untimely passing is therefore much more devastating to his family and to those who knew and loved him. He will be in my thoughts and prayers; and as a drummer and fan, I am grateful for the musical legacy he leaves behind. For those who were fortunate enough to see him live with Crowded House, it may bring a smile to your face to remember his tremendous sense of humor on was unforgettable.

Phillip E. Hardy
Hypnogun, I'm with you. I posted this info in another thread, but I think it's worth repeating. I've made a gift in memory of Paul to NARSAD, which funds a lot of depression research. You can donate here. Doing so--doing something--has made me feel a little better. I also lit a Yahrzeit candle last night. This is a small candle that burns for 24 hours and in Jewish tradition is burned on the anniversary of a death. Coming home today to find the candle still alight was a comfort.

As others have said, I'm very, very grateful to have all you guys out there who understand...

I don't think I can say what hasn't already been said. I was so shocked and saddened, like everyone else, to hear this news. Thoughts and prayers are with family and friends.

I am a relatively new fan and I so regret that I'll never get to see Paul, who was from all accounts vibrant and wonderful both on-stage and off.

Paul, you'll be sorely missed. Thanks for all the joy.
So many people here have touched on the reason I have to visit and post again today.I am grieving. Yet I feel almost guilty - who am I to be upset about this? Who am I to be completely gutted and constantly crying? For god's sake I didn't even know the man. But I am. I haven't cried like this since a member of my family died. I haven't felt like this. It is raw and real and bloody painful. The knot in my stomach has become an ache in my chest. I am crying again now.

I got teary as CH came on in my car this am, but then Italian Plastic started and I just lost it. Why do I feel this way? I went on a big walk around a beautiful lake, singing "When u wake up with me..." , to my daughter all the way. I have gone through waves of sadness then anger, like " no! I don't want him gone! " Then I thought that I needed to come back here - I think I need a wake you know? Where I can laugh and cry and share, without feeling like a weirdo because I have never even met this person.

And yes, I've had the stereo drowing out the neighbours too and in the car through town, and the 25th time I listened to Italian Plastic I could even sing it really loud, without my voice breaking! Sometimes I smile but that doesn't last, mostly I cry.

This really hurts. I'm so glad this forum is here.
My thoughts too Semi-Detatched...

I find Together Alone to be quite comforting at the moment...

Together alone
above and beneath
we were as close
as anyone can be
now you are gone
far away from me
as is once will always be
together alone

anei ra maua (here we are together)
e piri tahi nei (in a very close embrace)
e noha tahi nei (being together)
ko maua anake (just us alone)

kei runga a Rangi (Rangi the sky-father is above)
ko papa Kai raro (the earth mother is below)
e mau tonu nei (our love for one another)
kia mau tonu ra (is everlasting)

Together alone
shallow and deep
holding our breath
paying death no heed
I'm still your friend
when you are in need
as is once will always be
earth and sky
moon and sea
Like all those who�ve already posted I pass on my deepest sympathies to all those whose lives Paul touched.

As I was driving along on late Friday afternoon around the time Paul was last seen, I looked across Melbourne�s bay and saw the sun�s rays shine in all directions through the clouds. A friend once told me that she called these �Fingers of Love�, and on Friday they looked as spectacular as I have ever seen.

Tonight I�m lucky enough to be going to see an intimate gig with Mark Seymour and James Reyne � I imagine it will be a fairly sombre occasion given the association, especially with Mark.

I was fortunate enough to see Paul on stage twice � the first being at the Esplanade in St Kilda filming an episode of Hessie�s Shed in 1998, the second being when he jumped on stage with the Finn brother�s during their tour last year. Both times it struck me just how much he loved entertaining people and I feel grateful to have witnessed this first-hand.

RIP Paul � thanks for all memories and all the laughs.
Following on from the previous post take a read of this. I did know that Depression or mental illness is real but i had no idea it was THIS BAD in our society.

Below is an extract that i found on the Daily Telegraph's own website.

..."Statistics reveal 70 per cent of Australians who commit suicide are suffering from some form of depression. Between 1998 and 2002, more than 3800 people committed suicide in NSW � the main cause of death in the state, ahead of car accidents."

The full article can be found here

MORE suicides than car accidents .. and we know just how many car accidents there are each night, as god only knows that a night doesn't go by on the news when we don't hear of a fatal car accident. But hardly any news at all regarding deaths related to suicides. Suicide and its discussion is still treated as a taboo in this country & the walls need to be knocked down!!
a. when i was 14 years old i shaved my temples to imitate paul's receding hairline...i was told i looked like i'd just had a lobotomy.
b. i was fortunate enough to be at one of their first gig's in australia - at a new year's eve special taped for the abc's rock arena in the mid 80s. i was awestruck. i think his parents were there (or maybe they were nick's) and he gave me his autograph. i still have the tape and you can see me in the background.
c. i was also fortunate enough to see tarmac adam last year at the corner in melbourne. laurie zion was there. true to form, paul remarked that on the previous night he'd had roast duck for dinner, "a cup of tea...a quick wank and off to bed"...he was wearing a straw cowboy hat and thick black glasses.
d. i loved it at crowded house gigs when paul came to the front of stage - where he belonged - with his snare drum, a cymbal and brushes.
e. their concert at expo 88 in brisbane was washed out, so i came back the next day for the re-run.
f. he was my hero, and i'm beside myself with grief...
g. please please please, can somebody please organise a paul hester tribute night somewhere in melbourne this week.
My condolences to all, especially Mardi and the girls, his family, Tim, Neil, Nick and Peter.

I was introduced to Paul & CH through my sister when I was only quite young as she had been listening since their Enz days. They were truly magical!!! I used to crack up everytime I saw them perform as Paul usualy did something that was totaly from left field!!

I was lucky enough to be at Farewell to the World, and this is how I choose to remember Paul, the great Entertainer that he was. I choose to ignore all that is going through the media today in regards to his personal life, it is not relevant. He is no longer with us, they have reported that, I now hope they let him RIP and allow his friends, family, loved ones and fans mourn his passing.

May his memory live on through his daughters and in our hearts.

We'll miss you Hessie!!
Thankyou Brebbles for that beautiful image.

I feel very homesick for Melbourne. Yesterday was cold and as I looked at my sky so far away I was thinking Melbourne would be cold this morning, fog probably clearing to a crystal clear Autumn day where the sun is warm but the wind is chill. Off the Elwood foreshore the sea would be sparkling blue, or perhaps its one of those days where its still, more like a lake than an ocean, and the fog clings to the water shrouding the bay in a damp mist of grey. Then again, maybe its raining in Melbourne today...
It's strange to be crying over someone I never knew or was even in the same room as, but Hesto was such a likeable person. Not arrogant, yet so silly. It has got me thinking about some bigger things, and I wrote this on my blog this morning:

�It's all sweetness and lightness that you bring
and a room full of people fall to your infinite charm
but when darkness should quickly descend
you go quietly, my miserable friend
to the depths of despair you will crawl
black and white boy�

The drummer out of my favourite band, Crowded House has committed suicide. Hesto was a wacky performer. Full of camp energy and silly humour, he livened up the stage and was like everyone�s silly older brother. As someone who completely obsessed over his music for many years, I feel very sad that Hesto was so depressed that he decided to take this step. I never knew him, but I have a sense of loss.

Deborah Conway described him as �an acute observer of life�, and she suggested that this sometimes contributed to his depression. A lot of songwriters and musos suffer from depression. (Hesto�s bandmate, Neil Finn has bipolar, and I would always have expected that if anyone was going to top themselves, it would be him, not the ever-effervescent Hesto.). I think that in many cases it is for this same reason.

People who write songs have strong creative talents. Many of them are completely �loony�. What we call �insanity� is often a case of someone seeing the world in a different way to the way most people see it. This can go to extremes like schizophrenia, where perception of the world is completely out of synch with everyone else�s perception, and there is a whole continuum all the way back to a mundane view.

I think it would be hard to be creative if you weren�t a bit insane. To write something interesting, something that will make people listen to what you have to say, you need to have a distinctive take on life. Lyrics are often simply observations of life. We all observe life, but most of us don�t have observations that are particularly different from anyone else�s. A songwriter is someone who watches for the nuances of life. S/he is someone who notices little things that other people don�t. They stop to think about why someone does something. They contemplate people�s motivations. They ponder deeply how people think and operate. And because of this, they are able to comment on things that the rest of us take for granted.

This acute observation of life can manifest through songwriting, through philosophy, through blogging, through poetry, through art etc. But this acute observation of life often leads �depressive� people to think deeply about the darker side of life. On the one hand, they might deeply value the kind motivations behind a good deed. On the other hand, they can get really stuck on the horrific-ness of the world.

If you�ve never been through true depression, there�s absolutely no way you can understand it. It�s a whole other headspace, where everyday logic and reason have no place. A new logic consumes the person and takes on an air of complete normality to the depressive. If you�ve ever been completely drunk, and lost complete control, that goes a little tiny way to explaining how consuming this new set of rationality is. But you�re still not even close.

To someone who�s never been through depression, Hester�s suicide might seem selfish. He leaves behind two young children who will now have to go through the most horrible ordeal of growing up without a truly great father. How could he do that? When you get to this sort of low ebb, it seems that you are actually doing your family a favour. You go through a thinking process where it becomes completely clear that you are a negative force on the world. Any good deed you�ve ever done seems like a fleeting, unimportant event, something that cannot outweigh the enormity of all the bad influences you have on the world.

Everyone has people in their lives who have had to make the occasional sacrifice for their sake, and when you�re depressed, suddenly this consumes your thoughts. You start to think �how can I be worth that sacrifice? I am not as important as that person. They deserve better. If I were dead, they wouldn�t have to make any more sacrifices for me. They would be sad for a bit, but in the long run, they will be happier if I am not placing such a burden on them�. And this is how it is possible for a depressive to reason that they should commit suicide for everyone else�s sake. It is often the opposite of selfishness that compels a person to suicide.

