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Alita, it's interesting, as many have said, that grief is such a personal thing and that everyone handles it differently. You are deciding to put all your CH stuff away to find closure, whereas, I have done the opposite...I have frantically rushed around my house searching for all my stuff and putting it out so I can see it. I want to have it around me. It's weird, I feel proud of it and I want people who come to my house to ask me about it so that I have another excuse to talk about the band. I feel like I belong in this CH community.

I hope your strategy works for you, I hope mine works for me...and I hope all you other frenz find a way of moving on. Huge thank you's to each and every one of you on this forum for being so open and honest and for feeling comfortable enough, within this forum, to share your innermost thought and feelings.
My mom got the latest issue of People magazine today-it's for the week of April 11th, and it has a picture of Jennifer Aniston on the front, 'cause it's talking about her divorce from Ben. On page 95 of that magazine, in the "Passages" section, there's a little bit that mention's Paul's death. I wish that there'd been at least a one-page tribute to him or something, though... But I just thought I'd let you all know anyway.

Wow so many posts already today that express much of what I'm feeling. Smiler I too watched Hessie's Shed grinning or straight out lmao. Smiler Paul was so full of energy so *into* the whole creative thing. And funny? That guy was bloody funny. For awhile though I could only think of one word - spunk. Spunk. Spunk. Spunk. He looked soooo cute!! Smiler

I didn't shed *too* many tears and I did feel it was an important moment for me, moving on wise. It was sorta the end of all these tributes in the media and I'd decided my last late night thinking about all of this. (kids need a mother with sleep)

I can listen to the songs without constantly crying, though I do struggle with anything on the telly.

But then this morning I found myself sky-gazing (as happens whenever I'm out the door these days) and there was just this ache you know? Yeah I'm not howling now, but the tears came back almost unexpectedly and there is this, *hole* - a "Hessie hole" as Beth put it so well.

Someone, some very important part of me, is missing.

"Whenever there is comfort, there is pain."
So many people have written such beautiful tributes to Paul, it's difficult to know what to add. I guess I'll just try and express what I'm feeling, like everyone else.

This is my first time on this forum although I was a "card-carrying" member of the Frenz for years - a long time ago now.

However my love and admiration for the Finn boys and the wonderful musicians and human beings they have made part of their extended family has always been a source of joy and inspiration in my life, through some pretty black times as well as the good.

Paul was such a big part of that and I am so very sad that such a warm, giving and lovely person was unable to find his way out of the despair he found himself in this time. I guess the human spirit has limits of endurance and the struggle sometimes becomes too much.

My heart goes out to his family and friends as they come to terms with this tragedy.

What is beautiful to see in this time of great sadness is how non-judgemental and accepting you all are of Paul's decision, however much it tears you apart to be confronted with it, you are finding ways to appreciate the gems of truth and clarity in your own lives that this pain reveals- me too.

I can't believe how sad I am about this and it's really comforting to visit here and be in the company of people who are feeling the same.

So thanks everyone for being part of such a great community.

Through losing this guy that we all know to varying degrees, and all love wholeheartedly, a gift is given and it's up to us to honour that.

There are lots of great memories that will never fade and Paul's life was a life well lived. He gave a lot of himself and so freely because that was his nature.

For all the warm fuzzies,laughs, moments of musical euphoria, good natured lunacy and sheer "human-ness" Hessy shared with us all, I will remain always grateful.

Rest in peace mate. We will truly miss you.
I too watched Hessie's Shed last night(if abc did a ratings check last night it would have gone through the roof).
As so many others, i was moving through everything until i saw him again.
Anniemay, we are on the same wavelength with spunk thing.
Paul was the first "band crush" i had, and his hair style never changed. And the first "serious" relationship i had was with a Paul.
I went to bed last night and gave my other have a big hug, we're all so lucky to be able to do that.
I didn't feel ready to add a post earlier but I've been reading what others have written and it has been a real comfort to see my thoughts and reactions mirrored by so many others, regardless of where in the world we live. The power of music, hey?

