What is your favorite insulting phrase?

I've heard a few good ones lately, and would love to hear some of yours. Here's some-

You're so old you can remember when the Dead Sea was just ill.

How does it feel to wake up in the morning an know you have already lost?

You're so stupid, it takes you two hours to watch 60 minutes.

You have no equal. Everyone else is better.

Why don't you get a glass belly button, so when your head is real far up your butt, you can look out and see what the rest of the world is up to.
 
um, i like "moooove!"--- ripped from a saturday night live thing. (dan burns, your company's computer guy! i have that much patience, eek)

and "i know you are but what am i?" of course, done in pee wee mode, with laugh and all...

and "*&^% you and the horse you rode in on" ripped from george carlin (my hero).

~~all my best one liners, ripped from comedians, doh! doh!! there i go again (was that steve martin??)

anyway, i've never been good at "insulting lines". if i strive to do that, it's more of a rant. but i'd rather not recall all that right now Razzer
 
Like Like (0 likes)
Permalink
Heard last night:

"You've got an ass that won't quit, judging by it's size."
 
Like Like (0 likes)
Permalink
Ah so many favourites and not enough space!

I'm not taking advice from you, you can't talk to 21 unless you're naked

When they made you they broke the mould, but some of it grew back

Go out with you? I'd rather lick the floor of an abatoir
 
Like Like (0 likes)
Permalink
One time, I went to see a musician who had a loud, drunk lady in the front row. This lady had a blonde wedge haircut parted right in the middle. After awhile, she got so obnoxious that the musician turned to her and said, "Madam, your hair is lovely. It looks just like a thatched cottage." I've never forgotten that one...it was CLASSIC!

Another classic one...my son was dressed as Captain Hook (from Peter Pan legend) for Halloween. We approached one house where the heavily pregnant lady who came to the door was wearing a blue-and-white horizontally-striped shirt. She gives him the treats, and not missing a beat, he yells (in pirate voice), "Thank you, Mister Smee!" (I almost peed myself...)

My current favorites are "Ass-Hat" and "Ass-Clown." They pretty much say it all.
 
Like Like (0 likes)
Permalink
Oh, don't worry. When I want your opinion, I'll GIVE it to you.
 
Like Like (0 likes)
Permalink
I've forgotten more than you'll ever know.
 
Like Like (0 likes)
Permalink
Are you always this stupid or are you making a special effort today

Don't let your mind wander - it's far too small to be let out on its own

He doesn't know the meaning of the word "fear" - but then again he doesn't know the meaning of most words

I don't know what makes you so dumb but it really works
 
Like Like (0 likes)
Permalink
There isn't a postage stamp commemmorating you because nobody would lick it.

Somewhere, a village is looking for its idiot.

How many times do I have to flush before YOU GO AWAY?
 
Like Like (0 likes)
Permalink
"I know someday you'll make a man very happy, then he'll zip up his pants, leave $20 on the dresser, and forget to close the door on his way out."


"You're breathing my air. Stop it."
 
Like Like (0 likes)
Permalink
"Cram it, Ma'am." - Nelson Muntz, "The Simpsons"

simple and elegant.
 
Like Like (0 likes)
Permalink
I like to just say "Yahhhh" in a really annoying, condescending Minnesota accent...

Another favorite that's 10 thousand years old, but I still love is "Hello McFly!"
 
Like Like (0 likes)
Permalink
your so ugly you'd make an onion cry....
 
Like Like (0 likes)
Permalink
When the kids describe something stupid, they say it takes the short bus. Not politically correct, but amusing.
 
Like Like (0 likes)
Permalink
You're ugly, and your mother dresses you funny.
 
Like Like (0 likes)
Permalink
Everyone has one, you don't need to be one. (I use that driving a lot)

Geddy, that avatar is taking me right back to some of the Dead shows I have been to. I am twirling as I type this.
 
Like Like (0 likes)
Permalink
Whoa. Off topic, but Geddy, I think I summoned you.
 
Like Like (0 likes)
Permalink
quote:
Originally posted by suenotsusan:
[qb] Whoa. Off topic, but Geddy, I think I summoned you. [/qb]
Uh, yes? How may I help you?
 
Like Like (0 likes)
Permalink
Hey I'll try to remember some:

"You�re so fat when you lay on your bed your belly hungs on both sides of the bed".

A Spanish and very simple one:
"Dumber and you ain�t born"

"There was some one more stupid than you but he jumped off a bridge"

"You ain�t more stupid because you don�t rehearse"

"You are dumber than the the one who was very dumb"


No more by now
 
Like Like (0 likes)
Permalink
quote:
Originally posted by geddy:
[qb] [QUOTE]Uh, yes? How may I help you? [/qb]
Oh, so many ways...

