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I've taken my time to write something here...but thats only because i havent known what to write. i was woken at 6 am by the sad news, one of my friends that knows me all too well broke the news, 3hours earlier when feeling a little down and not knowing why was listening to dont dream its i know why it is that i was feeling so down, Paul Hester and the music he's contributed to is indeed a part of me. The music has shaped me to what and who I am today. I'm glad i got to meet him and see how much of a genuine person he is. He will be missed. Condolences to all that feel the same as I do, friends, family, fans and fellow musicians.


just now i saw the words "Crowded House" in a news headline and immediately thought 'good video, vault release or something' and then read the absolutely shocking news.

terrible. god bless his daughters and family and peter and neil and nick and all who loved him. how devastating. period.

stunned here monday evening in the U.S. - been traveling and away from news until today.
I couldn't write yesterday when the news was still so raw, this seems surreal and I ache with grief, not just because Paul is gone but because of the knowledge that he must have been in such desperation and pain at that time.
We will not rememember you for this tragic end but rather for your wit, your music and your passion for living. Thankyou Paul, for all you meant to so many of us.
My condolences to all
The loss of Paul is indeed tragic. It is the saddest thing when someone feels the only, or best, solution is to take their own life. But so many of us know it is all too easy to end up in that place.

I think Hypnogun has hit on something really positive that could come from this loss - to make something beneficial rise from this tradegy. A great idea and one I hope that grows in remeberance to Paul.

Walk you path well, Paul. Find your own journey.
When I woke up this morning I was watching CNN. When I saw Paul's face fill the screen and heard the news of his death, I burst into tears. I have loved Crowded House since I was 14, when I bought the first album. They have been my all-time favorite band ever since. Their music made a huge impression on me, and is a part of the person I am today. I mourn for Paul and his family, as well as his "extended family", which as this forum shows, is huge and loving.
Dear dear Paul. Words can't express how I feel about this horrible horrible tragedy. I can't stop crying, I feel empty, I don't know how to deal with this. I feel so much for his two little girls, how awful for them. My thoughts and prayers are with them, his family, friends, the CH/Enz family. I hope that God helps his family and friends to get through this difficult time.

I heard the news on Monday morning. I was lying in bed with my husband, the TV was on, but i was still half asleep, not really listening. I heard someone say something about the Finn Brothers. I sat up in bed straightaway when I heard their name. That was all I heard, nothing else. They had finished talking about them. My husband laughed at me because my ears always prick up when i hear something about CH or anything related. Then about 5 minutes later the news was going across the bottom of the screen that Paul Hester had died. I bolted upright in bed and screamed, 'OH MY GOD' 'OH MY GOD'. That was all that was written on the screen. I ran to connect to the internet to find out what the heck was going on and came straight here.

I am absoulutely devestated by this, as I know that everyone else is too. I have been watching Music max for the past 2 days and think it is really nice they are doing such a great tribute for Paul. Even though it is starting to repeat, I feel so guilty if I don't keep watching. I feel if I stop watching that i am being disloyal.

Crowded House music has meant so much to me, got me through so many difficult times. Now when I listen I just cry. But I can't drag myself away from the TV.

I was saying to my husband last night that you know a band is truly great and special, if they can move millions of people with their music. How true this is. Crowded House have made their mark on so many people through their songs and lyrics. I can be quite certain that not a lot of bands have done that. Crowded House have meant so much to so many people for many different reasons. From what I can gather here from the messages, their music has got many people through a lot of things. Their music has always been my safe haven and cheered me up.

Paul I will miss you so much. I will always remember you for your smile, your wit and infectious personality. Listening to Crowded House music now is very sad. In time, I hope I can listen to it with happiness again.

I hope you are at peace now Paul, and I hope you look down on us and see how much you meant to the world.
My wife just told me that she heard Paul had passed on the radio this morning. I am so completely shocked and saddened that this great player with so much talent and spirit has taken his own life. I feel as bad as when the great Stuart Adamson of Big Country committed suicide in late 2001. Both of these men made music with my favorite bands and created art that has had a profound impact on my life. Paul�s untimely passing is therefore much more devastating to his family and to those who knew and loved him. He will be in my thoughts and prayers; and as a drummer and fan, I am grateful for the musical legacy he leaves behind. For those who were fortunate enough to see him live with Crowded House, it may bring a smile to your face to remember his tremendous sense of humor on was unforgettable.