Paul is a part of the most sublime musical experiences I've had in my life. Friends I've lost touch with over the years have been in contact in the last week to reminisce about the wonderful times we've had courtesy of Crowded House.
"Remember the Festival Hall concert in '88?"
"Yes! But wasn't it '87?"
I know I've still got the ticket stub somewhere, but the year doesn't really matter. I'm just so grateful I was there.

Paul, thank you for the sheer joy you've brought to my life, and will continue to bring, through your music. You are sadly missed and will be remembered always.

My thoughts and condolences go to Paul's family and friends, especially Neil and Nick and all the members of the extended Split Enz family (I heard someone -- Mal Green, I think -- use this term on television and loved it). And to Peter Green, who does such a wonderful job looking after us! All the great things the fan club has made available over the years (video newsletters, live CDs) have really helped me in the last few days, bringing laughter instead of tears.

Typing this has made me feel a bit better (as will a donation to The Mirabel Foundation in Paul's honour).
Originally posted by AnnieMay:
[qb] But then this morning I found myself sky-gazing (as happens whenever I'm out the door these days) and there was just this ache you know? Yeah I'm not howling now, but the tears came back almost unexpectedly and there is this, *hole* - a "Hessie hole" as Beth put it so well.[/qb]
This evening, my family decided to go out for dinner. On our way to the restaurant, all I could do was stare at the sky. It was an absolutely beautiful evening, and I just kept staring at the sky and thinking about Paul.

And then, as we were sitting there in our booth waiting for our food, I heard the song "Have A Little Faith In Me" playing softly on whatever it is they play music on at the restaurants. That song, whenever I've heard it, regardless of whose version it is that's playing (as tons of people have done that song over the years), has always given me a rather strong emotion of sorts, but tonight when I heard it, of course, you know what my thoughts immediately went to, and I felt a lump in my throat right then and there. I managed to avoid crying right there in the restaurant, but boy, did I sure feel like doing so for about a minute or so then.

Like you, I'm not bawling nearly every second now, but there's still those moments where it just hits me all over again and I get a tinge of sadness. And I read that little bit in the People magazine over and over again-maybe as a way of trying to get it to sound natural? It didn't sound natural, though, no matter how many times I read it. Those words together just didn't sound right. Apparently, I haven't fully accepted that he's gone yet.

Ironically, Crowded House just came on my Launch station while writing this post-"There Goes God" is playing now. *Sighs*

Sunset Swimmer- and allSmiler
Wasn't the 91 Detroit show fantastic?! I was so grateful to hear there was someone else who had the club CD and loved it- for anyone who has the Detroit Rock City CD lurking around, listen to it for some great healing! The first thing you hear on the CD is Paul pounding out on the drums and Tim saying "This song is about Paul's first experience with masturbation" then goes into "This is Massive." Paul says "Thank you Tim" and Neil deadpans, "I didn't know that."
It just gets funnier, the band was so tight that night, and the sing alongs were fabulous.

Listening to the CD, you can just hear the fun these guys were having. Remembering the show 15 years later, I am still blissful about that night and melancholy for not having more of them. I am greedy- I still want more!

The Something So Strong track is especially meaningful now- Neil and Paul encouraging Mardi and Brenda to sing along from the backstage "I've been feeling so much older"... It was one big happy family that night. I was pregnant with my daughter Marley and always tell her that her first show was a Crowdies one. She is now this beautiful, creative and FUN girl and I'm going to give a little credit to the boys for rocking her in-vitro all those years agoSmiler
It has taken me far too long to post on this thread. When the news broke about Paul I was in London staying with a friend ready and impatiently waiting for the RAH gigs. When I read the news I realised i didn't have my password so I couldn't post. Mind you, I didn't really have the words to express anything at the time. And I don't now really.

So many people have put their thoughts (and mine) down on this thread that I would probably repeat a hell of a lot.

So I'll keep this short and simple.

I never expected Paul's death to affect me quite so much. It has taken me until yesterday to fianlly let it all out and it has helped a hell of a lot. To let go of that intital grief is the best thing I could have done.

