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Originally posted by asturias:
[qb]So these days I�m into Formula 1 and one of my dreams, somehow CH related, is to go to the Australian Grand Prix some day. If any one of you is into this sport, you�ll know the leader of the championship is no other than an Asturian, like myself, Fernando Alonso. Funny coincidence he beated the great New Zealander Bruce McLaren to be the youngest �fast-lapper� and GP winner. Sorry for that, but we are so proud of him! I followed him to China last year so this dream does not seem too far away. The Grand Prix is in Melbourne so chances are I could easily visit all the special places for any Crowded House fan. No other group has touched me so deeply, so I�ll keep working on introducing new fans to their music as I always have.
Don't apologise Asturias! When I saw your name - that is what I first thought of!! Smiler Motorsport is my first love, and it was a very "Crowded House moment" for the Australian GP this year when the commentator described Melbourne as having Four Seasons in One Day! Wink

Back to Paul... there's a lot of beautiful things been written here. When I first found this topic that Sunday afternoon there were 3 pages...

My only 'weird' moment was in the week leading up to Paul's death, I had been reading a lot online about Farewell to the World. Thinking a lot about how special they were as a band, together, really starting to discover them beyond just the cds in my collection. There is one image I saw online months ago, a huge hug, tear stained faces - so sad, yet so beautiful. A closure, in a sense, but always missed, even with the memories.
at least I'm not the only Mum with offspring that beg for Split Enz/Crowded House/Anything Finn!

my 4 1/2 year old begs for Take A Walk and Sister Madly, EVERY time I put on music, which is nearly always, as I would rather have music as background than television.

We also have this game where I'll say a few words of a song and he'll finish the lyric, a few days ago, he started off with the lyrics to Mean To Me, he got to, Now her parents are divorced... and looked at me expectantly ... there was just no way I could repeat those lyrics. sigh.

Winterpumpkin (gee, where do I know you from? Smiler ) is it really so odd that so many of us were listening to something CH? Does a day really go by that it doesn't pop up on the playlist? I think we're all addicted!
Okay, I've debated about writing anything after THIRTY pages of outpouring, but I'm going to anyway. All I can keep thinking about is a, what, 10-year-old girl and 8-year-old girl who will never know their father. He won't be there to annoy them when they start dating, he won't be there for them when they graduate, he won't be there when they get married, he won't see his grandchildren. And the annoying thing is that unlike most people who are unfortunately in this situation, HE HAD A CHOICE.

I'm not going to pretend I knew the man because I listened to some CDs, so I can't stand in judgement, but how can people do that to their children?
Black cloud, those are the kind of thoughts that make me sad when thinking about death in general. You miss so many things and you bring so much pain to the ones who love you. But I also think that somebody making that decision despite being so loved and having children, must be suffering much more than we imagine.

Today I was teaching CH to my boyfriend again, but this time the idea came from him. In order to understand me a little bit, he decided to watch Dreaming, so I join him 'online' and through the msn messenger we exchanged comments while both watching it simultaneously. He likes the first videos, the songs need more listening for him to like them. Didn't care much for Sister Madly though. I think it's a fun song, but I forgot the effect of hearing it for the first time!
He's like a kid, now he has learned it's Neil, Nick and Paul, and to remember Paul's name, he has come up with a word: poliester!! I think Paul himself would've liked it!
Originally posted by Black Cloud:
[qb]I'm not going to pretend I knew the man because I listened to some CDs, so I can't stand in judgement, but how can people do that to their children? [/qb]
Because, like most mental illness, depression occludes rational thought when at it's worst. Try to imagine being so irrationally low that you feel that you've irretrievably let everyone that you love down, that no matter how hard you try there is no hope of salvation, to the point where you thought you'd be doing your kids a favour by shuffling off this mortal coil prematurely and you might get the tiniest fraction of an idea just how desperate a chronic depressive feels when the moment of so-called 'choice' comes.

In today's world, there's an enormous amount of pressure on men when they reach a certain age to have everything down pat and sorted. If, for whatever reason, a man feels that there are loose threads in his life, these thoughts can eat away at him whenever he is alone, endlessly circling round his mind. Imagine the thought processes inspired by the verses of 'Edible Flowers' without the lift of the chorus - steadily going further down, down and further down with an air of resignation. Add that to depression and you have a killer in your midst.