Of course, they are wrong. We all have people who make sacrifices for us, and that�s what life is about. We all need other people and we even all need to make sacrifices for others, because doing something for someone else, particularly someone we care for, is something that makes our life fulfilled. My mother takes great pride in doing things for me and she would give her life to save mine, I know. Equally, I get great enjoyment of doing things for her and I would risk life and limb to defend her too. We all need each other. When you�re depressed though, that is usually something you can�t see.

So if there is any purpose to such a tragedy, perhaps it will be that the taboos of depression and suicide will be lifted a little in our country. It is a major problem and we need to address it. Yesterday, Hesto�s family and friends suddenly found it was someone close to them who became the guy who died this way. Tomorrow will it be yours?

You�d be amazed how much it can help a depressive person just to know that others care for them and are happier with them around. So talk to your friends and family and let them know what they mean to you. Because tomorrow, they might go walking their dogs and never come back�..

�In his soft wind, I will whisper,
In his warm sun, I will glisten
Til we see him once again,
In a world without end�
Like everyone I was so devestated to hear the terrible news about Paul. I still can't believe it and my heartfelt thoughts go out to Paul's family and friends at this very sad time. I've been a fan of Split Enz and Crowded House for many years and when I was a member of the Crowded House Fan Club back in the 80's they sent me an autographed picture of Neil, Nick and Paul. I will treasure it always.
I heard the sad news on the untimlely tradegy on the news this morning. Paul was such a gifted and fantastic musician, a funny guy a family man and seemed to me such a great man to be around. Like most of us here I am shocked and sadnned by his passing.My sincerest condolences to is family band members and closest friends. RIP paul
Hi all, i am deeply saddened by the news that Paul has gone. As a long time fan of crowded house and split enz it tears at the heart when one of your much loved band members dies.

My thoughts and prayers are with the family, friends and loved ones through this difficult time

God bless

Philip Broadfoot (age:34 from Auckland, New Zealand)
Originally posted by Loosetongueinthemail:
[qb] I got the news on the radio this morning. They solemnly announced it and then played "Don't Dream It's Over."

Now I'm walking again
To the beat of a drum
And I'm counting the steps to the door of your heart
Only shadows ahead
Barely clearing the roof
Get to know the feeling of liberation and release[/qb]'s weird...I have moments where I wonder if I might be moving on to the acceptance stage of all this, but reading stuff along these lines proves that's not so.

I feel bad for those of you who have to explain this to your children...I can't imagine what that's gotta be like.

Dear Paul,

No one can really know the dark place you went to before you decided to leave us...the only thing we know is that we all love you.

I was 16 when I first saw you on stage in Adelaide during the first Crowded Houe concert tour back in the late eighties. I remember you head butting the microphone by mistake while playing the snare drum...then head butting it again on purpose...then head butting it became the bad joke of the bad infact that it still makes me laugh today...

All I remember thinking at the time when you were head butting was, "Gee, I hope that when I finish school, I can find a job that I love doing and get paid for it!" And so I have...I am a photographer now & loving it.

If only you knew the impact you had on me.


Until we meet again in the next life...may your soul rest in peace.

Love Nicki.
I have two funny Paul stories that happened recently. One was the other week he was walking past and he stopped for a chat- a friend who was sitting with me looked up and with a quizzical look said, "Hey I know, you're famous aren't you?!" Paul smiled and raised an eyebrow and said, "Well the fact that you had to ask answers that question." Then she figured out who he was and launched into a series of questions about CH song lyrics. Paul couldn't really shed much light on the song lyrics but with a cheeky grin he said, "I'll tell you one thing though- neither of them (the finns) were any good in the kitchen." With that he smiled and waved and was on his way.
The other recent memory was a series of conversations that we had about his purple suede shoes which he found again and was wearing. Something so simple- such little conversations- and- well it was always a pleasure to talk to him- that was the thing- he would always stop and say hello. Everyone in StKilda who knew Paul will miss him so much. We all felt so special knowing him- even if it was just for these little chats- I hope those who loved him are finding strength in eachother.
The outpouring of sadness and love is a testiment to the man, both as a musician and as a person. That he was loved by so many, shows us how much we can be touched by his talent and humor.

The death of Paul Hester is truly a tragedy, both on a personal level and for the world of music.

I have never felt so sad to hear the news of someone passing who has not been in my immediate family.

I have been watching the music channel Max as much as I can today, singing along but crying as well. From the freshfaced boy in the barn doing cartwheels to the jokester hamming it up with the Finn brothers at the session at the Arts Centre last year. We have lost a true treasure.

On a personal note, although I did not know him well, his children and mine go to the same school and kindergarten, so I used to see him regularly in the playground and at kinder when our kids were playing together. He was always really friendly and down to earth, never behaving like the cool dude the way some muso's can. I once commented that his felt hat reminded me of my grandfathers and we struck up a conversation about oldtimers and the old Aussie bushman and how they have all but disappeared, he explained how his Dad was a bushie and so was my Pop and we had a laugh about the funny things they used to do.

I also joked that he had been to my place but he didn't realise it. He looked at me funny and I explained that I lived in the house that Nick Seymour once had and he straight away started telling some great old yarns about the parties that had gone on in the house and how the 82 year old neighbour used to be invited in and she had a ball. At one stage Neil Finn, Eddie Rayner and Mark Seymour all lived in our street. Boy I wish I had lived here then.

Paul Hester was a true showman and a bloody nice bloke as well. He didn't have to talk to me and tell me those stories but he did and it is a great memory I have.

My heart goes out to his family, close friends and his little girls. I feel devistated and I was barely touched by his warmth. I cannot imagine how those close to him must be feeling.

I only hope some good will come out of this tragic event.

Well there is my first post and definitely not my last. I have been lurking here for a few days, not sure of whether I should say something or not. But as this forum seems to be so supportive I thought I would add my bit.
I will quietly mourn someone I never knew but for his infectious sense of fun and musical talent in a band I hold central to my life and love of music. I am very sad this is how it ends for you Paul but I will always remember you with much love.

To Paul's family and close friends I wish you strength in these sad hours.

Love Raelene xx
It is tragic that Paul Hester is no longer with us, as many others have said, he was a remarkable artist who gave us all great pleasure.

One memory I'd like to share is from 1994/5 when Crowded House played an afternoon gig in Palmerston North, NZ. The weather was fantastic and it was very much like a camp atmosphere. I'm not sure if it was Paul, Nick or Neil who suddenly decided to have members of the audience run a race (boys and girls, then men and women) around the outside of the Palmerston North showgrounds but Paul loved the idea and totally energised the audience with his unreal race commentary. The lucky winner of this race was welcomed on stage and gifted, amongst other things, Paul's drum sticks. Only Crowded House could do this, only Paul could make us all want to be outrageously silly, it was magic.

People like Paul are so important to us because they are so giving and honest and spontaneous and genuine - my impression of Paul, and I never met him, was that he was always in the moment, always committed to what was going on around him, always trying to create and not consume energy.

He was a vital part of a fantastic band, a much loved partner and father, son and brother. My thoughts and aroha go out to his family.
Found out about this yesterday morning when my Mum told me. I nearly thought it was somekind of strange nightmare and jumped on the net and checked google only to find it was horrifyingly real. Then I thought to come here. And since then I've wanted to post, but really haven't known what to say. It still feels like a nightmare that someone as seemingly warm and talented could just leave the world in such a sad manner.
Not to be rude but I couldnt' believe the sheer dumbness of the remarks of some of the more obvious people in the media, like Molly Meldrum for example. Surely he's seen enough of the world and people to know that many talented artists and entertainers often have to deal with mental illness and depression of one form or another.
Being the "funny guy" often masks deeper feelings of emptiness, loneliness, or other negative emotions. Spike Milligan was another good example, as is Billy Connoly to some extent, who if you look a lot closer is a very serious and still quite troubled man.
My family has been touched by depression and mental illness profoundly for some time so I understand something of it, but like everyone here am very sad that someone so talented and clever (depression often comes with a quick and intelligent mind, which Paul clearly had) felt he had no option but to do what he did.
Paul Hester was one of the coolest, quick witted, intelligent, open minded, human beings in the world. I loved seeing him in Crowded House, but I particularly loved Hessie's Shed, where we could see more of not just his clever humour, but of his own often moody music and appreciation for other artists and entertainers. He introduced me to the Top Twins, got Reg and Pete and Noel Crombie to have a paint off, let loose the insane Raymond J back on TV again, and would talk with and listen to people often getting to slightly more serious things though his casual, approach.

Paul Hester was just plain cool.
We shall all miss him.
You know, I don't think I'll ever really reconcile with the fact that he's gone. He was so real...he was the one in the band that brought everything back down to earth. Like, yes, their songs were beautiful and introspective and deep...and then you had Paul up the back, making faces and being hilarious, bringing the songs back down to earth. He was so much a part of the personality of the band. I still can't believe it. Peace and love to Paul and his family.
I just wanted to pass along this touching tribute from the Ron Sexsmith mailing list:

Paul Hester was part of the one of the truly gifted musical ensembles of the
80s and 90s.

Ever the clown, he was the heart and cheery smile of Crowded House. Forever playing pranks on his fellow musicians both on and off stage, supporting Melbourne's music scene, talking to any and all who approached him on the street.

Often, a smile masks unimaginable pain and so it was with Paul.

He hanged himself in Elsternwick Park on the weekend, lat 46, leaving behind 2 young daughters. I know that park and it will forever stand as a memorial to his gift of bringing so much happiness to so many.

He gave so much happiness it would seem, he saved nothing for himself.

I'll miss you Paul. Thank you for everything.


That second-to-last line really has resonance. A sad truth that just cuts to the quick.

BTW, for those of you looking for comfort in music, you could do far worse than listening to Sexsmith's In a Flash, a rather poignant song that he wrote after he heard about Jeff Buckley's tragic death.

In a Flash

The end must come for some good reason
I've heard it said before
To everything a time and season
What was this season for?