Paul was also the heartbeat of CH for me too. Thinking back on it it's difficult to imagine anyone else in that seat, or simply Paul not sat there at the back doing his thing. Paul, Neil and Nick made such a beautiful joint soul in CH, and welcomed others in and realised that Paul needed to go. CH was the three of them, it wasn't a band of seperate musicians.

Sadly for me, thinking about Paul's death, it makes CH appear less real, a little like they didn't really exist.

I never got the chance to meet Paul but I really wish I had. There are so many wonderful things he alwasy came across as being and I'm sure he was.

To take his own life he must have hit an all time low, for want of far far better words, if that was the only option he could see. i cannot begin to imagine how he felt at that time or how his loved ones felt and feel right now. I only know how I feel and that is confused, upset and even angry, with a touch of bewliderment.

Wherever you are Paul I dearly hope you've found the answers and the peace you were desperate for. I only wish you could have found them another way!

Rest In Peace Paulo. The world is a little duller now you've left but I bet you're drumming up a storm elsewhere!

Okay not so short, but you never know until you get started.
detroit rock city - that was a beautiful post and it made me smile. I just wish I had a memory as good as that one. Winterpumpkin - I know what you mean about feeling better and then it suddenly hits you again. SInce Paul died I've been listening to a lot of CH and Neil Finn's solo stuff again and you are right, it is strangely soothing, always has been but especially at this time.

Hugs to all XX
Sadly, it seems that this has been harder on Neil than even we realised... see posting from


Following the tragic events of the past two weeks Neil Finn has been diagnosed as suffering from mental exhaustion and stress and is taking an immediate four week break from touring on doctor's advice. All remaining dates of the European tour have been postponed and will be rescheduled with new dates to be announced in the next few days. Ticket holders should retain their tickets until the new dates are announced. Please check regularly for further updates.

I was at the RAH concerts last week and this just makes me realise how strong the friendship must have been between Neil and Paul... amazed he was able to perform at all...

Sorry, I know this post is a little off topic, so if anyone wants to reply or talk about this further please go to either the Neil Finn or the Finn Brothers section...
Damn...Neil getting sick now...that sucks...although...not totally unexpected really...he and everyone else close to Paul must all be on auto pilot atm..Peter send me a lovely reply to an email I sent him and said he's off for a week...good...everyone needs to chill and replenish thier minds and hearts.

Totally off topic..I myself had a chance to think of other things today...had to have root canal surgery I in pain...I sat in that dentist chair for an hour singing ch songs in my
Would of much rather prefered another way to clear my head than that but hey...who said life was ever

Neil....take it easy mate...have a good break and recharge...we dont want anything happening to you.
Hugs to everyone Smiler
Miss you Paul. I hope you have found peace. Wish you were still here.

Do not stand at my grave and weep: I am not there,
I do not sleep,
I am a thousand winds that blow.
I am the diamond's gilt on snow.
I am the sunlight on ripened grain,
I am the gentle autumn's rain.
When you awaken in the morning's hush,
I am the swift uplifting rush
Of quiet birds in circled light.
I am the soft stars that shine at night.
Do not stand at my grave and cry;
I am not there,
I did not die.

at least I'm not the only one that feels like "oh, I don't know what to say, every time I try to type something, it won't come out" and that when we do show up, we start reading everyone's posts and crying our eyes out...

I wish I could watch all these Aussie shows you're all talking about.

I only got to see one Crowded House concert, Philadelphia 1990, 91? Woodface tour, anyway... we had horrible seats, next to last row and it may be just my poor memory, but I swear it was Paul that said We'll see ya on the bus! and I so wanted to go find the bus and my roommate said, no, I have to work tomorrow morning! And I would cheerfully have chucked her my keys and climbed on that bus!

My Woodface t-shirt is in tatters and any other t-shirt would have been pitched long ago...

I "discovered" Crowded House while on a long-drive vacation with two friends, one brought along the Temple of Low Men tape and introduced us to the wonder... then she went to pop it out and we protested and she said, we've listened to it three times already! The other girl and I thought, but it's not enough! She rolled her eyes, but let the tape in and when we finally got all the words to Sister Madly we let her pop it out.