Phillip E. Hardy
Hypnogun, I'm with you. I posted this info in another thread, but I think it's worth repeating. I've made a gift in memory of Paul to NARSAD, which funds a lot of depression research. You can donate here. Doing so--doing something--has made me feel a little better. I also lit a Yahrzeit candle last night. This is a small candle that burns for 24 hours and in Jewish tradition is burned on the anniversary of a death. Coming home today to find the candle still alight was a comfort.

As others have said, I'm very, very grateful to have all you guys out there who understand...

I don't think I can say what hasn't already been said. I was so shocked and saddened, like everyone else, to hear this news. Thoughts and prayers are with family and friends.

I am a relatively new fan and I so regret that I'll never get to see Paul, who was from all accounts vibrant and wonderful both on-stage and off.

Paul, you'll be sorely missed. Thanks for all the joy.
So many people here have touched on the reason I have to visit and post again today.I am grieving. Yet I feel almost guilty - who am I to be upset about this? Who am I to be completely gutted and constantly crying? For god's sake I didn't even know the man. But I am. I haven't cried like this since a member of my family died. I haven't felt like this. It is raw and real and bloody painful. The knot in my stomach has become an ache in my chest. I am crying again now.

I got teary as CH came on in my car this am, but then Italian Plastic started and I just lost it. Why do I feel this way? I went on a big walk around a beautiful lake, singing "When u wake up with me..." , to my daughter all the way. I have gone through waves of sadness then anger, like " no! I don't want him gone! " Then I thought that I needed to come back here - I think I need a wake you know? Where I can laugh and cry and share, without feeling like a weirdo because I have never even met this person.

And yes, I've had the stereo drowing out the neighbours too and in the car through town, and the 25th time I listened to Italian Plastic I could even sing it really loud, without my voice breaking! Sometimes I smile but that doesn't last, mostly I cry.

This really hurts. I'm so glad this forum is here.
My thoughts too Semi-Detatched...

I find Together Alone to be quite comforting at the moment...

Together alone
above and beneath
we were as close
as anyone can be
now you are gone
far away from me
as is once will always be
together alone

anei ra maua (here we are together)
e piri tahi nei (in a very close embrace)
e noha tahi nei (being together)
ko maua anake (just us alone)

kei runga a Rangi (Rangi the sky-father is above)
ko papa Kai raro (the earth mother is below)
e mau tonu nei (our love for one another)
kia mau tonu ra (is everlasting)

Together alone
shallow and deep
holding our breath
paying death no heed
I'm still your friend
when you are in need
as is once will always be
earth and sky
moon and sea
Like all those who�ve already posted I pass on my deepest sympathies to all those whose lives Paul touched.

As I was driving along on late Friday afternoon around the time Paul was last seen, I looked across Melbourne�s bay and saw the sun�s rays shine in all directions through the clouds. A friend once told me that she called these �Fingers of Love�, and on Friday they looked as spectacular as I have ever seen.

Tonight I�m lucky enough to be going to see an intimate gig with Mark Seymour and James Reyne � I imagine it will be a fairly sombre occasion given the association, especially with Mark.

I was fortunate enough to see Paul on stage twice � the first being at the Esplanade in St Kilda filming an episode of Hessie�s Shed in 1998, the second being when he jumped on stage with the Finn brother�s during their tour last year. Both times it struck me just how much he loved entertaining people and I feel grateful to have witnessed this first-hand.

RIP Paul � thanks for all memories and all the laughs.
Following on from the previous post take a read of this. I did know that Depression or mental illness is real but i had no idea it was THIS BAD in our society.

Below is an extract that i found on the Daily Telegraph's own website.