In a flash, in a flash
There one moment and gone in a flash

Think of all the strangers you've encountered
In cafes or subway trains
Or lined up at this water fountain
One drink and on your way

In a flash, in a flash
There one moment and gone in a flash

When hopes are rising like a rocket
When cups are overflowing
When hearts were filled like children's pockets
It's then I'll hear your song

In a flash, in a flash
There one moment and gone in a flash

Our eyes can't help but disbelieve this
Bad news and even though
The end must come for some good reason
Right now I just don't know

In a flash, in a flash
There one moment and gone in a flash

There one moment...

Gone in a flash
I was shocked when I saw the news on tv text last night before going to bed. I rushed to, but the before I could post something the server became too busy.

I read a lot of discussions and news articles and it is really amazing how concerned every one is. It was good to see how many people were online in the community. Maybe the thought of hundreds (or thousands) of people around the world sharing their thoughts and emotions about Paul will be of some consolation to the friends and family.

Requiescat In Pace Paul.
Someone has suggested to me that Neil does not have bipolar as I had always been led to believe. Whether it's true or not, Neil has had problems with depressive thoughts and I apologise if I got that fact wrong, but all I can say I was misinformed. Anyway sorry, I don't want to get sidetracked from talking about Paul.
And we may never meet again�.� (Throw your arms around me- Hunters and Collectors).
When i was working at Moores in Balaclava (St Kilda), there used to be this funny bloke with a permanent dumb struck smirk on his face. He would wander up and down Carlisle street making conversation with the odd person at the coffee house beside the train station.
It�s not this guy who i miss. Its the guy with the feverish smile staring out of the Woodface Cd insert, the snare in the background of �Whispers and Moans� that used to herald through the rooftops of each of my bedrooms from the time i was 13, it�s the clown mucking around with his brushes during �Sister Madly� at the Farewell to the World concert i had taped in 1996 and filed awayfor repetetive watchinguntil the tape wore thin and eventually gave up the ghost.
What is it about our favourite bands that when a member dies, we feel the loss too? i think by and large that so much of the lyrics, tones and rhythms resound and echo out of our teenage years/young adulthood that they almost form part of our innermost chore. We resound with the lyrics, the driving guitar shouting out the joy, anger, silliness, and love we feel inside. They are our voice, the ones we fall asleep too.
So for the final time ever.. goodnight Paul Hester- rest in peace.
This is so sad. I dont think any of us can quite believe it.
I was just flicking around the channels on pay-tv this morning when I came across a Crowded House video on the Max channel.Brilliant I thought, then i noticed a logo at the top of the screen that said "In loving memory of Paul".
My heart just sank to my feet.

We love you Paul

Love can make you weep
Can make you run for cover
Roots that spread so deep
Bring life to frozen ground

Something so strong
Could carry us away
Something so strong
Could carry us today
What a devastating shock. My initial disbelief is slowly giving way to reluctant acceptance. I will never forget EXACTLY where I was when I heard the news of Paul's untimely death. It was one of those defining moments.

Unfortunately I never got the chance to meet him but what great memories I will treasure forever....those crazy on-stage antics and that cheeky wit which made me love him so much. I will treasure my signed cards and pictures from the Crowded House fan club all those years ago along with memories of him driving around Melbourne in that pale blue old car. Not to mention a little Melbourne Uni gig many years ago, where thankfully, I took heaps of photos.

He was and always will be my favourite. He may be gone but he will NEVER be forgotten....thank you for being YOU Paul! The world is a lesser place without your laughter, mayhem and beautiful music. Crowded House songs will never sound the same again...(it's the harmonies getting to me at the moment)... Frowner Perhaps one day that will pass, I hope so. Rest in peace my favourite are irreplacable...may you have found the peace you were silently looking for.

Sincere thoughts go out to family members, Neil, Tim, Nick, Peter and the many other friends in his life. What an enormous loss.

Love Natalie xxxxxxxxxx(long-time Paul devottee!)
My daughter and myself went to the Royal Albert hall last night to see the Finn Brothers we thought the concert may have been cancelled.. what can I say it was a very poinant, we were all there as Neil Finn said feeling the same way shocked and very sad from the news of Paul Hester.. When they started they had 3 microphones and a little snare drum set up on the stage and Neil and Tim came on then Nick appeard to and played some of the greatest of all there records as Crowded House ...It was a wonderful feeling of family and togetherness god bless you Paul and your family and thank you for the music.
Originally posted by ash1296:
[qb]Crowded House songs will never sound the same again...(it's the harmonies getting to me at the moment)... Frowner [/qb]
I'm just finding it odd that the song that I'd loved throughout my whole life, the song they're best known for here in the U.S., is now the song that's making me cry every time I hear it. I don't like that, as it was just a few weeks ago in particular that that song was really connecting with me on a happy level (seriously, I find it very bizarre that a lot of us have been stating how we've just been watching things with this band or listening to some of their songs or whatever within the last few weeks-that's a bit spooky). And now...

You say the harmonies are what's affecting you right now-it's been the lyrics that are getting at me in particular. Even if the song I'm listening to doesn't deal with the subject of death, there's still one line that can just get to me...

Originally posted by ash1296:
[qb]Perhaps one day that will pass, I hope so. [/qb]
I hope so, too.

How desperately sad and lonely he must have been. I know from experience that if you are in that kind of state you can't reach out to anyone anymore, so, no, we couldn't have done anything more for him. We all have to accept that sometimes you just can't help people, much as you love them. No one is to blame, and least of all Paul.
It's so very, very sad and it's all I have been thinking about all night. I hope the concerts will go on next week and that somehow we can turn it into a tribute to Paul. It hardly needs saying, but Neil (and Tim), if you are going to postpone the concerts you have our full blessing!
My condolences to his family and I wish everyone involved a lot of strength and wisdom.
To Pauls Family, The Finns and his closest friends, My family offers their condolences.
May I say thanks for his contribution to the enrichment of our lives through the music he shared. I am truly, deeply saddened by the loss.

We have all been so lucky to have known his music and public persona, how lucky are those who have shared his life?

Ian Watson and Family
Hi Guys

A few thopughts from a Pommie Fan in London.

This is my first and probably my last post on here, but I could not let the tragic events of the last few days go past without saying something.

I've seen CH many times and they have come to mean something huge in my life. Whenever I was down, depressed in love whatever Neil's words had a knack of touching my inner soul and giving me a little strength, comfort, whatever.

Paul's stage performances were awesome and belied a massive depressive problem that I think we all knew he suffered from. It's amazing that some oif the great creatives often suffered from something similar. However, for me his antics and banter were the focal point of a CH show and he and Neil had me in stiches many times.

We often forget he was also a great technical drummer, with a lovely 'tom-tom' based sound all of his own.

I often hoped I'd see a Crowdies re-union, but alas that's not ever gonna happen right now.

For me, my lasting memory of Hessie will be the moment in the Sydney vid when he wipes away a tear and after DD when he and Neil hug.

A great man that will be sadly missed.

Incidentaly, to give you all some comfort, Rugby is my main passion and I post a lot of a rugby bored and, as a lot of Aussies and Kiwis also post on it, there's been a lot of sadness expressed there too.

Here's a link and I wish you all the best.

I'm off the the show tonight and I hoipe they give the bugger a good sending off.


Planet Rugby
I'm friends with one of the engineers who worked with crowded house. He had this to say about paul's death.

" I'm shattered myself. I did monitors for Crowded Houses first tour, and even made it into a video clip or two.
Those who climb to the highest places have the furthest to fall they say. And that certainly seems to be the case with Paul. I don't think I have met anyone who was quite like Paul, amazing musician, and complete nut case. The greatest bunch of people to work with etc., etc., etc.
Some have said that he hasn't been happy for quite awhile, marriage break up etc. and that he was very depressed lately. He made many attempts to get other bands and projects happening, but after "mega" success, how do you rate anything else, not easily I would imagine.
He will be sadly missed, but he will be with folks that will love him now.
Hope your well mate, life goes on you know. God I sound like the old hippie sage don't I? "
I hope you don't mind me joining your forum, I found the link in the Magne F forum and I just wanted to say how shocked and saddened I was to hear of the death of Paul Hester. I was always a big fan of Crowded House and my biggest regret is never getting to see them live. I am currently in 'recovery' from clinical depression, and events like this hit home hard - I'm sorry he didn't make it through as I have. Kindest regards, nicola, uk
When I heard the news, I sucked in my breath and time stood still. It has been like losing a close and trusted friend, and even now, I have to shake my head back to reality as it is so so difficult to believe and comprehend.

I have been reading the messages since I heard early Monday morning, but I could not find the words. Even now, I just cannot express the devastation I feel for him, for his family, for those who knew him, for all of us who have had him in our hearts for so long.

He has to know just how much he is loved
I've been away for work for months now and even though I have felt homesickness from time to time it hasn't hit me this hard since the news of the weekend.

It's just so strange - the music he made, especially with Spilt Enz and Crowded House has become part of the soundtrack of my youth and it feels like now some of that is gone forever. And to not be in my own hometown (Melb) to mourn the loss makes me just so sad. Thank godness for this forum to enable everyone far and wide to come together and reach out.

I'm trying to hold back the tears for I know if I start I don't know if I can stop. Please look out for one another, hug your loved ones and talk to each other.

Again - we will miss you Paul and my thoughts are with the family and Tim, Neil, Mark, Nick, Peter (take care of yourself) and the extended FRENZ family.
Frowner I'm so very sad to hear this news. I was a mad teenage Split Enz fan in the 1980's and later of Crowded House. I feel that a wonderful piece of my youth has disappeared with Paul's passing.

Grief is such an intense emotion and I have found everyone's messages to be a source of comfort and support.

I also suffer from Depression and Paul's death has made me realise how important it is to take this condition seriously and to seek help when I need it.

My condolences to Paul's family and friends.
Saw the news on the website yesterday and registered with the site because I felt i just had to say something. I never saw Paul in concert, unfortunately, as he left the band just before they came to Britain for their Together Alone Tour but always felt a great affection for him through the music and what information I got through video footage and interviews etc. It is a great legacy for him that someone I never met can make me and so many other people feel such loss at this tragic end to a life. My heart goes out to his family and all those who loved him, there were many.

"I don't pretend to know what you want, but I offer love"
You never know what you've got 'till it's gone.