My first visual encounter was not that concert, but concert footage from the State Theatre TOLM tour (that Sister madly clip from Dreaming) It was broadcast on MuchMusic and I taped it. it's nearly worn out now. sure wish I had a dvd of that concert, it's brilliant.

What impressed me was how much FUN they had singing these songs! And then there was Massive...Neil stands up there, babbling, This is...the incredibly huge, the incredibly warm, the wonderful, the very cuddly, the very marvelous, the very huge....penis, Massive... and then they go into it a bit, he looks at Paul and Paul just stops and says, it's a little bit fast... then Nick's feigning yawning. And Paul's just, doing what he did brilliantly, whacking the drums and then halfway or so through Paul yells SITTING DOWN and they all sat on their knees, but never once lost the beat! then they started in on Snake Charm Boogie and Paul's drumming on Nick's bass.

To me this was so wonderful, to find a band that could not only PLAY their song and sing them properly, they could also play around and be funny and warm and so very human. I was impressed by their openness and apparent and obvious joy.

And then I dropped out for a while, after Woodface...I got married and only found out about the break up way afterwards. But I was fine with Paul being in Australia. I figured if he didn't want to tour, he could just do something there and if we couldn't all BE there, then at least a dvd would be available...but he it was fine 'cos he was at least on the other side of the planet... and now he's not.

At the very least we have all the recordings and footage, so his brilliance won't be lost. And my four year old son ADORES anything SE/CH/Finn and demands to hear Take A Walk and Sister Madly nearly every day!

we have this game where I'll do lyrics and he'll finish them... yesterday he tried to get me to sing along to Mean To Me, he got to the line And now her parents are divorced... and waited for me to finish it, that was hard.

And now Neil's sick and Peter's Mum's sick and it doesn't matter that the closest I ever got was spazzing next to Neil after the concert, these people are part of the family I chose to have in my life.

All I can really say is sorry this is so long, but it all boils down to I love you all, no matter what.
ok, since I can't edit the last post I'll do another one...

I just wanted to add that there's a free chat thingy set up over at Gen's (boarderGurl) site:
Next Exit <----OFF-TOPIC FINN forum

I think that you can come in as a guest, if you like. Please note that since it's free it doesn't work with every browser and it's notorious for locking up and kicking you out... but it's there and it's been very helpful to all the Frenz over at Next Exit.

and I hope I didn't overstep my bounds or anything, if I did, someone please edit/remove this, k?
I wish I could've heard/seen all these concerts you guys are talking about, too! Times like these I wish I'd been older in the late 80s/early 90s.

Originally posted by sinfulangel:
[qb]Winterpumpkin - I know what you mean about feeling better and then it suddenly hits you again. SInce Paul died I've been listening to a lot of CH and Neil Finn's solo stuff again and you are right, it is strangely soothing, always has been but especially at this time.[/qb]
Mmhm. Exactly. It was a bit tough with some of the songs the first few days, but now it's switched from being hard to hear some songs to just being very reassuring, very soothing. I still can't listen to "Don't Dream It's Over" without getting a lump in my throat, though. And every time I hear a live version of "Throw Your Arms Around Me" that I have, I still cry. But other than that...

Originally posted by Helend:
[qb]we dont want anything happening to you.[/qb]
Yeah, no kidding-man, I feel so bad for the poor guy. But hey, he's read this thread, so if he happens to read that get well thread of his that's going on in his section...there's so many sweet, touching posts there from people, it'd be hard to NOT feel at least a little better after reading something as nice as that. I hope he's doing okay.

I'm not a very religious person, I have my own faith and beliefs. So too, I'm not a religious Frenz visitor...
I'm very isolated here in this small country on the other side of the world. The first I heard of all this was when my concert was rescheduled. It didn't seem real to me, I couldn't believe it!
I thought Paul was living a nice settled life in Oz. I was following Neil Finn and The Finn Brothers.
I can't believe he's gone! Not like that... Frowner
Crowded House was my first introduction to (pop)music. It was the first tape I ever bought. And they've meant SO MUCH to me ever since... They are and always will be a part of home (I lived in NZ at the time).

