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Reply to "The Things that my Boyfriends/Girlfriends taught me..."

Sounds like Brandi needs a trip to Vermont! Wink Brandi, surely your state would recognize a standard civil agreement? I thought any two people can be enjoined in any voluntary civil agreement, for any reason...it'd be more of a property thing, but heck, so is marriage!

Given my own experience, I agree some with Deb, and some with James. Would I have fared better with a pre-nup? Possibly, had I not been dealing with someone who in my personal opinion (disclaimer, my own opinion not based on any official diagnosis which may or may not exist) was mentally ill...it might have held water.

HOWEVER, my case falls more into the category of what James was saying, about having to spend thousands in legal fees for enforcement because my experience is one where my opposite party has DELIBERATELY shirked court orders in order to drive up my fees (out of spite). If I think about this too much, it could drive me nuts...but I've easily spent $35,000 in legal fees over the course of five years...money that SHOULD have been spent on my kids' education, and that absolutely infuriates me. (Obviously though, there are significant other issues like protection, custody and harrassment present, or I would not have spent that kind of money to force payment of the mere $4,000 in debt we accumulated.)

SO. Is a pre-nup wise? Probably. But can agreements and orders only go SO far in protecting you? Yes, definitely, I'm proof. In my mind, better than a pre-nup is a $29 background check. You can find out about someone's credit and criminal records...often enough to tell you right there whether this is someone you should even become involved with. THAT'S what would have saved me.

With Jay, we mutually felt that to have a pre-nup was to build our marriage on the idea that it might fail. I offered to sign one for him, as he makes (and owns) significantly more than I do. He very generously refused. But...in the end...divorce is just not an option for us because with the kids, there's too much at stake. And I realize that sounds silly, because nobody ever gets married thinking "I'm going to divorce your ass in two years." I guess it's just difficult to explain how I can feel this way after being burned once. I think I'm OK going without BECAUSE I've experienced that even with a court order or agreement in hand, you can still end up with the short end of the stick. So why not plan for the best.
    All times London, UK.

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