I don't need any introduction - I'm just like everyone else on this board: a fan, shocked beyond belief - at the personal impact of a musician most of us never met, but now know what his mammoth talent and light-hearted antics meant to us.

It didn't hit me until this afternoon - while watching musicmax's seemingly endless vault of concerts and videos. Songs that we all know by heart are now heart-breaking. Lyrics that we can recount without effort are so totally poignant.

The soundtrack of my generation is now too painful to hear.

Someone earlier drew the analogy to the impact of the death of John Lennon. How apt - both taken from us too suddenly, too young and too universally adored.

Hessie, you were one of a kind. Gonna miss you.

I opened my email this morning to find a friend sent me a link about Crowded House. As soon as I saw it, with the last words in the link saying Hester%suicide, I burst into tears and have been crying on and off all day. It hit me like a punch in the stomach. I have been to this site before but never registered until today because I just had to be a part of this wonderful community with all its kind words about Paul and his work.

Crowded House has always been my favorite band since I first heard them in 1987 (which of course got me into the Enz too!). I loved the gorgeous music and wistful lyrics and saw the band many many times in concert. CH always was so great in taking requests by paper airplane and having fun and being loose and so many other things that made them stand apart and above so many others' live shows. But for me my greatest pleasure was watching the pure joy and fun radiating from Paul and his drumming. I often saw him switch with Neil to sing and play guitar and he just lit up the stage.

The best example of Paul and his sincerity towards the fans I saw was during a WOMAD festival outside Chicago. At this festival, it was pouring rain and all the acts from both stages had to come together on one stage. The audience and bands really came together. CH played all their weather songs and were wonderful. When an overzealous fan with a big sign ran up front to the stage, security ran to remove him. The band stopped and Paul ran from behind the drum riser to yell at security to let the man go, with Tim, Neil and Nick right behind him. This was one of the coolest things I ever saw a band do. That just shows me what a kind man Paul was. The entire show, followed by Peter Gabriel with Sinead O'Connor, was one of the highlights of my life.

The last show I saw of CH was in Chicago on the Together Alone tour when Sheryl Crow opened for them. It was amazing and went on and on with requests and encores. I was lucky enough to get into a meet and greet party after the show where I met Neil, Nick and Mark. But I will remember meeting Paul the most. He was so gracious, and looked at me with that killer smile, and just slayed me. I have never forgotten that night and now I never will.

In the words of a fellow poster, I feel just gutted today. I know I am just a fan, but after following Paul for so many years I feel connected and I am so glad to see that so many others feel the same way as I do. This is a devastating loss for Paul's family and the music community alike. Paul was an amazing gift to my life and to so many others as well. I wish he had known what joy he brought to our lives while he was still alive. I don't know how I will ever listen to CH again without tearing up a bit. I have never gotten this upset about a celebrity dying before but it's a testament to the man that he has evoked such strong outpouring of emotions around the world.

I know I have echoed much of what's already been said here but I felt compelled to share my thoughts. There are so many lyrics to quote, and they are all above. I'll just say farewell to Paul and thank you for changing my life.
If only he knew how much we loved him, how special he was. He was a fantastic musician, a great entertainer, but above all a wonderful human being. He will always be remembered for his humour, his smile and that brilliant wit.
Thank you for giving us your gift, you have touched the lives of so many people. You will live on in our hearts. Our thoughts and prayers to his children.
Love you Paul
from Dammitjanet, Kaitlyn and Megan
Today I realised that one of my dreams disappeared.

Watching Neil and Tim Finn with Nick Seymour at the Royal Albert Hall
made me realise about 5 songs into the main Finn Bros set that I would
never see the full line up of Crowded House. I always remember what
Paul Hester said at the last Crowded House concerts press conference.

Its not word for word but it went something along the line of "we'll
be bull****ting about getting together for the next 10 years"

I hung on to that comment until tonight. Realising that the hat on top
of the solitary drum kit as the other three sang "Don't dream its over"
meant exactly that.

For the first time ever I was at a gig where words failed me. And for
most of that 5th song the music just washed past me. And my dream of
seeing them as Crowded House again washed away with it.

I hope he's in a happy place and my thoughts are with his family.
I found in the words of someone posting to The Age, perhaps an answer of sorts to my question of why I feel this pain so acutely.

"I cried not for my loss, which would be selfish, but for Paul whose pain must have been unbearable."

That's it exactly. Our hearts are aching for you, and I cant even imagine what it's like for those you left behind.

Oh Paul. What a dark place you must have been in. *hugs*(wherever you are)
as a survivor of suicide ( my husband took his own life 3 years ago at the age of 32 ) i wish to relay my condolences to paul's children & family, there well be a lot of why's what ifs & if onlys that will be asked none of which can be answered.
ive read newspaper reports that say he wasnt depressed, these victims of suicide hide it well & when you are so full of anger , sorrow hurt etc & you are thinking of things that happened before the suicide to try to come up with a reason for it you sit there & think how much there were signs of it happeneing but you just dont realise until it is to late.
everytime i hear about a suicide i get shivers down my spine thinking about the people left behind , having to tell the children etc what happened I had to explain it to 5 & it wasnt easy .
My significant other woke me to tell me the news that Paul Hester had died. The only other time he has done this was to tell me that a plane had crashed into the World Trade Center (9/11).
While I cried, I remember thinking "Please God, let him have died from a heart attack." When it became apparent that Paul had taken his own life, I cried again because I can't even begin to imagine how much pain this beautiful soul must have been in.
I'm a paramedic, and every time I attend a suicide a small piece of me dies. My job is to help people who are in pain, and there is stuff all I can do about people like Paul whose pain is so intense that it seeps into every aspect of their lives until they know nothing but hurt and suffering.
I hope that Paul has found the peace he so richly deserved, and that he so desperately sought.
RIP Paul Hester, one of the worlds truly beautiful souls.
i don't know if i want to say how cool paul was, not after this. i am so bloody sad, amazed and shocked!, and most of all, so bloody angry, what??? paul hester dead. the words are so foreign to me, it can't be true. i am sitting here, getting myself quietly pissed listening to the Largest Living Things, over and over, thinking, maybe i can wake up tomorrow and paul wont have done something stupid, wont have totally ripped us all apart.

we live for the day, we throw caution to the wind, paul i hope you find contentment where ever may it come. you will be sorely missed. already!
What the greatest display of god damned raw talent this country (and a lot of others) has ever seen.

How lucky we were to have him for as long as we did. Little consolation to those close to him now I know.

The way out was tragic, but his girls should know just how many people loved their Dad. There is no more powerful genius than that you can create with music. The Finn's carry this on as we speak - wish you guys all the strength you can muster at this time.

For lack of better words.."All you need is love". Life is too short - make it all count.
It is a lost to the world that one of the greatest drummers has died. He will be missed by all.
Last night i was at the Finn Brothers concert in the UK and they started off with some moving crowded house songs. Tim, Neil, Nick, and a drum standing alone and light up, were up on stage together again setting everyone in Royal Albert Hall emotions alight. It was a great tribute to Paul.
He will live on in our hearts and minds forever.
We will miss you Paul Frowner
I am a new member to this forum so I feel a bit guilty that it had to take such a reason to become a part of all of this - anyway I just felt a need to express my deep sadness at the news of Paul's death. I was a devoted CH fan thruout some of the more difficult years of my life where I suffered from depression and an eating disorder. CH were such a relief for me and I especially used to enjoy the banter Neil and Paul shared both on stage and in interviews - Paul never failed to say or do something to crack you up and I truly believe that this was the greatest appeal of Crowded House - not just that their music was greatness but that they were able to entertain with spontaneity and also include humour amongst some of the deepest, heart achingly gorgeous lyrics I have ever heard.
I was lucky to see them live 4 times and it was always there live music that I enjoyed the most as you could just wait to hear a comment from Paul and a comeback from Neil.
I cannot imagine what his family and friends are going through but I hope they are able to find some relief from their raw pain as time passes by.

There was obviously a great deal of love and repect for Paul and I hope that somewhere within himself he had knowledge of this.

Thankyou for being such an important part of my life Paul - I hope that you are truly at peace now.

Always remembered.
Please, don't feel selfish if you cry. Paul Hester gave so bloody much of himself that he touched people he had never met. That is a tremendous gift that he was so willing to give to all of us. Paul gave unselfishly, accept the joy that he gave us unselfishly also.

I agree with the post on The Age - I don't cry for my loss, I cry for Paul's pain.

Please, don't feel guilty if you laugh. There were so many times when Paul went out of his way to make so many of us laugh.That was who he was, why turn your back on it now? I have been watching the special on Max, I laugh and I cry (sometimes at the same time) and it feels right somehow. Maybe that was something that Paul would have wanted, I don't know.

Laughing and crying are natural, healthy releases from the way we feel right now.
Embrace love, no matter what form it takes.

Tell someone you love them.Help them to believe it.

RIP Hessie Frowner
I have been reading the messages on this site and feel I must join in - from being an ENZ fan (it was the cool hair!)at school in the 70's to CH and Tim's solo albums - I have them all. The world is a better place to have had Paul reside here if only for a short time and we should rejoice in having heard his music. I'm off to the RAH on Wednesday and will vocally pay my own small tribute while my heart will be going out to them on stage.
i am in absolute shock and feel devastated. i found out this morning (london time) travelling on the underground, im sure the other passengers thought i was a weirdo for crying but i dont care, the world has lost a talented and wonderful human being. i dont think this lump in my throat will ever subside. my thoughts and prayers go out to all of pauls family friends and fans. i just cant believe it! RIP paul i hope you are now finally happy you deserve it.
love claire
Such sad news.
Joel said it best: �Crowded House are the reason that I have a CD collection..�
Me too, Joel� me too. This music has been the soundtrack to many significant moments in my life, which is why the loss feels so very personal.
Mixed with the sadness is a huge sense of gratitude to Paul for his contribution to that music.
Thank you, Paul. May you rest in peace.
I'm amazed at how many lives Paul Hester has impacted, and the outpouring of grief from fans world wide for this Melbourne lad. I can't help thinking that wherever he is, he is deeply regreting taking his life. Although, I hope he has found peace.