This is not the thread for harsh words, but please think before you judge the reaction to that which you have yet to experience.

Sleep well Hessie,

but how can people do that to their children?

I know nothing about depression, except my own experiences. I believe post-natal depression gave me a mere, brief glimpse into how some people must live their lives. How could somebody take their own life and leave a child? How could somebody take their child's life, without the consciousness of what their hands are doing? I once thought the practical way to quiet my infant, who had been crying non-stop for hours, would be to put a pillow over his face. Imagine if I had not realised what I was about to do for another ten seconds?
Three years on, I have a beautiful son, on my way to earning a degree, building a home, getting to know my family better, bull****, bull****.
I am fortunate, I am blessed.
Dear all.

This is my first and probably only post to this site. Where do I start? Like the rest of you I just cannot believe this has happened. When I heard the news early on Easter Monday I just could not believe what I heard and immediately thought it was some mix-up. It just seemed ridiculous � especially the suicide part. As the morning rolled on I started hearing more information. I had people staying over for Easter and I told them they had better go. I spent the rest of the day just staring out the window in a really weird state not being able to speak. I slowly started to take it in over the next few days and from the Tuesday through the next 10 days I just cried and cried and cried. I�d be sitting at my desk just crying and would have to go and lock myself in the toilets to get it all out. My husband has been really good with me. He has always liked CH but not like me � I absolutely adore them and have all my life. I was born in NZ and used to drive through Neil & Tim�s home town regularly. Now I live in Melbourne so the weight of this seems extra heavy as I am here where it happened. A couple of days after I found out I just sat in our lounge room with �Cant Carry On� (don�t know why I chose that one) over and over and over for hours with a box of tissues. Since that day I cant play their music anymore. It will never be the same. I used to be able to play their music whenever I felt like it but now its all different. What has happened to our safe and warm Crowded House? Paul has chosen to leave and now Neil is suffering � how can this be? My world has changed. On the day of Paul�s funeral I couldn�t leave the house. It was a rainy day and I just sat on my couch thinking about the funeral shaking my head as though this is all some stupid joke. I now know why I was so affected that day � I�ve since found out that Paul was buried only a half hour from where I live and therefore his coffin would�ve gone down our country road. I told my husband that I needed to go to �the park�. He didn�t want me to go but I just had to. I�d been sitting around thinking about it � where had Paul�s life ended? I needed to see it. So I went. On the day of his private memorial. I wasn�t ready for it. Even though the park is quite big, somehow I stopped right at the spot before I even knew where it was. I got out of the car, looked up and there it was. With flowers and candles. I don�t want to get into too much detail here but it just seemed all wrong. I said to my husband �this cant be right�. Its too close to the road. Its against someone�s back fence. It�s right next to the kid�s play area. God, its all too horrible. I just froze and couldn�t go any further. I just broke down crying. I turned around and got back in the car and cried and cried. I just kept thinking that when we were at our neighbour�s house for dinner on Good Friday laughing and drinking champagne, Paul was here, in this park�� . I just keep thinking about his dogs looking at him thinking "what the hell are you doing?" How long they did stay by him? We then headed back to St Kilda. I needed to be where the memorial was going to be that night. The �Private Function� signs were up. I walked up and down Fitzroy St crying and crying. My husband said �come on, we�re going, you have to stop thinking about this� and he was right. I was so sad and it was getting ridiculous. Going to the park helped me. The next day was the first day I didn�t cry ever since finding out about it. I promised myself I wouldn�t come back to this website as it just keeps bringing it all back. I broke my promise to myself and came back here yesterday and my eyes welled up. I just wanted to write this and now that�s it. Its time to move on. Even though that is near impossible. How can I ever listen to their music again? My favorite song Kare Kare has always made me think about death as its so haunting. Now I�ll never be able to listen to it ever again. How fitting that someone chose to play it at his memorial. When I watched Hessie�s Shed the other night I was in bed and I cried the whole way through and when the credits rolled I turned my head into my pillow and cried myself to sleep. How can I ever look at his face again? My greatest wish was to see the guys reunite as CH. Thank God I went to the The Finn Brothers in Melbourne in November where our beautiful friend joined them on stage � it was absolutely brilliant. When we left I started clapping to myself. My husband asked what I was so excited about. I said �I can just feel it, a reunion is just around the corner, we just have to wait a little longer�. Sadly now that will never, ever be the case. God that�s so sad. In a few weeks I want to go to the cemetery and take Paul some flowers. Only one other time would I have even been so close to him. At Neil�s first solo tour I saw him performing in Melbourne and Paul had brought a ticket and gone along. I was 3 seats away from him. I wanted to say something to him but didn�t know what to say. I wish now that I�d had the courage. I�ll have to say it when I see him at his final resting spot. I hope he�s finally at peace and I hope he knows how many of us absolutely adore him and always will. One thing I fnd so strange is that how could such a gentle, sweet creature do something so violent and cruel - to himself? Sometimes I get angry and think "how could you do something so bloody stupid?" but I dont feel that way for long as no-one has the right to judge him at all. He did what he needed to do. I hear people say things like "people who commit suicide are selfish" - what a stupid thing to say. They are the people who are being selfish as they expect these sad and confused minds to hang around and suffer. I just wish so, so, so much that we could somehow bring him back and that this all hadnt happened. But thats not the case sosoemhow we all need to try and get over this and try and just focus on the brilliance he's left behind. What a bloody fantastic musician and what a bloody gorgeous smile.