..."Statistics reveal 70 per cent of Australians who commit suicide are suffering from some form of depression. Between 1998 and 2002, more than 3800 people committed suicide in NSW � the main cause of death in the state, ahead of car accidents."

The full article can be found here

MORE suicides than car accidents .. and we know just how many car accidents there are each night, as god only knows that a night doesn't go by on the news when we don't hear of a fatal car accident. But hardly any news at all regarding deaths related to suicides. Suicide and its discussion is still treated as a taboo in this country & the walls need to be knocked down!!
a. when i was 14 years old i shaved my temples to imitate paul's receding hairline...i was told i looked like i'd just had a lobotomy.
b. i was fortunate enough to be at one of their first gig's in australia - at a new year's eve special taped for the abc's rock arena in the mid 80s. i was awestruck. i think his parents were there (or maybe they were nick's) and he gave me his autograph. i still have the tape and you can see me in the background.
c. i was also fortunate enough to see tarmac adam last year at the corner in melbourne. laurie zion was there. true to form, paul remarked that on the previous night he'd had roast duck for dinner, "a cup of tea...a quick wank and off to bed"...he was wearing a straw cowboy hat and thick black glasses.
d. i loved it at crowded house gigs when paul came to the front of stage - where he belonged - with his snare drum, a cymbal and brushes.
e. their concert at expo 88 in brisbane was washed out, so i came back the next day for the re-run.
f. he was my hero, and i'm beside myself with grief...
g. please please please, can somebody please organise a paul hester tribute night somewhere in melbourne this week.
My condolences to all, especially Mardi and the girls, his family, Tim, Neil, Nick and Peter.

I was introduced to Paul & CH through my sister when I was only quite young as she had been listening since their Enz days. They were truly magical!!! I used to crack up everytime I saw them perform as Paul usualy did something that was totaly from left field!!

I was lucky enough to be at Farewell to the World, and this is how I choose to remember Paul, the great Entertainer that he was. I choose to ignore all that is going through the media today in regards to his personal life, it is not relevant. He is no longer with us, they have reported that, I now hope they let him RIP and allow his friends, family, loved ones and fans mourn his passing.

May his memory live on through his daughters and in our hearts.

We'll miss you Hessie!!
Thankyou Brebbles for that beautiful image.

I feel very homesick for Melbourne. Yesterday was cold and as I looked at my sky so far away I was thinking Melbourne would be cold this morning, fog probably clearing to a crystal clear Autumn day where the sun is warm but the wind is chill. Off the Elwood foreshore the sea would be sparkling blue, or perhaps its one of those days where its still, more like a lake than an ocean, and the fog clings to the water shrouding the bay in a damp mist of grey. Then again, maybe its raining in Melbourne today...
It's strange to be crying over someone I never knew or was even in the same room as, but Hesto was such a likeable person. Not arrogant, yet so silly. It has got me thinking about some bigger things, and I wrote this on my blog this morning:

�It's all sweetness and lightness that you bring
and a room full of people fall to your infinite charm
but when darkness should quickly descend
you go quietly, my miserable friend
to the depths of despair you will crawl
black and white boy�

The drummer out of my favourite band, Crowded House has committed suicide. Hesto was a wacky performer. Full of camp energy and silly humour, he livened up the stage and was like everyone�s silly older brother. As someone who completely obsessed over his music for many years, I feel very sad that Hesto was so depressed that he decided to take this step. I never knew him, but I have a sense of loss.

Deborah Conway described him as �an acute observer of life�, and she suggested that this sometimes contributed to his depression. A lot of songwriters and musos suffer from depression. (Hesto�s bandmate, Neil Finn has bipolar, and I would always have expected that if anyone was going to top themselves, it would be him, not the ever-effervescent Hesto.). I think that in many cases it is for this same reason.

People who write songs have strong creative talents. Many of them are completely �loony�. What we call �insanity� is often a case of someone seeing the world in a different way to the way most people see it. This can go to extremes like schizophrenia, where perception of the world is completely out of synch with everyone else�s perception, and there is a whole continuum all the way back to a mundane view.