I didn't know him (wish I had met him at least once), but he seemed like the sort of down-to-earth person who would baulk at all the speculation surrounding his death. I personally don't believe that he suicided over his love life. At least his passing has highlighted the issue of depression, at the most that he was a well loved, bright personality.

Much love and condolences to his family and friends. He was a bright, shining star in the world.

"I can't help thinking of you, take this dull ache away" - The Climber
I was at the Albert Hall show last night and Neil and Tim didn't say much about it. I guess they just wanted to get on with the show and let the music do the talking. Neil said, "You know how we're feeling coz you're feeling it too." They sang 'Better Be Home Soon' and I doubt there was a person in the hall that didn't feel the emotion. Neil did say that Paul was "the best drummer I've ever worked with".

Pauls death is tragic and it made last nights gig feel very important. To see Neil, Tim and Nick Seymour on stage together the day after such a tragedy was something I'll never forget.
I have just heard, all I can say is ****!
I came back to work today with the news of a former colleague had done the same thing. I feel truly sorry for the people they have left behind and an appreciation of the situation that leads to this sort of decision. Its no use saying this now but there is never a good enough reason to take your own life, a rational person has no reason, this shows that these poor people were in need of help its a pity they told no-one. Just lets hope that we all learn from this and take more interest in those around us and not just take their word for it.
There's a hole in the river... the song won't get out of my head. I was in tears when I heard it for the first time and was in shock when I read the news this morning.

Through the thorns and the bushes I hope he was...
Dreaming of glory
Miles above the mountains and plains
Free at last

I will remember him as I have seen him playing in Utrecht and Maastricht. Ah such loss...
And a greater loss for his friends and family....
saddest day ever, very surreal the circumstances. I was listening to Recurring Dream whilst the storms were going in Perth and woke up to this shocking news this morning. They are one of my favourite bands of all time(and still are) has lost a treasure and an integral part of the supergroup. I was like all of you a huge fan growing up in Darwin with the beautiful tunes of the crowdies. Pauls drumming was awesome. Especially live. He was an even likeable and funny, witty bloke both on and off stage. He is a huge loss to the music world. icons like him are hard to ignore. Miss him massively. I was so hoping for a Crowdies Concert reuniion in Perth. Sadly this has dashed those hopes i suppose. To Hessie's Family and Friends my sincere condolences for you. Also Give a big shout out to all you fans out there. This is so unbelievable to take
Sacred Cow & Nads your words are beautiful.
We all have a common link. We love Paul! And that my Frenz is very special!
Like many people here we've all experienced Paul in different ways.
Still sitting here after 3 days in disbelief watching Max, 'In Loving Memory Of Paul' tears of sadness have not yet left me. Like many of us it's shock then you try to take it all in. I'm now up to the anger part. I've been told it's a natural part of the grievance process. I know I'll deal with it and move on like I hope we all will.
But I sit here thinking of the momories of Paul, Split Enz and Crowded House, Finn Brothers etc have given me over the years.
It started in 1977 when my Mum came back from an Enz gig at the Arkaba in Adelaide and she told me she'd seen this band and that I would love them. I was 10 at the time. Of course they became my #1 band when I tracked down their records and still are and always will be. My mum came to the concerts with me (sitting up the back while I was down the front). Now at 38 like many of us we have so many fond memories of Paul but for me one inparticular stands out. It was when he drove me and some frenz to the Mullanes gig @ The Village Green in Melbourne and then home again stopping off at the 711 for a Flake and packet of tea bags. I laugh when I think of buying us tea bagas. What was he thinking!
Always the joker under a dark cloud that wouldn't pass.
Paul, thank you for the good times and memories.
My sincere condolences to your family, colleagues and friends I pray that one day they find the strength to accept what has happened and find happiness in the memories.
Love to you all.
Frowner Like others whose messages I have read tonight, I too am a new 'member' of this Frenz website, drawn to the Internet as my only way of saying to you, personally, how sad I am that Paul found it necessary to end his sweet but troubled life. I know how he felt, believe me, and it wasn't a rational decision, but these decisions aren't.

An exceptional talent and fine human being, Paul would not have imagined the countless souls that grieve for his dear wife and two daughters, and his extended 'family'. Nor would he have contemplated the depth of loss that so very many of us are now experiencing, that ANY person could feel so desperately alone that he [or she] might go to a quiet place in the dark and end it all. Paul did not lack friends, and yet the reality of clinical depression is that we need to reach out to people whom we feel need a bit of nurturing. Not everyone who is sad is suffering from depression, but here's a site to help you work out if someone you know needs help -

Paul, you would know you leave us with wonderful memories that will never leave us. You know you have made a [good] mark on hundreds of thousands of people and brought much happiness to us all. It is not our fault, nor was it yours Paul - and certainly you would not want your family and friends to blame and punish themselves for the illness to which you succumbed. Your soul lives on forever. Your have entrusted us to hold your music and your charm in our hearts and our minds. And your memory will hold us together.

We are grateful to you for your music, and to those who made the music with you. May they, and may all those who mourn your passing, take courage and joy from what you left for us.

May we also all learn to prevent others from taking this final step. We love you Paul, and our deepest sympathy goes out to your family.
I have been holding off posting something here as I didn't feel 'worthy': growing up in The Netherlands I really liked Split Enz, but then moved to the U.S. and never heard CH or what followed. Thanks to a wonderful Powderworker (Oils fan) I became aware of all things Finn and have been slowly acquiring all that I missed. I'm now at a point where I listen to CH and/or Neil on a daily basis.
I've seen the brothers, but never had the pleasure of seeing CH. Reading all your wonderful tributes I now realize what a great person Paul was and I'm feeling the loss. He truly was an original.
I'm sorry he was in so much pain.

My deepest sympathy to his family and friends.
I met Paul in 1998 or 1999 at one of Tim's shows at the Continental in Melbourne. He was so friendly and sweet and took the time to chat, which made me adore him more than I already did - ever since that crazy night on MTV with Richard Wilkins all those years ago.

The world has lost an amazing man.

My deepest sympathy goes out to Paul's family and friends, and of course Peter Green, Neil and Tim and Nick. And everyone else out there who's feeling like I am right now.

I've had This is Massive stuck in my head for two days........

RIP Paul. We will never forget you.
Never got to see Paul live.The first CH concert I saw was at Wembley just after he bailed out.

But through interviews,live recordings and his songs his influence on the band is unmistakable.

Gonna honor him in the best way i know how.Tonight in the company of a few thousand of his frenz enjoying what he helped create.

Cheers Paul
Sleep well mate!
Those three boys just had this great chemistry going on. A collective personality that made the music come to life and won them a place in your heart instantly. A lot of that came from Paul Hester - his smile, warmth, wit, and talent (as you've all been saying).

It's a terrible tragedy and a real shock to my system. Things should never come to this. My heart weeps for his family and those close to him.

I will remember you in my prayers.
Ian McPherson
Spent yesterday in silent shock. Today tears come quickly. Strange response over someone I saw but never actually met. But perhaps not so strange when one considers all the beautiful emotion experienced over many years at the hands and soul of this artist. It's ironic he provided so much joy to others and yet felt such pain personally, to have ended this way.

I hope somewhere, somehow he can feel all this outpouring of loss and love from "strangers" to whom he gave so much.

We miss you & will always be grateful for your priceless gifts which we'll treasure always.
Had pleasure of meeting him Glasgow early 90s when they literally brought the roof down at the Kings Theatre. Me and my sis standing around after gig when he came out of stage door, he NF and NS stopped and signed Woodface Cd and chatted for a while. Very nice humble not in your face type of guy. Will miss the banter he used to have with NF at their gigs. Sympathy to friends & Family
sheesh! it's been years since I logged on here but on hearing the news had to come by.

I haven't been here in ages because after years of near obsessive CH / NF nerdiness I thought "get a grip man, it's only a band". Still see Neil and Tim live when I can, buy the albums that sort of thing but kinda thought "i'm over it now".

When I heard the news about Paul it really shocked me and made me sad. I guess I found out that they weren't "only a band" and they did (do) mean a lot to me and others.

Glad I wasn't at the Albert Hall Finn Bros shows. Couldn't have coped with that drum/hat on the stage. Too sad.

Hope he's at peace.

In the last three days, I'be been overwhelmed by all of the personal connections folks reported with Paul. At first, I was bummed -- I had my own personal interactions with Paul and was feeling less special to learn that I was part of such a large group. Then I was actually happier to think about how many people share my special feelings towards Paul, and to celebrate what a special guy that made him.

One of my prized possessions is a bootleg recording of a CH concert in 1991 during which I was able to get onstage with the boys and sing -- Italian Plastic. (I gave a copy of this to Neil, but never got the chance to give it to Paul -- who at the time challenged me to send him one of my songs so that he could perform it as poorly as I performed his!) The effort yeilded me a backstage pass that night which is signed by Paul and framed on my wall (that signature was from another show in 1994). Those interactions have always been special to me, and now they are moreso.

This sucks. We each have spent time listening and reminiscing. This LLT lyric jumped out at me: "take time to heal, 'cause I won't be there."

(smiling as the sh!t comes down ...)
As a Life member of Frenz I am overwhelmed with the response to Paul's death and the outpouring of love and condolences not only from regular posters but the majority coming from new members, even if it is only to share a story about Paul or to try to come to terms with what has happened.

Folks, don't be ashamed or embarrassed to be here. Your love for Paul has brought you here. Those of you who have already posted---thank you so much for your participation. And for those who haven't posted yet--please step up and tell us your heart. Despite this tragedy there is a beautiful thing happening here.

All of us here have our hands locked in a chain that stretches 'round the world. Show your support for each other and Paul's surviving "family" all over the world.

Sincere condolences to the girls and Pauls family and friends and fans.
Wherever you are Paul, please know that you are and always will be remembered and in my heart. Thankyou so much for all the music, good times and laughter. You are one of my heroes and i still hope to jam with you one day and give you an almighty big hug so i won't say goodbye, and also because i just can't. Until then may God keep you well. - Pete.
No words can express my feelings of shock, sadness and emptiness.