By summoned I meant "conjured". I was typing about you at the same time that you were posting. Cosmic dude!
 
Like Like (0 likes)
Permalink
quote:
Originally posted by suenotsusan:
[qb]
quote:
Originally posted by geddy:
[qb] Uh, yes? How may I help you? [/qb]
Oh, so many ways...

By summoned I meant "conjured". I was typing about you at the same time that you were posting. Cosmic dude! [/qb]
So many ways, huh?

Ah, I now see what you mean by conjuring. Cool

I had a lava lamp avatar I was gonna use, but figured this one was wild enough for the time being.
 
Like Like (0 likes)
Permalink
"Why don't you go outside and play a nice little game of hide-and-go-f***-yourself?"

I love that one!
 
Like Like (0 likes)
Permalink
Geddy, you're such a nice guy. I'd never have suspected a mean streak...

My mom's favourite is: you couldn't think your way out of a wet paper sack. Or, You're as sharp as a bag of bread... You're a few sandwiches short of a picnic... there's a million aren't there...


Whoa, dude, stop the flashbacks man...
 
Like Like (0 likes)
Permalink
You look like a side dish nobody ordered.
 
Like Like (0 likes)
Permalink
Some more good oldies: They're a few slices short of a loaf, They're a few eggs short of a dozen...Or they are so dumb, they couldn't find their a** with both hands...

I know, I'm terrible at slamming people...
 
Like Like (0 likes)
Permalink
"She's a few Gucci's short of an Oscar goodie bag"
 
Like Like (0 likes)
Permalink
quote:
Originally posted by suenotsusan:
[qb] Whoa, dude, stop the flashbacks man... [/qb]
Sue, Sue... You need to relax. Wink I mean Jenn has Starsky and Hutch as an avatar, and you're givin me a hard time about flashbacks? Big Grin
 
Like Like (0 likes)
Permalink
Starsky and Hutch don't fire any dormant synapses in the brain. But I'm mellow.
 
Like Like (0 likes)
Permalink
quote:
Originally posted by geddy:
[qb]
quote:
Originally posted by suenotsusan:
[qb] Whoa, dude, stop the flashbacks man... [/qb]
Sue, Sue... You need to relax. Wink I mean Jenn has Starsky and Hutch as an avatar, and you're givin me a hard time about flashbacks? Big Grin [/qb]

"Hey, we may be from the 70's and dress funny and all that, but we have a cool car and we get lotsa chicks!"

edit: Sue, you are feeling very mellow, don't fight it, relax...
 
Like Like (0 likes)
Permalink
Is this psychadelic enough for you Sue! Wink Big Grin Big Grin
 
Like Like (0 likes)
Permalink
omigod! That in and of itself is bringing back the smell of naugahyde.

 
Like Like (0 likes)
Permalink
Get back on topic before I have to pull something outta this afro! Wink

Ps. Do you think it was in David Soul's contract that he always had to be on the right side?

Dammit, now I'm off-topic.

Ok here's one-
"Ya know, it's obvious to me you suffer from cranial rectal inversion."
 
Like Like (0 likes)
Permalink
Originally posted by geddy:
quote:
Do you think it was in David Soul's contract that he always had to be on the right side?
Razzer That's so funny I forgot to laugh! Razzer
 
Like Like (0 likes)
Permalink
I know you are but what am I?
 
Like Like (0 likes)
Permalink
"I would stay here and match wits with you, but I hate to take on an unarmed opponent."

It makes 'em think for a minute.

vch
 
Like Like (0 likes)
Permalink
If someone says, "MAKE me!" I say, "I don't MAKE monkeys......I just TRAIN 'em!" just like Pee Wee!
 
Like Like (0 likes)
Permalink
You will never make Who's Who but you might get into What's That

I never forget a face but in your case I'm willing to make an exception

Would you mind standing downwind?

I've had a lot to drink and you're beginning to look human

Oh please save your breath to blow up your girlfriend tonight!
 
Like Like (0 likes)
Permalink
quote:
Originally posted by tonguetied:
[qb] Oh please save your breath to blow up your girlfriend tonight! [/qb]
LOLOL!!! OMG, that's a good one!
 
Like Like (0 likes)
Permalink
"I'm sorry, but you have mistaken me for someone who thinks your opinion is of any importance."

"What a waste of carbon."

those are my two favs

~mags
 
Like Like (0 likes)
Permalink
I heard these 2 off a couple of red dwarf episodes

1ST Your father was a baboons rump and your mother spent most of her life up against walls with sailors

and too someone who doesnt do much or is lazy

You're as much use as a condom machine in the vatican

well i thought these were good
 
Like Like (0 likes)
Permalink
 
Post Reply