I love you Paul, and Neil, just rest and take it easy mate.

Hugs to everyone.

I�ll finish off with the most beautiful words I�ve ever heard sung �Total surrender, your touch is so tender, your skin is like water on a burning beach, and it brings me relief, and it brings me relief� � the way Neil sings that part, my God, my heart melts every time.
(Nails In my Feet)
Hi Nicky
I think you and I are sharing very similar feelings. I too have to lock my office door so I can have a good cry � but it doesn�t help � the feelings of despair and loss are just getting deeper and deeper.
Being here is Tassie is a blessing and a curse � I feel so isolated and alone over here � but that I am turning that isolation inwards trying to cope the best way I can. But maybe if I could visit his grave or something it would make it more real � I don�t know I am so bloody confused�.
My animals are a great comfort � I have walked many miles in the last few nights, just me by dog and my walkman and our beloved CH playing so loud it�s a wonder passers by can�t hear it (they must think this woman is strange, walking along with a dog, listening to a walkman and sobbing her heart out)�..I just don�t know how poor Lozzie, Polly and Wednesday will cope without their beloved Dad. I have a 14 year old dog and I know that if anything ever happened to me I am sure that he would fret as we have been a team just the two of us � long before partners etc came on the scene.
I was listening to CH music well before this tragedy and to start with it was a comfort � but now every time I hear a tune I cry AGAIN. I don�t know how may tears one person can possibly cry.
Life goes on � people are laughing all around me and going about their day to day tasks in their daily lives as if nothing has happened � I know this hasn�t effected everyone but I feel that I�m the only one here who is feeling this intense sense of loss � Selfish I know � if we are like this � how on earth are Paul�s girls and family and Neil and Nick and their families coping.

Annie May

Thanks for the hug - thank God I have an office door to hide behind because here I go again

Love always
You're not alone Annie May and Nicky - there are many of us here who share your despair and sadness and grief - and like you I too feel that if this is how I feel, imagine how his loved ones feel, and that just saddens me even more deeply, the tears jsut come and go during the day and at night - sometimes it's so lovely to watch or listen and see his beautiful smile and laugh, but then the grief just overwhelms me - I suppose that each and every tear that has dropped, from each and every person, not only signifies the pain, but also the depth of feeling and the love, and that amount of love being expressed for him must surely reach his spirit and soul, and I'm sure he can feel it.
I don't know whether there is a God or not, but I have being praying for his girls, and family and friends, and for him, and I do believe that collective prayer and love does have an effect - I guess thats all we can do.
Much love to you all
For Melbourne Frenz or visitors...the Arts Centre (Theatre's Building, Level 5 Mezzanine) currently has 3 of Mardi's Large B&W shots of Paul on display.

These were commissioned in 1990 for the Arts Centre Trust. They were part of our Crowded House (Rockbiz) exhibit all those years ago.

Over the next few weeks I've also ok'd for Paul's favourite snare drum, brushes/sticks and stage vest and maybe some other items to go on display in one or two of the glass tribute cases. All these items are from our Archives and it's nice to have them up as a tribute for Hessie.

Originally posted by Maeve:
[qb]a few days ago, he started off with the lyrics to Mean To Me, he got to, Now her parents are divorced... and looked at me expectantly ... there was just no way I could repeat those lyrics. sigh.[/qb]
Yeah...that line struck me odd for a while there, too...