The music of Crowded House is a real support in my adult life, and helps me to overcome some difficult internal struggle, the search to myself and the meaning of my life in this world. Thanks, Paul, for being a travelcompagnion in this quest.
A little poem, I wrote a couple of years ago:

If you're feeling sad,
See life as a journey.
Remember your friends are your travel compagnions,
Your daily activities the travelling and
Your dreams your destination.

May God give the courage and strength to the family, relatives and friends of Paul.
Your music will live on in our hearts.
May you rest in peace, and hopefully you've found what you were looking for.....always,

Ferry from The Netherlands....
My english is not very good so please forgive me my bad english...

This cant be true or? I mean CH were my first heroes i became a Fan when I was 13 years Im 16 and i cant descibe the feelings which are going through me now...I mean...why?
He was always so funny, happy and everything...

I never thought that i would cry so much for a star..not only a star..a human I always admired, he always seemd like a life loving person...

He will be always in our minds..and hearts..

bye Paul..
A lovely tribute to Paul appeared in today's online Age newspaper:

Vale Paul Hester

The sudden death of a celebrated musician stirs powerful emotions, writes Alan Atwood.

I never met him. Didn't know him personally. Yet still the death of Paul Hester, the musician, has hit me harder than I would have expected. I've been trying to work out why. It can't just be that, like a great many people, I have a couple of Crowded House CDs lying around the house.

Perhaps it's because I take the dog for a walk early most mornings in Elsternwick Park - a tranquil place where Hester ended his life on Friday night. He went out with his dogs and never came home. Perhaps it's because I'm just a little bit older than Hester, who was 46. The 40s, it is clear, can be a perilous place for an awful lot of men.

Perhaps it's because I inadvertently witnessed the aftermath to this personal tragedy.

It was around lunchtime on Saturday; we were driving back from the market. Up ahead, on the road next to the park, we saw flashing lights: a police car and an ambulance. We idly wondered why they were there - maybe a kid injured on play equipment. I turned right so as not to get caught up in anything.

Didn't think any more about it until Monday morning. That's when I saw the headline: "Crowded House drummer dies". Forgive me, my initial reaction was that perhaps there was another one. But not Hester. Surely not the guy with the big goofy grin. Not Hessie of the transient yet inspired TV music show Hessie's Shed, which produced some memorable moments, including a reunion with his Crowded House colleagues.

It was him, of course. I had only ever seen one side, the amiable public face, of a middle-aged man as complex as the rest of us.

On Monday night I raised Hester's death with an old mate of mine. He appeared surprised that I was brooding about it. "But he wasn't well," he said. "He was ill. Depressed." He said this as if it explained everything.

I'm not sure it does. Reports I've read and seen suggest that even people who knew him well are stunned that he took this last step.

It reminds us how little we can know someone we might regard as a friend.

For this wasn't a tragic accident, like the death of another former rock star, Shirley Strachan. And I wouldn't presume to speculate about causes. All I'd suggest is that it's well past time to shelve jokes about midlife crises. They're real. And not funny at all.

It's obvious now that there's many people like me, strangers to Hester, who have been moved by his death. A lovely notice in one of yesterday's papers began: "Although I never knew you personally, I still feel deep, deep loss and grief." It came from a woman who described herself as "a lifelong fan and admirer". That's the thing about a medium as powerful and pervasive as music: performers can end up with a lot of fans they never meet. Yet still a personal connection has been forged.

I've just spent some time digging out and flicking through those Crowded House recordings. As I'd suspected, it was Hester who wrote the loopy Italian Plastic on the Woodface CD. Call it a love-song from left field:
"I'll be your piggy in the middle, stick with you till the end."

He also wrote Skin Feeling on Together Alone, released in 1993, his last recording with the band. A couple of lines leap out: "I like kids when they're asleep/ Their little arms around you."

And this: "I'm looking old, I'm feeling young . . . . My second life has just begun."

Now it is over. I can only offer clumsy condolences to his family and friends. Perhaps they have been surprised by the ripples spreading far beyond the lake in Elsternwick Park, where life went on early yesterday morning: a group of guys playing hockey; joggers puffing; dog-walkers with bags and balls.

But maybe those closest to Paul Hester knew all along how many people he touched. For that's a marvellous aspect of music captured in recordings and concerts. Some of the rhythm, the harmonies, and the joy lasts forever.

Alan Attwood is a Melbourne journalist and author.
I have tried to post a comment here several times before now, but I just couldn't find the right words... Perhaps this time?

I've been a fan of anything NF&Co for as long as I can remember... I was lucky enough to be at the Finn Bros concert in Melbourne in November, when Hessie made his surprise appearance. As always, he lit up the stage and together with Neil and Tim we lucky few saw something that the world will now never see again...

My heart goes out to Paul's girls, his family and his friends...

I have tickets to RAHC tomorrow night, if it goes ahead. To Neil, Tim and Nick, you are so brave in your tribute... but know this, we all your fans and friends stand on that stage with you...

Go with our love Paul... we will celebrate you and remember you... with your music you will live on in all our hearts...
I don't know if anyone has posted this already because there's so much information on this site now, but I felt I had to do it anyway..

Band reunites for Hester
By Rachel Kleinman
March 29, 2005 - 10:13AM

Former Crowded House bass player Nick Seymour flew
from Dublin to perform with Neil and Tim Finn in
London last night in honour of drummer Paul Hester,
who committed suicide at the weekend.

The Finn Brothers played on Monday night (London time)
in the first of three scheduled concerts at London's
Royal Albert Hall.

Seymour joined the brothers on stage for four Crowded
House songs at the start of the performance, which was
dedicated to Hester.

A lone snare drum with a hat on top paid poignant
tribute to the 46-year-old Melburnian who died in an
Elsternwick park over the Easter holiday.

The musicians shared several memories about Hester and
Neil Finn told the audience that Hester was the best
drummer he had ever played with.

Seymour then returned to the stage for an emotional

Neil Finn was reported to have broken down in tears
during the Hunters and Collectors classic Throw Your
Arms Around Me.

An Australian journalist, who was at the concert, told
3AW he had never been to such an emotional gig.

Neil and Tim Finn have cancelled Tuesday and
Wednesday's concerts to fly to Melbourne.

A private funeral is expected to take place for Paul
Hester on Friday.

When I heard the news yesterday I flashed back to when my brother-in-law killed himself several years ago. There was no warning he was going to do it and he left no note to explain. As time went on we started to look back see some of what led up to him doing what he did. Our families have since healed from the loss, but there will always be questions that will never be answered, and we've had to learn to live with that.

I offer my condolences to Paul's family and friends while they try to sort out what happened. You will survive even if it doesn't feel like it right now. And you will have questions that will never be answered, and that's okay too.
I love the fact that this board is here and for what it represents - the love and sadness being felt by so many. I know that at some point I've got to stop coming here cuz I bawl my eyes out every time. It's just not the time yet.

Thank you all so much for all the articles/clips/photos and for the RAH reports from last night. I don't know how they did it.

I hope they've got lots of cymbals to bonk your head on wherever you are, Paul.
Just been Watching the farewell to the world concert again and during hole in the river i cried.Man i can't listen to that song now without thinking of Paul Hester.

and the words Neil says towards the end :

'Its abit emotional for us tonight,feels more a celebration than a funeral does'nt it really'

'thats the way its should be'

Those words he spoke echo true today,We should mourn for Paul but at same time celebrate his life and all he gave to us.

RIP Paul
I was at the gig last night. The drum and the hat were so moving. How sad that only two of the three members of Crowded House were together on stage. Paul will be sadly missed and now the dream of a reunion (let's face it, many of us wished for) is never gonna happen.

It never occurred to me that Neil and Tim would mcancel the gig, I knew that they would want to be on stage. I hope we gave them a bit of comfort as their music is to us.
Spencer - thanks for sharing your memory of the concert in PNth, NZ(95/96). It was my only live CH experience yet it's there so strong. That was an awesome day and from all the posts I've read - sounds like Paul created many of those for people around the world.He lives on in that...and the music will never die.
Thanks for sharing the forum - I know it provides comfort.
It is very odd. That someone I never met could make such a dint in my heart, just knowing they weren't around anymore.
But there you are.

I don't profess to know how he must have felt, but, having been "there" a few times myself, it makes me upset to think that another living soul feels that way, and though it is little consolation, at least he is free from whatever it was that took him there.

Words seem pretty inconsequential at times like this.

It's just amazing to see so many people feel the same way. xox
The talk of depression reminds me-last night I was lying there trying to get to sleep, and I saw an ad for a site to go to for help with depression, and I was just like, "Aw, hell...". Such great timing, huh? Also, for those of you who've battled depression or know people who've battled it or lost family members/friends to this kind of thing, I send hugs and my deepest condolances to you all. I really hope we can get this issue taken care of, because nobody should have to experience this. Nobody.

Originally posted by pharmgirl:
[qb]Perhaps it's because I inadvertently witnessed the aftermath to this personal tragedy.

It was around lunchtime on Saturday; we were driving back from the market. Up ahead, on the road next to the park, we saw flashing lights: a police car and an ambulance. We idly wondered why they were there - maybe a kid injured on play equipment. I turned right so as not to get caught up in anything.

Didn't think any more about it until Monday morning. That's when I saw the headline: "Crowded House drummer dies". Forgive me, my initial reaction was that perhaps there was another one. But not Hester. Surely not the guy with the big goofy grin. Not Hessie of the transient yet inspired TV music show Hessie's Shed, which produced some memorable moments, including a reunion with his Crowded House colleagues.

It was him, of course. I had only ever seen one side, the amiable public face, of a middle-aged man as complex as the rest of us.[/qb]
Oh, god...he saw that awful...oh, my god...

Originally posted by alita:
[qb]My personal irony is that Paul took his life on my #2 son�s birthday. What should be a joyous occasion for me will now always be a sad one too. Talk about Conflicting Emotions�[/qb]
I heard this news on Saturday night here. My dad's birthday was on Sunday. I was doing everything in my power to be happy on that day, but yet my mind was...well, elsewhere.