I have no words to console, I just wanted to say he touched my life and it is a great loss to loose him like this.

My love and condolences to all Frenz around the world!
Originally posted by detroit rock city:
[qb] Sinful Angel and all-
Wish you could have been at the Detroit 91 show too! Wish we ALL could have been there in one big galluping grinfest... it would make it so much easier for people now! If that CD is still around via Peter, give it a go- you can't help but laugh and laugh. [/qb]
hey, DRC! saw your post was a fantastic show! not only did we get, Neil, Nick and Paul, we got Tim and Mark too! so neat that your daughter was there in a way, too (love her name). ever since listening to my CD I've had Paul's voice announcing "Joe Duuuuuumaaaaars!" in my head nonstop!
The best timing Sunset... crappy day, happened to see your post just now and I'm feeling much better! Joe D. is still an iconSmiler

Thanks for the compliment on my daughter's name. A tip of the hat to Mr. Bob Marley for that one and it fits her to a T...

Weren't we just the luckiest to have been at that show? Really, truly- what a gift it was to have that experience. I can picture the whole CH group hanging at the Palace, drinking beer and cheering on the Pistons. Good on them for soaking up the local cultureWink

To everyone here- I really want you to know that the posts throughout have helped me move from the "what the hell just happened" phase to an overwhelming gratitude for Paul, Neil, Nick, Tim & Mark (and you posters!). It's so good to reminisce, laugh, cry, and talk about how these few guys made such an impact on us.
The following article about the Paul Hester tribute evening appears in today's edition of The Melbourne Age.

Parting note for 'Hessie'
By Patrick Donovan, Jo Roberts
April 7, 2005
Melbourne's music community celebrated the spirit and sounds of much-loved Crowded House drummer Paul Hester at St Kilda's Prince of Wales Hotel last night.
A shrine was set up left of stage with flowers, incense, candles and a bust of Bert Newton wearing a jester's cap. On stage there were two drum kits played by a revolving cast of drummers, including Hester's nephew Tom, during five hours of music and toasts from friends and former bandmates.
While Hester's former Split Enz colleagues Neil and Tim Finn were out of the country, Crowded House bassist Nick Seymour, Midnight Oil drummer Rob Hirst, Ross Wilson, Renee Geyer, Spectrum's Mike Rudd and Bill Putt, Deborah Conway, Nick Barker and Dave McCormack performed in his memory.
Members of Hester's post-Crowded House band, Largest Living Things, performed many of Hester's songs, including Crowded House numbers Italian Plastic, Skin Feeling and the poignant Kare Kare.
The evening started with some of the bands Hester recently played in and mentored, including Tarmac Adam, Blackfire and Deniece Hudson.
Kutcha Edwards played a tribute to Hester on an omnichord before being joined on stage by former Blackfire bandmates, including Grant Hansen.
"He was our brother, we loved him," Hansen said.
An upbeat Brian Nankervis invited the audience to spend 15 minutes swapping stories about "Hessie" then hosted the light-hearted part of the evening, as comedians such as Mick Molloy and Mark Little remembered their mate's wicked sense of humour.
More than 400 people attended the invitation-only event. Hester, who took his own life on March 23, was buried in a private service in Blackwood on Sunday.
The following article about Paul Hester appears in US on-line music mag The Pitch.

Don't Dream It's Over
The house just got a little less crowded and a lot more empty.
Andrew Marcus