Originally posted by Maeve:
[qb]Winterpumpkin (gee, where do I know you from? Smiler ) is it really so odd that so many of us were listening to something CH? Does a day really go by that it doesn't pop up on the playlist? I think we're all addicted! [/qb]
LOL, no, no, it's not strange that we were listening to them or watching their stuff or something like that-I expect that to be the case. It's just odd that there's so many stories of "Oh, I was just listening to/watching this right before I heard the news." I mean, it's one thing to have listened to them or watched them or something, like, a couple of days or so before the news hit, but, like with me, I was listening to their stuff that very night. Matter of fact, I had a CD that had a Crowded House song on it that I'd been listening to right at the moment I heard the news (that song wasn't on at the time, though, but it was coming up soon, and I had to stop the CD as it just seemed really eerie then (course, considering how stunned I was, even if I'd kept it going I wouldn't have done anything other than just sit there in shock)). And I dunno, it just seems really weird to me that that was the case with so many people on whatever day/night it was that they heard the news *Shrugs*.

For the past 2 weeks, I feel I've been on autopilot, since finding out about Paul. I have trouble sleeping, and I'm tearing up a lot. (I'm a sook, anyways)

Yesterday, I was overwhelmed at work (too much to do and not enough time) and while my supervisor was on the phone, I started sniffling and a co-worker asked if I was okay - I said I was just a bit stressed (I couldn't say the real reason.)

I haven't seen my friends (due to busy lives) for a while, and I wonder if they'll think I'm this obsessed person who needs to get a grip. However, I emailed a friend who came with me to the Finn Bros Canberra gig and she replied saying it was shocking about Paul's suicide.

My youngest brother was a Crowdies fan in the mid-late 80s - he had the self-titled and TOLM LPs, and he used to play them. We both saw Crowded House back in 1987 and I thought it was cool getting to see Neil perform. My brother had seen them on the TOLM tour (I'm kicking myself for not going, I'm a fool for that!) and got the sweatshirt with the volcano on the back - it's now mine. Smiler

My brother was supportive of my interest, he saw Paul, Mardi and baby Sunday at the Galleon at St Kilda and told me, he tried to get a magazine article about Neil from E-Bay. His birthday was recently (just after I joined here) and I rang to say happy birthday. I said 'Adam, that was sad about Paul Hester' and Adam said 'Are you okay?' I tried to rationalise and he said that he knew how much the Crowdies and Paul meant to me and it was okay to be sad. I started crying again, but knew my brother cared. Smiler

My sister-in-law went to Enz With A Bang at the Myer Music Bowl and saw Crowded House at the Palais in 1991, so she would have understood too.

It's important having my stuff here, and my CDs, but I still get weepy. I'm feeling that way now, and I'm sorry if I'm boring everyone.

I know how everyone feels, I really do.
When looking for CH artifacts last week, I stumbled across folders from high school nearly 17 years ago. On almost every page, in my imitation TOLM writing, were the words "Paul Hester". He was the centre of my world then....and he is the centre of my world again now. The past 2 and a half weeks have been a teary, emotional blur. From the moment I heard the news, an overwhelming sense of emptiness and loss has persisted. The tears have been frequent and unpredictable. He is the first thing I think of when I wake up and the last when I go to sleep.

Most of my friends and family do not understand the significance of Paul's death but I know that all of you do....he meant so much to so many of us.....thank you all for being here and understanding.

I felt compelled to drive into St Kilda the night of the public memorial. I drove past the hotel and saw everyone lined I wished I was one of them. Eventually I ended up outside the Elwood cafe Paul used to own, listening to extremely loud CH music, shedding many more tears and gazing up towards the stars.....

....we have lost one of the world's brightest and most beautiful sparks....and in my opinion, Paul Hester was and always will be the very best.

I love you Paul

Always have, always will

Winterpumpkin, I have been listening to that same song over and over. It's a newer one in my collection, but somehow the words are so beautiful and poignant right now in light of everything...