Also, thanks, suzanne, for posting a report about the show at the RAH last, after reading that, I just want to go find those guys and give them all a big hug...I feel so bad for them. Sounds like it was quite the powerful show.

Gentle Hum...

I was so sorry to hear the news...
I think a "Gentle Hum" is at its place:

"My wish is for you an end to your sorrow.
If it comes true you'll wake up tomorrow...
This gentle hum has just begun.
This gentle hum will make us one..."

Thanks Neil & Tim for these lyrics. You're both on an European tour right now and I know this must be very, very hard for you. Perhaps you could do "Gentle Hum" as a tribute to Paul... The words are so very appropriate...
To you all please accept the condolences of all the Dutch fans...
It is really moving reading the posts from other fans. Paul touched so many peoples lives. I just hope that Paul is remembered for the happiness and joy he brought to peoples lives, rather than the tragic way his life ended.

So sad, there can never be a Crowded House reunion now. But I am sure he was on stage with them in *spirit* last night....
Although I registered on this site last October I kept forgetting to post.After the sad news I woke up to this morning I knew I had to change this.Only a few artists have ever moved me in the way CH have done over the years.Peter Gabriel,REM and very few others.I bought CH 1st album after a great review in Q magazine and have never stopped listening since.And I never will. Frowner

When tomorrow comes
We may not be here at all
Without your whispers and moans
Here you come to carry me home
I'm in the US and I found out about Paul's death on Easter night from a friend via an email with the subject line "Sad News". I was in shock. All alone, on the road with my job in a hotel in Knoxville, Tennessee is a strange, remote place to find oneself when one gets such news. My immediate thoughts were to those he left behind: those he loved and who loved him. How will they cope in the coming weeks? How will they cope after the news reports have quieted down, after the neighbors stop bringing food and after the phone stops ringing with kind offers to help? After everyone else gets back to the reality of their own lives, how will they struggle to resume their own? I thought of Paul's girls and how he will be missed on every one of their birthdays, every holiday, even in the smaller moments in life like when a CH song comes on the radio or when they smell their dad's after shave or see a record of his in the record store. It tears your heart out. My sincerest sympathies to his family and friends.

Of course, my thoughts turned to the music as well. CH have played the soundtrack to so many moments in my life. I've said it before when talking about my other fave band Squeeze but I mean it with CH as well: their music opened the door to the world to me! Years later when I visited Australia and New Zealand, I felt a little part of me had been there before because of their music! I remember listening to them when the only light in my adolescent bedroom was from the glow of the stereo. Their music paints such vivid landscapes-it was a lovely way to spend an hour (or hundred!). I ran a local cable music video show in Ohio in college and CH and Squeeze were my favorite bands.

Through my show, I was able to get backstage at CH gigs with my friends and we formed a friendship with the lovely Crowdies road crew. Paul, Angus, Arlo, Steven, Craig-I've been thinking of you guys! What a privilege it was to be able to see so many soundchecks, so many great shows and to spend so many moments with the CH family. I baked chocolate chip cookies for the band whenever they would come to town and after a while, it became expected. Paul would bound over and say in his funny accent, "Where's the lovely bikkies?". I would not go as far to say that I was super good friends with any of them. I was not. I was merely a fan who would hang out with them with my friends once or twice a year or so when they'd come to town, but it was always such a laugh!

I remember sitting on the side of the stage in Columbus, Ohio at the sound desk and being in awe of witnessing the show from the crew's point of view. I think there are two shows: the one that the band puts on for the audience and the one they do for themselves; after all, it is their job! It was fascinating to see Neil, Nick and Paul interact with each other, their shorthand gestures and knowing looks. And of course, the fun they had.

I specifically remember leaning over to Paul (the sound guy) at the sound desk and saying, 'I'm trying to be so cool and nonchalant sitting here but this is so amazing that I want to sing along and dance!" and he smiled and said in his french accent, "DO IT!" and he scooted back the chair so I could jump up and down. I then started clapping along and singing and I remember the look on Hester's face as he pretended to be shocked that I dared to get up and dance and sing! Then he laughed, nodded his approval and winked at me. I sang a hilariously disastrous version of "In the Lowlands" with them at one show in Cincinnatti and later told them that it was the 'ultimate karaoke'. (which it was!) Nick was always up for conversation. Neil was always lovely though a bit reserved, understandably, but Paul was the first to make me feel welcome and to have a laugh.

I hope it's not deemed inappropriate, but I thought I'd share a joke. I'm sure all of you are familiar with Paul's cheeky sense of humour. I remember one time we asked him how he coped with the loneliness of the road and he chuckled and said, "Amy, you obviously haven't been introduced to the 'lucky sock'." Throughout the rest of the evening, much to the delight of the crew, he repeatedly threatened to get out the 'lucky sock' and make us all touch it. It still makes me laugh. I feel really blessed to have been able to see CH so many times and to be able to tell them how much their music meant to me. (probably losing my dignity in the process!) I always played their videos on my little show and still treasure the CH promotional goodies from the record company. I still have the autographed postcards of the band where Paul drew devil horns and moustaches on Neil and Nick! (they witnessed this and laughed.) I will remember Paul's humour, his warmth and his boundless enthusiasm behind the drums!

I want to say a big thanks for everyone who has posted on the site because it has made me feel connected in a very meaningful way. If I was home in LA, I'd be able to hang out and have a few drinks with my musician pals who are feeling the same way I am. So even though the forum has been gut wrenching to read at times, I think it's a lovely way to express what we're going through (however clumsy but nonetheless heartfelt.) and to know that there are others out there around the world who are going through what I'm going through. It's been amazing to read the lyrics to so many great songs that seem so appropriate. I doubt I'll ever listen to them the same way again. (A bit like when Ringo sang "Photograph" at the Concert for George!)

Sorry to ramble on but after reading so many posts, I felt compelled to put my thoughts down and share my memories with you. I apologize because it's probably not coming out the right way. One of the first songs I thought of upon hearing the news of Paul's death was the Squeeze song "Some Fantastic Place". Chris and Glenn wrote it about their friend who died but even though the song is about a woman, I think the sentiment is very appropriate for Paul. We'll always have his lovely music. And I hope that Paul is in Some Fantastic Place now! xxxx

Some Fantastic Place��
She gave to me her tenderness�
Her friendship and her love�
I see her face from time to time�
There in the sky above�
We grew up learning as we went�
What a voyage our life could be�
It took us through a wilderness�
Into the calmest sea�
Her smile could lift me from the pain�
I often found within�
She said some things I won't forget�
She made a few bells ring�
So simple her humility�
Her beauty found in grace�
Today she lives another life�
In some fantastic place�
She showed me how to raise a smile�
Out of a bed of gloom�
And in a garden sanctuary�
A life began to bloom.�
She visualised a world ahead�
And planned how it would be�
She left behind the strongest love�
That lives eternally�
I have the hope that when it's time�
For me to come her way�
That she'll be there to show me round�
Whenever comes that day�
Her love was life and happiness�
And in her steps I trace�
The way to live a better life�
In some fantastic place
I've spent the morning reading everyone's thoughts, and like many people, just knowing that there are others out there who understand how I'm feeling is so comforting. Crowded House has been such a huge part of my life for almost 20 years, and has made me who I am to a great extent--I've met great friends at concerts, I have traveled to places I might never have to see the band, and they exposed me to music and ideas to which I might not have otherwise been exposed--that I do feel like I knew Paul personally. A light has gone out in my life, and my thoughts are with his family & friends, because I realize the light that went out for me is nothing compared to what they have lost.
Every CH song is taking on new meaning. Listening to the live cd with the limited edition of Recurring Dream.

"frost on the window pane
the sound of pouring rain
all make me glad of you
when I am far away
I am always with you"


Every song........each and every song......nearly tears my heart out. comes Hole in the River..... Frowner

I feel like there is so much to say, but I have no words. How very tragic.
Amyglennmovie, that's quite the story...what a lovely bunch of memories you'll have there. These stories are all really nice to read-Paul seemed like such an awesome guy.

I went to a board last night in which Crowded House isn't a band that gets talked about all that much (except by me and perhaps a couple of other people), just 'cause not too many people there have really listened to their music over the years, and I'd noticed that someone had mentioned this news there, too, and the replies I've read since then have all been very respectful and kind. It was just nice to know that it isn't only the fans of this band who are sad to hear the news. I dunno, it just comforted me some.

Originally posted by Amyglennmovie:
[qb] How will they cope in the coming weeks? How will they cope after the news reports have quieted down, after the neighbors stop bringing food and after the phone stops ringing with kind offers to help? After everyone else gets back to the reality of their own lives, how will they struggle to resume their own? I thought of Paul's girls and how he will be missed on every one of their birthdays, every holiday, even in the smaller moments in life like when a CH song comes on the radio or when they smell their dad's after shave or see a record of his in the record store. It tears your heart out. My sincerest sympathies to his family and friends.[/qb]
Oh god, this is something I hadn't even thought of. I'm sitting at my desk at work, trying to think about something else so I don't start crying.

I have so much enjoyed everyone's posts and stories. This whole thing is so surreal, and I was just thinking to myself, "This isn't normal. This is not what usually gets discussed here." I just can't believe he's gone. One of the Crowdies is gone.

My god.
Originally posted by Crowdieman:
[qb] One lyric that is really tearing me at the moment is from the Finns song 'Won't give in'

'even if time is just a flicker of light
and we all have to die alone'

Just makes me think of how Paul was a so alone with no one beside him when he died in that park.

RIP Paul [/qb]
Ive thought about that too. And what his last moments must have been like. What he must have been thinking. It's a distrubing place to go in your mind. Frowner

What his loved ones must be going through. I can only imagine.... Frowner
I am trying to organise a gathering on Sunday afternoon in Brisbane. I'm thinking maybe a BYO picnic or something and I was considering maybe "kids Space" at Chermside. Wear your CH shirts or badges or anything you may have or want to bring, swap stories, have a laugh, in true "Paul" spirit. Play some music etc. Could people please contact me either on this forum or private message to let me know if there is interest in this idea? Or if anyone has a better idea? I really feel I need to do this and thought maybe others felt the same.
I`ve looked for some nice words to say..
but still find it hard. It`s weird that the death of someone you never knew personal can touch you in a way I never thought it would.