Published: Thursday, April 7, 2005
Back in ye olde benighted 1980s, The Joan Rivers Show had some avid viewers among the ranks of us music lovers. Someone on the staff of the forgotten late-night talk show kept booking great bands. In fact, it was through Rivers that some of us discovered two of the best bands of any decade: Crowded House and Husker Du.
Melodic fireworks aside, the two broods seemed to have little in common -- the former, buttoned-up New Zealand pop purists; the latter, hardcore noisesmiths from Minnesota. But both crews had indispensable drummers with outsize personalities. And if a poll had been taken to guess which drummer would be found dead in 2005, most of the tallies would have gone to Grant Hart, Husker Du's resident heroin addict -- certainly not Crowded House's sunny Paul Hester, whom you'd sooner picture serenading his mates at a beach bonfire than alone in the dark, fixing his own demise.
It is, however, Hester who appears to have hanged himself on March 26 in a park near his Melbourne, Australia, home.
To Crowded House's obsession with midperiod Beatles, Hester was more than Ringo. Did Ringo ever strip naked onstage? In addition to penning and singing at least one great tune (1991's giddy "Italian Plastic"), Hester the Jester was the band's unfettered comedian. But he was also the rough interior of the band's polished sound, standing upright while hitting his spare set of pots and pans, lending skiffly intimacy and rock-and-roll propulsion to the band's calibrated pop. If not for Hester, it's tough to imagine the band having attained worldwide acclaim -- and a dedicated American cult -- by the time of its 1996 split.
We trailed the lads in the vain hope that their chemistry could be synthesized elsewhere. Bandleader Neil Finn's solo albums have their sweet spots but lack the soulfulness Hester might have lent them. Hester formed his own band, Largest Living Things, which produced only an EP of half-cooked folk-pop. But befitting his well-known geniality, the disc was sent out fully autographed by every member of the band. There's no telling exactly what did him in. What we do know is that there will be no Crowded House reunion, and the nonbiodegradable Joan Rivers will outlast us all.
Originally posted by Zan:
[qb] It was so good watching that episode again of Hessie's Shed. It was a sweet reminder of why we love those guys so much. I laughed my head off when Neil was telling the story of the fight him and Paul had in Milan. I'm still laughing. I'm not even sure why I find it so amusing but it was very funny. I, personally at this point feel refreshed and renewed from watching it. Probably because Paul was in his element and that's the way I like to remember him...... [/qb]
Likewise Zan, I loved seeing this show and hadn't seen it before. Great to see that Paul, Nick and Neil as close as ever and great to see Paul revelling in the moment.
I had just finished uni and was doing the old backpacker thing in '98. I was staying in Sydney in Oct/Nov and it was around this time that Hessie's Shed was first broadcast. The one thing that really sticks in my head was the bit where Hessie was talking about the time he drummed for Midnight Oil and his hands were so blistered afterwards he couldn't have a you-know-what, and that that was really unusual...!

I'm back in the UK now so didn't get to watch the repeat, so I'm not sure if that was the episode shown or not. It's not quite the same as being in Detroit in 91, but not a bad memory of that time nonetheless!

Poohbear said: �It has been really painful.�
Couldn�t have said it better myself. I find myself coming here over and over again trying to deal with this thing, this loss I�m feeling that I can�t quite fully explain. Here I am, compelled to write yet again, trying to wrap my brain around it. Finding such comfort in every post, knowing somehow it does matter to someone, and in fact, it matters a lot.

Something struck me today as I read again through all the posts, AnnieMay you said:

�I'd just like to mention that as much as we all struggle to understand the whys and what ifs about Paul's last moments; these are perhaps for his family and friends to contemplate at a later date, not for us to speculate on in a public forum.�
Such a good point. When I read Peter�s 16 Minutes, it hit me that those who are feeling the chasm of Paul�s absence the deepest may be reading our words here. I do so hope those closest to Paul will find forgiveness for any offence we fans may have caused as we all struggle and muddle through our own grief and loss. Peter if you are reading this, thank you for sharing your thoughts and feelings during those days�after seeing the clips of the RAH show, the loss was palpable somehow, I was feeling so down, just knowing how much pain you all must be in, it helped to know you were all together sharing your love of Paul, and your grief in his loss as he was finally laid to rest. Your words may be the only closure some of us a world away may get. I thank you. Also, if there is a chance that Neil is also reading this, I hope that you are healing and that the time away at home with your family and friends helps in that healing. I know I am not alone when I say we will be waiting for you, when and if, you are ready.(I know my husband and I couldn�t ask for anything more after you and Tim would come to Lawrence, Kansas (yeah, I know KANSAS) in February, after barely recovering from the flu no doubt, and giving us such a great show, a great memory, a great gift�thank you.) For all of those closest to Paul, I don�t know you, I didn�t know Paul, and I can�t fathom the significant loss you are feeling, but I hope you know that he made a difference to so many of us through his music and his humorous, fantastic character. I hope there is at least some small comfort in the heartfelt words here in the forum�

