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Well - Excuuuuse me! I was just trying to be hateful - and don't rain on my hateful parade with your positive reviews of the parade!!! (kidding - as you know)

I used to be thankful that the balloons were so reliably tatty - I'm telling you that Kermit balloon spent Demi Moore-like sums at an exclusive spa during the 12 years he was away. He's not fooling anyone!
I was awestruck by the number of irrelevant floats and people they manage to put together every year...kind of like...

"...and here we have, strutting proudly down the avenue, a float depicting an entire flock of pink flamingoes, and wait, there's someone on top of the float with the flamingoes....hey! It's Marilyn Manson, going to share a holiday hit from the broadway musical 'Felching Under the Stairs.'"

"...and the next float looks like a big pizza with dancing pepperoni's and olives...sponsored by Buster Brown shoes and starring TV's Fred Savage!"

I struggled, I mean, REALLY struggled to find anything in the parade I thought was truly cool, not forced and not a marketing ploy. I liked the Dickens float with F. Murray Abraham as Scrooge, but only until I found out they were promoting a show....

Hey Macy's, here are some float ideas for next year that would be truly cool and/or amusing:

1. A Lord of the Rings float, complete with Hobbiton and a waterfall, sporting Elijah Wood, Liv Tyler, and Neil Finn and band playing their new holiday song.

2. A float that looks like a huge toilet, sponsored by Ty-D-Bol, with Chuck Woolery sitting on top of it, dressed as a captain, playing the Ty-D-Bol man and singing "It's the Most Wonderful Time of the Year."

3. A huge, mechanical Snuffle-upagus vehicle (or alternatively, the vacuum cleaner from the Teletubbies...) with a bunch of little kids on its back. No stars. Just little kids.

4. Pope John Paul II and his entourage, or some broadway people enacting him.

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