Reading over the posts again today, my heart is aching for all of you...Love&Peace was so right...I just hope you all know that you are not alone...I'm sorry there are some who have to hide their tears without anyone to share in their grief right now. Frowner As AnnieMay said earlier, there are no rules for when to stop crying (or when to stop being angry, sad, or when it's okay to start smiling for that matter). I'm sure there are a few of you like me who wishes there were at times, like somehow that would make it easier to know what comes next and when the hurt might end...just grateful there is somewhere to come grieve and share at whatever point you find yourself.

Gryphon, that sounds like a lovely tribute.

Wish we could all hop a plane, car, or bicycle and meet in Melbourne for a look and a global hug... Wink (How cheesy that sounds! Sorry Paul!)

Until then, my thoughts and best wishes continue to be with Paul's daughters, family, and friends.

And ofcourse all Frenz...

PS Hope you don't mind, but here's yet another quote (see earlier post) that I thought was especially beautiful...

"And we ourselves shall be loved for a while and forgotten. But the love will have been enough; all those impulses of love return to the love that made them. Even memory is not necessary for love. There is a land of the living and a land of the dead, and the bridge is love, the only survival, the only meaning."

Thornton Wilder
'Kay, I just listened to "All The Colours"-wow. The last few lines...yeah.

Originally posted by cumulo nimbus:
[qb] Winterpumpkin, I have been listening to that same song over and over. It's a newer one in my collection, but somehow the words are so beautiful and poignant right now in light of everything...[/qb]
*Nods* Exactly.

Hi everyone
Just had to share this experience...
After having a really heavy day emotionally � as can be seen from my previous posts � last night was a real turning point�
My nightly ritual since Paul�s passing has been to grab by beloved dog Jack, throw on the walkman and hit the pavement to the sounds of CH. It was the same last night � but as I began my walk there was an overwhelming quiet serenity, no cars, no people, no wind � just a stillness I have not experienced before.
The sky was covered with clouds but to the North there were areas of brilliant light. I couldn�t take my eyes off the sky and as I approached the old familiar tree atop the hill where I can see for miles � a feeling of calm and warmth enveloped me. At first it took my breath away, and my heart began to pound, but I allowed it to envelope by entire body and as I began to relax and take in the experience, a voice from wherever kept telling me that it was okay � that he was free and safe. At first I thought I was really losing the plot, but I continued to sit on the hill and listen to this voice � and as I did the lights to the North became brighter and brighter and the brighter they became, the more at peace I felt. Throughout the entire experience CH were still spinning in the walkman � but I really wasn�t listening to them until the lights became their brightest and all of a sudden Neil sang these lyrics at that moment:

�Never had the change to be wild and free
Roll back the tombstone � let the saints appear
Roll back the tombstone and make a new man out of me�

Well by this point I didn�t know what to think � so I took a deep breath, closed my eyes � and tried to focus on the music - at that precise moment of all moments my mobile phone rang �of course I didn�t answer � I thought how rude don�t they know I am having a �moment� � then I got a message �IS PAUL THERE� I don�t know anyone else called Paul � the number was withheld and they have not tried to contact me again�.until

Halfway through preparing this post � the phone rings with a withheld number and voice on the other end saying �IS PAUL THERE� I replied that they had the wrong number, and that I did not know anyone called Paul but they were insistent that Paul had given them this number and proceeded to recite my phone number� I don�t know what to think � I�m sure it�s just a coincidence ???

After the call last night it sort of bolted me back into reality, so I turned to leave the hill and return home � those damned lights seemed to follow me all the way home lighting my path and enveloping me in a feeling of safety and peace. I slept for the first time since I heard the news and I actually woke up feeling positive about the day.

I�m still not sure about the phone calls � spooks me a little but for the first time since Paul�s death I can see a light at the end of the tunnel.

Hope I didn�t ramble too much � but this forum has become like a lifeline to me as I cannot discuss my feelings of loss and bewilderment with anyone.

Just felt I had to share this very special happening

Love always
To ash1296,

How strange to think that both you and I were in St Kilda last Wednesday night both crying our heavy hearts out (see my earlier post of yesterday). I was wondering whether anyone else from the forum was in the area that night. If you saw someone driving a jeep along the esplanade bawling or someone walking up and down Fitzroy Street bawling - that was me. I thought I might've even gotten on television that night - I walked right past the My Restaurant Rules restaurant and they were filming and I just thought to myself "how bloody disrespectful" and they had the cameras rolling and I said through my tears "turn the f***** camera off you idiot". I know thats really harsh but man, I just wasn't in the mood that night!!! All these wannabes trying to get on camera and less than a block away was Paul's memorial. I just found that sick.