I met a New Zealander a few years ago, and being from the Midwest, where country and metal rule (hey, I�m not knocking it! When in Rome�), I had this notion that maybe not all people shared my love of all things Finn, so I very cautiously asked him about CH. I was bowled over by his response, �Oh my God! They are like the Beatles back home!�---he proceeded to tell me about the FWTTW Concert, the crowds of people there, and I just remember being so heartened to know these guys were getting the recognition they so deserved somewhere. In any case, not a great story, but I was reminded of it as I just saw a great quote from Paul. I just had to laugh. He said ��it�s pretty stupid comparing us to the Beatles. There were four of them. There's only three of us.� Big Grin

I was telling my mother about Paul and how surprised I was of the effect it was having on me. (She is a professional counselor, and has her share of knowledge regarding the �Black Dog�) I realized it�s not so surprising when you think that this art that Paul helped create has colored my life for so many years now. She gave me several great quotes to cheer me up, but in the end, I liked what she had to say best: ��some very unhappy people have left us some very beautiful things and maybe that was what they were meant to do while they are here. We don't get to keep them as long as we would like, but we get to enjoy their legacy and let them enjoy their rest.�

A big thank you again to all of you in the forum. I know there will be bad days, ups and downs, in the days, months ahead for many of us, but I�m grateful for the stories, the tributes, the realizations, the lessons, the memories, and the mere fact, you are all here, and somehow(�down the information highway�) we are together. Smiler

I�m kicking myself for not joining sooner. Thanks for the free �therapy�! Wink

Keep it coming and in the end know, it just takes�as long as it takes�

May you RIP Paul
Show the love ....I just want to rewind the clock. There is such a huge outporing here...It makes me want to call everyone I know and all the friends I havn't seen for years and tell them all what they mean to me. Life is so fragile..just breaks my heart and tears at my soul knowing there are so many in pain. So ,in memory of Paul lets show everyone you love the love!!
I have been reading everyones comments everyday and finally decided to join so I could reply. I 'found' CH only a few years ago. I have since been through 3 'Recurring Dream' CD's as I have worn every copy out. Im 20 so I dont know much about their history but I know that I was beyond words when I heard the news report confirming that Hessie had taken his own life. I am now trying to learn as much as I can about his life and reading everyones stories always brings a smile to my dial. I wish I could have seen a live performance to truely understand but I will have to settle for reading everyones stories. Thank you to everyone for sharing and thank you to hessie and the boys for making the music that has obviously touched so many people.

RIP Paul
Of all of the Finn Brothers entities I listen to, Crowded House are probably the ones I am the least familiar with(I'm working on that, though). Thus, I didn't know a lot about Paul, but I was actually stunned when I learned about his death in Entertainment Weekly. All I can say about suicide is, my grandfather hung himself in 1957, two days before Christmas. My dad was five-years-old at the time, but it still hits him.