Great respect to Neil, Tim, Nick and Peter who find time for us "Frenz" to sing their most emotional songs on stage, find time to send us e-mails with news. While they have to handle with their own grief over Paul`s death. Thank you guys !

I look back at paul as a nice warm funny man with a big smile on his face while he was on stage. Never knew about the other side. A guy who was a big part of the music i start to love when i was young girl and still love today.
Thank you for all the nice and good moments with CH.
Rest In Peace Paulo.

Wish all the love and strength in the world for Mardi and the 2 little girls Paul leaves behind, Peter, Neil, Tim, Nick, other family and friends for the next dark days.


Originally posted by Half-Full:
[qb]Ive thought about that too. And what his last moments must have been like. What he must have been thinking. It's a distrubing place to go in your mind. Frowner [/qb]
Yeah, it is...

The thing I always think about whenever I hear that someone has died is-did they know, like, a week ago, a month ago, a year ago, etc., that this would be their last week on Earth? I know that's really, really morbid and upsetting as hell, as are the thoughts about his last moments, but that's what always starts coming into my mind.

And then Finn Light's post..."surreal" is the right word to describe this, definitely. Just that last statement in your just doesn't sound right.

Originally posted by Half-Full:
[qb]What his loved ones must be going through. I can only imagine.... Frowner [/qb]
Oh, god, no kidding...*Shakes head*. Those poor people...

Hello to Everyone, my name is Emanuel and I'm from Argentina, way down south america.

I've read the notice today at my job and I felt so sad, so sad that it hurts, and when someone asked me "what's with your face?" I didn't say anything, Almost no one knows C.H in my country, so if I'd said "Paul Hester died" he'd probably looked at me weird, I felt so alone.

Right now there's nowhere I'd rather be than that square, to put flowers and a candle at the exact point where the tragedy happened, and to start praying and crying.

My sincere condolences to Hester's Family and Friends, I know words are meaningless at this times, but they're all I've got to give beside my love to all of them, and the biggest hug to Paul, thanks for everything friend, your music lighted my life through my darkest moments, and make it brighter through the happy ones. I'll take your smile with me forever.

I'd love to be in Brisbane that sunday bot a couple of thousands of miles make it impossible, but I'll be there in spirit.

This is a big catarsis for me, thanks to all of you and sorry for my rusty english.

A big hug from Argentina

At first I wasn�t going to write anything here because I feel unworthy of being called a fan. I only have Recurring Dream and though I love it and the band, and have watched all episodes of Hessie�s Shed but one, I still don�t know half as much Crowded House or Finns as all of you Frenz here. I don�t own any other album of theirs and I�ve never seen any member play live, or met them. I never even knew quite how special and amazing Paul was � even more than I ever surmised � until I read quotes from his close friends in news reports. But after reading some of your posts, I�ve realised that as someone who has also been touched by their music and by Paul�s overall goodness, it�s the best thing I can contribute to this lovely man�s memory, at a time when we all feel so lost without him, and I feel so helpless.

I heard of his passing in the wee hours of the 28th, when I�d woken up to news of the earthquake. I read it in the running news tab actually. Upon seeing the start of the sentence �Drummer Paul�� I thought, if it�s Paul Hester, please, please don�t let it be bad news�

My first reaction was disbelief. I still can�t believe it. It�s impossible. He was such a wonderful, bright spark of a man. I�d heard that he suffered some kind of depression when he left CH, but seeing him on TV or hearing him on the radio, I thought he was okay. But he must have been hiding his pain all the time. Another person remarked in their post how ironic it was that he gave us so much joy while he was suffering so much pain inside.

Then I wondered: WHY?

I can�t help thinking that someone could have done something to help. We could have helped. I could have helped. (Strange how we feel so close to him! I never even saw him in public, let alone met him!) But he never gave us any warning. Or maybe we weren�t listening closely enough.

I don�t think he knew how much we loved, and still love him. I know when I get depressed, which is often, I feel completely alone, like no one in this world loves, appreciates or understands me. But even that seems impossible. Surely he must have known � there�s so many of us! But then why, why did he leave us this way?

Just weeks ago I was thinking of getting all obsessed over CH and getting everything they�ve ever released. I�d got into the band (just scratching the surface really) when I was twelve. I�d somehow got Weather With You and Better Be Home Soon in my head and was singing them. I got Recurring Dream and started to find out general information on the band. Hess was appearing on Martin/Molloy a bit then, and then Hessie�s Shed was on, so I glimpsed a bit of his magic, and became enamoured by him. I made a Valentine�s Day card for him and asked Peter Green where to send it in an email (�bet it�s for Neil�), but I never sent it because�well, I was just a bit shy. Now I wish I had. If I could find it now, I�d be happy just to put it on his grave�oh God.

I still haven�t managed to cry yet, but Paul, please don�t think I don�t love you. I want you back more than anything. I just can�t yet believe you�re really gone.

My tears, when they come, and my heart that bleeds continually, goes out to the girls, their mother, Paul�s immediate and extended family, and everyone who has ever been touched by him and mourn his loss.

Who knows � maybe I never will be able to believe you�re gone. Maybe that�s how you will live on in my memory.

Big hugs, old man. I love you.


PS. Hey, I love his brushes too! Smiler
PPS. I was already thinking of using Paul as my future son�s middle name, in tribute of Paul Hester, Paul Dempsey and Paul Kelly. I guess now it�s set in stone.
I am a long time lurker here, but I had to post. My heart truly fell apart upon hearing this sad news.

Paul was funny and kind and had that amazing gift of making a person feel good, at ease and at home. His smile stripped a young shy fan of her nerves.

I can't fathom the depths of pain those closest to him are feeling right now, the complete and utter loss.

Bless you Paul - Always you will be loved and remembered.
I had never met Paul, and i never had the pleasure of seeing Crowded House live.....Finn Brothers and solo stuff sure......but no CH.

Despite all this, I feel the same as I'm sure many of you feel right now. Paul and CH were there for so much of my life, unknowingly helping me in both bad spells and sharing in the good. I feel like i've lost a close friend. A silly feeling perhaps.....

Through live performances I have DVDs of, or Videos through the years......Paul always had some way of getting a smile out of me, through the passion and energy he put into the well as a comedic and easy going soul he seemed to possess.......

My heart goes out to his friends and family....and all those the world over that admired him.
To all Paul's family and friends, I can't possibly begin to know what you're going through. All I can say is that truly my heart goes to you at this time.

To Paul, I hope you've found your peace. You were the greatest drummer Australia has known. We never met and yet for over twenty years you inspired me to take up music and I've always loved your work. At only twenty-seven it really has been a life long journey and I will miss you greatly.
I'm another lurker, first (and a good few years ago) on the Tongue in the Mail list, and now here. Have been reading all these messages for the past couple of days but now I feel compelled to emerge from lurkdom to add my two cents. Wow. Paul Hester. I'm 31 now; I guess I was in my first flush of Crowdie mania at about age 18 - totally obsessed. Though my passion has definitely waned a bit, especially since the band broke up, that band is still my favorite and I think it probably always will be. I don't know - I guess I just wish Paul had known how much we all still hold him and the others in such high regard. Maybe things would have turned out different.

I saw the band play three or four times, and they were the best live music experiences I've ever had. I left feeling properly entertained, in quite an old-fashioned, all-around sense. So much onstage lunacy and chat. Paul was at the center of this, the funny guy to Neil's straight man. The chemistry they all had together was amazing - musically and personally - it just made you feel good. I do remember grinning through each performance. Thanks for the music and the laughs, Paul. I really hope, when I finally pluck up the courage to put a Crowded House CD on the stereo, that I can still get that sense of fun from listening.
Deepest sympathy to all family and friends, my heart goes out to you.

No mere human can give meaning to or carry someone else's life when life itself has failed to do so. Hopefully in time you can believe there was not one particular thing anyone could have done and know you have helped him hold on as long as he could.

Hopefully you can also believe an absence of warning signs does not indicate a failure to see any, but rather the serious contemplation of the most private decision anyone can make; a decision many choose not to burden others with, especially those held most dear.

At this moment, mourning the pain in his life and mourning the loss in yours and ours, we have no choice but to accept, if not respect, his decision and hope it has brought him to the better place he must have been longing for so desperately.

Wishing you strength and flexibility and hoping you can come together, as the fans have done on the net, and find comfort in everyone who loved him and find a way to recover.
I was listening to some Crowded House music this weekend, remembering their appearance on an MTV Spring Break concert, must have been 1986. They were so full of life, so full of the enjoyment of performing. I was thinking how Paul Hester had boundless fun and spirit and wit.

And then I logged onto the Forum last night to read the news of his passing. It's ironic that the one who seemed the clown had perhaps the worst demons of all.

Such a sad end to a life not fully lived.

Prayers go to the family and friends he left behind as they struggle to deal with the grief and the reality.

Prayers to those out there who feel suicide is any kind of a solution to your problems. May Paul's legacy be shining a little light on the silent and sometimes deadly disease of mental depression so that others don't share his fate.
It's really nice to see everyone sharing together on here, no one is alone on here - no matter where you are - and that is quite something to achieve. Tears are never far away - but neither are the smiles.

I was lucky enough to see CH live a few times, Paul stole the stage anytime he wanted to, made everyone laugh - and heckled the hecklers much to the joy of a cheering crowd who'd had enough drunk ramblings from a particular person.

One of my favourite memory though is listening to several radio interviews - and every interviewer commented that they were amazed that Paul didn't have drums with him when they were going to perform. He always used boxes or rubbish bins or whatever was around. And he still made it sound fantastic.

I will remember Paul fondly as a fan, he seemed an ordinary guy - but he was an extraordinary drummer and he was an exceptional person - you just have to read this thread to realise that if you ever had any doubts.

RIP Paulo and my thoughts are with his family and friends and all of the frenz family,