I was just looking at the icons we can put on our messages and they are so cute but none of them really fit the moment so just to be a little lighthearted for a change I thought I'd add this cute little one to try and brighten up everyones day.
This is my first post also. I have been coming here every day, trying to make sense of what has happened and taking heart in the fact that there are other people who are having similar feelings. Not an hour goes past that I don't think about what has happened and like many of you I almost feel 'silly' that it has affected me in such a strong way. I tear up at the slightest thing and am finding it difficult to cope with even the smallest amount of stress. The wonderful thing about visiting this forum is the fact that we can all see that we aren't 'strange' or 'mad' and we shouldn't feel guilty about grieving so desperately for someone most of us didn't know personally.
Because the fact is, in our own way I think we all felt that we knew him and at some point or another, Paul and the beautiful music he made helped us all through some tough time or quite simply made us smile.
Thank you Paul for all the wonderful memories you have blessed us with. I hope the tears stop coming soon, leaving me to smile when I think of you!

I got a reply tonight from the Port Phillip Council with regards to naming a street/lane after Paul.
I wasn't sure whether it was appropriate or not to post the response I received, but they seem very supportive of the idea.
If you'd like to see what was in the reply, let me know it's ok to post it here and I will.

Just thought you might like to know.


Sunday, that's quite the story you've shared there. Incredibly eerie, yes-particularly the part about the unexplained phone calls. Bizarre. But yet, it was very interesting, too, kinda nice, what with the feelings of comfort and peace and safety you suddenly felt then (and the part you shared where the lines from "Tombstone" came up just as those lights got all bright and stuff-talk about great timing, huh?). Thanks for sharing that story...that's one of the neatest supernatural type stories I've ever heard Smiler . Weird.

how fantastic it is to see how paul and the rest of ch have touched and continue to touch peoples hearts around the world.i live in scotland and sometimes feel crowded house are losing their importance in this neck of the woods.hessie was the greatest - a one off.

maybe in time the other members of the band might consider doing a tribute gig to paul.
BillyG - I think thats a great idea about the street name!! Yes, I would love to see what the council wrote back to you. I really hope this happens. What a nice tribute - hopefully it could be a street in St. Kilda somewhere as I cant think about St Kilda or go there now without thinking of Paul. Its so his type of town!! I always picture him walking up and down Acland St with his little bag of groceries. Please keep us updated on this.

Nicky. xx
To the moderators, if this is in any way inappropriate, please remove it, I will understand.


Here is the link I sent my feedback to...

Port Phillip Council Melbourne - Feedback form.

Here is the reply I got...

Thankyou for your correspondence in relation to the possibility of naming a lane
in Elwood after the late Paul Hester.

Paul Hester made a huge contribution to cultural and community life. It comes as
no surprise that people in the local community and elsewhere are keen to
commemorate his memory. We have received a number of emails and letters in
support of the idea.

Council officers will try and identify a suitable lane which could be named
after Paul Hester. Should such a lane be identified, a formal naming process
will commence. A report will be prepared for the Port Phillip City Council;
your support will be noted in the report. The Council will then decide whether
to start a public consultation process. The consultation process would involve
formal consultation with community members and other stakeholders about the
specific lane. The results of the consultation would then be reported back to
the Council for final decision. This process can take some time; it is unlikely
the consultation process would be completed before June.

Thankyou again for your correspondence. If you require any further information
in relation to this matter, I can be contacted on telephone 9209 6701.

Yours sincerely,

Allison Griffin
Team Leader Statutory Functions

Alli Griffin
Team Leader Statutory Functions
Governance & External Relations
City of Port Phillip
Ph: +61 3 9209 6701
I thought that was awesome!
I have to say it. I know youre all feeling like crap - but do you really think that's what a fun loving guy like Hessie would have wanted? Hell no! Come on guys - yeah he was awesome (still is!), and yes it was a damn tragic way to go - but you have to let the good be good and the bad go.

Im sure everyone that ever came in contact with this brilliant man loved him - you cant help but adore character and talent. It is unusual for these 2 to intertwine. It wasnt a waste - just think how empty our music lives would have been without him at all.