As death hits different people in different ways, I really do wish the best for his family and friends alike.
hi, just got my membership, main reason was that i wanted to post my sympathy about paul leaving us, with a group that i knew care about their music and the people who supply it to us, especially ones that convey such emotions as the crowdies.
what can i say, my 1st memory of crowded house was 'the funny guy on the drums' in the film clips, obviousley the music grabbed me in an instant, but i don't remember where i was when i first heard them, but i do remember the first time i saw hessy, i just loved the guy.(i think it was something so strong, remember the paper plane wizzing past as paul jolts his head back with a classic look on his face, never fogot that).
its sad that such fun/funny people have to leave us, and wasn't he funny. i think he was probably the funniest man in entertainment NOT doing comedy. the laughs he gave me overshadowed his pro-ess on the skins, i loved the way he played the brushes, and i cant remember anyone else who uses them, i'm sure there are a few though.
i taped a segment on triple m last week that micky malloy got running on his show, it was a best-of of hessy, when he used to fool around on the martin/malloy show a few years back, started in late 90's, went for 3 - 5 years. he was an absolute pisser, i urge all of you to try ang get your ears onto this, if you do, the bits on when he filled in for rob hurst in a gig for the oil's and when he says he was giving hanson some advice were archive stuff. hope you all get or got to hear it.
i'm a solo singer/guitarist, and do covers (sorry), and learnt 'dont dream its over' properly last week so i could do a tribute at my gigs, and i have to say its probably the most satisfying song i've learnt. Thanks for the songs crowdies, thanks for the laughs Paul Hester.
R.I.P you champion.
And I will make it 1001 posts to get us over the fence. I have just joined this forum. I guess it is in tribute to a man and a band that gave me so much joy and light in my teenage years. For something that gave so much light to be ended in such darkness is heartbreaking.
A few years ago a friend and I went to a LLT gig in Sydney. She had met Paul in a shop that she was working at, and she mentioned that I was a huge fan. We went along and it was packed so didn't last the whole gig. When we left we stood outside and looked through the window near the stage where he was performing. He saw us, smiled and blew me a kiss. It was beautiful and will always stay with me.
Goodbye Paul and thank you.
It has taken me quite long time to find the courage to write, to find the words...As a long time Crowdie, I have to say that coming to this community has been like coming home. I was once many yrs ago a member of the fan club, and part of the TITM mailing list, but that was LONG ago! I had forgotten that Finnfans have always been so welcoming, friendly and supportive,and none more so that at this time.
Thank you so much guys, and it means a lot.

Coming here and reading, grieving, sharing all these experiences from everyone has been such great solace to me. Like many, I have been a long time fan, but also rather isolated-I have not told many of my friends, many didn't know who he was, don't realize what an impact Paul, and CH has on me.

It has taken the death of Paul for me to take a very sharp u-turn into Memory Lane, and only now do I understand how much they really "mean to me".
Only now do I appreciate that CH was the reason why I learnt to play the guitar, to sing, they were the first band I really paid attention to, my first 'music group' love.

When one of my best mates told me the news,
I was in a state of shock, even reading about it didn't seem real. I thought I might never listen to a CH song again, but after reading the posts here, I, like some others here, dug out all my CD singles, albums, DVDs and immersed myself in all things CH.
I even picked up my guitar again recently. It has been many years since I had a chance and a reason to do so. And the first tune to come to mind was 'Never be the Same'. As my rusty fingers strummed, the lyrics came back, but so did the tears and I could not even get the words out, but I kept playing, remembering the good times, and the concerts, (Anyone remember Fleadh '94? or Hammersmith Apollo '91?) and then it really hit me hard. He's really gone.

Soundtrack of my life, as many of you have said, and I couldn't agree more. Every song and every lyric sounds different now.

The other day at work, (I work in a coffee bar) I put on my Finnfrenzy playlist on my ipod.
A customer came in, and whilst waiting for his order, asked "is that the Finn Brothers?'
I immediately leapt out of the kitchen and said
'YES!'. Turns out he went to the RAH gig on the 30th, and was a bit of Crowdie. He told me that it was a very moving gig, Nick came on for the encore, and it almost , but not quite the CH reunion he was expecting, very poignant, veryy bittersweet.

I felt such a buzz to meet another fan, it really doesn't happen very often round my way. It really cheered me up, made me feel a bibt less isolated. i am unable to talk about it at work. They thought I was behaving strangely, but couldn't work out why. I did not bother to explain to them, it would take too long.

So many of you have reflected my thoughts here, I didn't think there was much left to say. I didn't even know this was going to be so long (or rambling! Eeker ) my 2c turning into $20, but hey. Sorry if I have been too wordy, I was going to write before and I didn't know to say. These words seem so ineffectual compared to those others have written.

There will always be a Hessie-shaped hole in my heart, it really is the end of an era.

And every time I hear you
Never be the same
And every time I mess up
Never be.....the same

Thank you for everything, you will be greatly missed, you will always be loved and admired.


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