I think it would be hard to be creative if you weren�t a bit insane. To write something interesting, something that will make people listen to what you have to say, you need to have a distinctive take on life. Lyrics are often simply observations of life. We all observe life, but most of us don�t have observations that are particularly different from anyone else�s. A songwriter is someone who watches for the nuances of life. S/he is someone who notices little things that other people don�t. They stop to think about why someone does something. They contemplate people�s motivations. They ponder deeply how people think and operate. And because of this, they are able to comment on things that the rest of us take for granted.

This acute observation of life can manifest through songwriting, through philosophy, through blogging, through poetry, through art etc. But this acute observation of life often leads �depressive� people to think deeply about the darker side of life. On the one hand, they might deeply value the kind motivations behind a good deed. On the other hand, they can get really stuck on the horrific-ness of the world.

If you�ve never been through true depression, there�s absolutely no way you can understand it. It�s a whole other headspace, where everyday logic and reason have no place. A new logic consumes the person and takes on an air of complete normality to the depressive. If you�ve ever been completely drunk, and lost complete control, that goes a little tiny way to explaining how consuming this new set of rationality is. But you�re still not even close.

To someone who�s never been through depression, Hester�s suicide might seem selfish. He leaves behind two young children who will now have to go through the most horrible ordeal of growing up without a truly great father. How could he do that? When you get to this sort of low ebb, it seems that you are actually doing your family a favour. You go through a thinking process where it becomes completely clear that you are a negative force on the world. Any good deed you�ve ever done seems like a fleeting, unimportant event, something that cannot outweigh the enormity of all the bad influences you have on the world.

Everyone has people in their lives who have had to make the occasional sacrifice for their sake, and when you�re depressed, suddenly this consumes your thoughts. You start to think �how can I be worth that sacrifice? I am not as important as that person. They deserve better. If I were dead, they wouldn�t have to make any more sacrifices for me. They would be sad for a bit, but in the long run, they will be happier if I am not placing such a burden on them�. And this is how it is possible for a depressive to reason that they should commit suicide for everyone else�s sake. It is often the opposite of selfishness that compels a person to suicide.

Of course, they are wrong. We all have people who make sacrifices for us, and that�s what life is about. We all need other people and we even all need to make sacrifices for others, because doing something for someone else, particularly someone we care for, is something that makes our life fulfilled. My mother takes great pride in doing things for me and she would give her life to save mine, I know. Equally, I get great enjoyment of doing things for her and I would risk life and limb to defend her too. We all need each other. When you�re depressed though, that is usually something you can�t see.

So if there is any purpose to such a tragedy, perhaps it will be that the taboos of depression and suicide will be lifted a little in our country. It is a major problem and we need to address it. Yesterday, Hesto�s family and friends suddenly found it was someone close to them who became the guy who died this way. Tomorrow will it be yours?

You�d be amazed how much it can help a depressive person just to know that others care for them and are happier with them around. So talk to your friends and family and let them know what they mean to you. Because tomorrow, they might go walking their dogs and never come back�..

�In his soft wind, I will whisper,
In his warm sun, I will glisten
Til we see him once again,
In a world without end�
Like everyone I was so devestated to hear the terrible news about Paul. I still can't believe it and my heartfelt thoughts go out to Paul's family and friends at this very sad time. I've been a fan of Split Enz and Crowded House for many years and when I was a member of the Crowded House Fan Club back in the 80's they sent me an autographed picture of Neil, Nick and Paul. I will treasure it always.
I heard the sad news on the untimlely tradegy on the news this morning. Paul was such a gifted and fantastic musician, a funny guy a family man and seemed to me such a great man to be around. Like most of us here I am shocked and sadnned by his passing.My sincerest condolences to is family band members and closest friends. RIP paul
Hi all, i am deeply saddened by the news that Paul has gone. As a long time fan of crowded house and split enz it tears at the heart when one of your much loved band members dies.

My thoughts and prayers are with the family, friends and loved ones through this difficult time

God bless

Philip Broadfoot (age:34 from Auckland, New Zealand)

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