Depression is real. But so is life. Take strength from lessons learned and try, just a tiny bit, to concentrate on how this man was able to make you feel when he was alive. Let that be something that brings a smile to your face instead of a tear to your eye. We will always have him, be able to hear him - so dust off those CH albums (that was a trick - there should be no dust!), and hear those words and that awesome beat for what they are - the last bloody thing he would want you to do is stop listening to them! Lock your doors, have a good glass of red, turn it up, and ignore all noise complaints!

If nothing more - pick yourselves up for him looking down wondering what all the fuss is about.

Im sure I speak for all of us when I say that we send our best to his little angels, Sunday and Olive - and that someday we hope they understand that someone who was just known as "Dad" to them, was loved by so many.
Im sure I speak for all of us when I say that we send our best to his little angels, Sunday and Olive - and that someday we hope they understand that someone who was just known as "Dad" to them, was loved by so many.
Sacred Cow...couldnt agree more...but hell...I have just started crying again...
We grieve for Hessie openly...but then we remember those closest to just makes it harder.
At least we will never ever forget Smiler ...and thats the greatest legacy of all.

I have a question, I don't know if it's already been discussed in this thread or elsewhere but, does anyone know why Paul was so depressed? And about what? What could have been so bad to have made him sink so low in the depths of his emotions?

Also, who knew? I do consider myself a huge CH fan, but I had absolutely no idea that he had a dark side...I guess everyone does tho....I still can't believe he's gone Frowner
Other than rumours (which I despise) there are no clear cut explanations.

As many have said Paul had some very highs and some very lows.

It is not for us to speculate, none of us are inside each others heads. He had his reasons however hard it is for us to understand.

Today my house became home to two new kittens, Seymour and Hessie. I held Hessie's tiny little form in my hands and told it how she was named after the most amazing drummer, most amazing man. I filled up as I said the words.

The fragility of life is all around us.
Originally posted by pharmgirl:
[qb] No-one but Paul knows what was in his head. Taking guesses or speculating about it won't change a very sad situation.

Can we please keep on topic? That is, paying tribute to a very talented artist?

Thanks. [/qb]
Sorry pharmgirl...I did't realize I'd gone off the topic, since it was a question about Paul anyway....I never knew he had highs & lows, I was just asking a genuine question....Paul was a wonderful person
First, AnnieMay, I'm sorry to quote you yet again, but I just thought this was very well said...

AnnieMay said earlier in the thread:

�I'd just like to mention that as much as we all struggle to understand the whys and what ifs about Paul's last moments; these are perhaps for his family and friends to contemplate at a later date, not for us to speculate on in a public forum."

Paul was a wonderful, talented person and that is what has brought us all here together to share and pay tribute. I know for a lot us the unanswered questions are painful, but I can only imagine how painful it would be for those closest to Paul to begin speculating on the answers in a public forum. I believe, that when, or even if, we are meant to know the answers from their point of view (as it was said, only Paul really knows why), Paul's family/friends can be relied upon to give us the answers should they choose to do so.

I am reminded of this part of the Brian Nankervis tribute from The Age originally posted here by pharmgirl:

"So why did this happen? His friend Kutcha Edwards reckons it's none of our business and Paul was the only one who could tell us, so let's just get on with loving him and loving life."

Thank you Paul for making this life brighter. May you rest well. All the best to Paul's family, friends, and fans for the difficult times ahead...

Ever grateful to all of you...keep the tributes, reflections, stories coming! Wink
BillyG - that is just so great about naming a street after Hessie. I really hope this eventuates and if you hear anything about the formal naming day please let us know as I wouldn't miss that for the world. What a great tribute to a beautiful Melbourne boy.

In response to why was Paul depressed. Thats a bit of a shallow question but I think of depression/mental illness as - the body gets aches and pains, gets diseases, illnesses, cancer, etc and yet the brain is so unbeliveably complex and its all chemicals and messages going around and all sorts of strange things happening in there and all it takes is something to get out of balance and it effects the person. Its not a case of "oh, I dont like my job at the moment so I may aswell end my life". People describe it as demons and I believe thats true. I read somewhere that Neil said Paul was always fighting his demons. Imagine how hard it was for him trying to fight away these black, dark thoughts that not even he knew what they were or why they were there. People should not ask why or judge or try and work out whether the "reasons" justified his actions. He did what he did and there doesn't need to be any explanation.

Anyway, just thought I'd say that - I know it doesnt help anything. Were all still hurting like crazy.


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